Crazy Thing Pts Say or Do

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I thought it would be fun to share those crazy things pt say/do that just make you roll your eyes and say "HUH?"

Here's mine.

We have a patient who is allergic to the "round" tylenol, but can take the "oval" tylenol! Um- hate to tell you lady, but tylenol is tylenol!

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

years and years ago when i was a brand new grad working as a "gn" while waiting for my boards results, one of my jobs was to weigh all the patients while the team leaders were in report. this was a telemetry floor, and most of the patients were ok to get up and climb on the scale.

every morning i'd go into room 4 to weigh the patient, and every morning there'd be a steaming pile of poop in the corner. every morning, the little old lady patient would say "some crazy old woman came into my room and $hit in the corner!" and every morning, the team leader would tell me to chart "confused, disoriented. large, soft formed stool." and every morning the lol would ask for a laxative, because she hadn't pooped in days.

one morning i was early to work, and decided to get started on the weights a bit early. as i walked into room 4, the little old lady was sitting bolt upright in the bed, pointing off into the corner -- where there was indeed, a crazy old woman squatting and defecating!

LOL these are great

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

the first micu i ever worked in was right across the parking lot from the helipad. one particularly busy night, a patient whose room overlooked the parking lot called 911 to report a ufo hovering outside his window. he said it was full of "bald guys just staring at me." (the pilot, paramedic and nurse were all bald!)

years and years later, my father was a patient in that same unit. although visiting hours were quite strict, the staff made an exception for our family because dad was quite frankly nuts. (he was so afraid of being in the hospital, he'd just wig out completely.) one night he was convinced he was in jail for murdering my brother-in-law, who was a real dick. another night he was convinced the nurses were all trying to kill him and spent the whole night hollering "help! police!" but one night when there were a lot of helicopter calls, dad was being particularly quiet, and i thought he was sleeping peacefully. i was dozing in my chair by his bedside when he woke me up by tapping on my shoulder. he'd climbed over the siderails and was standing next to the bed buck naked. the ufos were trying to kidnap him, and he was trying to escape, but realized he couldn't leave his daughter there for them to experiment on. "i've already pulled out all their tubes," he said holding up his foley, balloon inflated in one hand and his central line in the other. "but i don't know what the hell to do with their handcuffs!" (monitor leads wrapped around his arm and his art line.)

and to think i slept through that!

Specializes in med/surg, ortho, dialysis, corrections.

I used to work in Dialysis and had one lovely little 84 yr old Italian lady who came in for her treatment with a horrible cough. Concerned that she had pneumonia, I gave her a sputum specimen cup and asked her for a sputum specimen when she came back for her next treatment. Well, next treatment she comes in looking kind of sheepish and handed me the cup saying, "I'm sorry, I tried and tried but I just couldn't bring up a sperm sample for you." Gotta love that one.

Similar thing happened to me before with a very confused patient. The call bell would ring every 2 minutes, she'd be out in the hall.... and its not like staff wasnt nearly living in that room... anyway, she called 911 and asked them to have the police come up because she wasnt getting anyone to change her television.:lol2:

It takes me 15 minutes to get her back in bed. I come to the desk and a co-worker says, "You have a phone call". I am authoritatively asked, "What's your name". The conversation went on for about 1-2 minutes when I realized she had called the police! She gave them the hospital name, my name, room number and department. She was trying to convince him that I was trying to kill her!!!! Only after torturing her!!!

We laughed so hard, my stomach muscles were sore the next am.

Specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.

oh yeah!I forgot about this one.I was working in an assisted living center for alzheimer clients.One of the ederly gentlemen was sitting next to an elderly woman.He looks up at me all serious and stated( about the woman),"Thats the best D@$m looking corpse I have ever seen!OMG it was so funny.Poor woman

:lol2: Oh this thread made me remember Mabel

I worked in LTC (still do lol) and it was my first job. One day I went in to see mabel and she was upset. She told me she was pregnant. You can imagine my suprise when I asked her who the father was and she told me she didnt know. She said "how am I going to tell my kids". I said "your kids? how am I going to tell your GRANDKIDS?" lol

I swear we had to get the doc to pretend to do a pregancy test on her to convince her she wasnt pregnant.

Mabel was probably about 85 at the time. lol

Another day Mabel got mad at us "kids" (she thought the staff were all kids, sometimes we were her grandkids lol). She was mad at us because we had left the porch light on (it was the hall light that never went out lol). She told me that we were running her electric bill up and she wasnt putting up with it anymore and she told me that she knew we let "those" boys in the house too. (male staff members lol). So at that time, she called us into her room one at a time and promptly fired everyone of us! She told me "take those keys from around your neck and go home" lmao. (the nurses wore our keys on a neck chain thing) I swear I was dying lol and she fired EVERYBODY lol

oh and then there was John. lol omg

He was a new admit to the LTC. I admitted him on the evening shift and then came back in on the day shift the next morning.

730 in the morning I am outside his room, with my back to his door, getting his meds together. All the sudden there was a trash can on my head, someone SLAMMED it down on my head and said "there! i finally got the b!tch"

it was john omg hahaha thank God and greyhound that housekeeping had cleaned his room allready and emptied the trash!!!

I changed jobs a few months later and about a month after that his wife moved him to my new facility. He would get up all night long and we couldnt control him until one of the night nurses found out he was a retired senator. after that the nurse would tell him he had session in the morning and needed his rest and john would go to bed! lol

The first time I saw him when he came to my new facility I yelled OMG HIDE THE TRASH CAN :lol2:

ok one more and I'll quit lol

My husband was a CNA when I met him. One night he was taking care of his favorite demented patient. He stood him up and was changing his pants. When my hubby pulled his pants down, the patient said "you are a FINE american!"

:lol2:

When my husband couldnt get this patient to sleep he would call me (in the middle of the night lol) and give the patient the phone. I would talk to him forever lol. We had some of the best conversations about absolutely nothing because he had dememtia lol. My husband would leave him with the phone talking to me and come back later and get him to get off the phone and go to bed lol. we talked so many times that after a while the patient had no idea who I was but he knew my voice on the phone and would ask me how I was or what I was doing lol. sometimes he would just hand my hubby the phone to dial the number. He was so funny!

and his roommate thought we were still in WWII and lined up balls of BM on his bed and thought they were grenades.

no wait I have one more lol

Recently had a patient in for therapy. he was definitely a hoot. I took him out to smoke one day and we got to talking about him being in prison. I knew he had been in for money laundering. He tells me this long story about prison and how he was in Alcatraz and was there when it closed. he told me stories and even named men he'd been in there with. It freaked me out. He told me stories about using tommy guns for the mob.

I told the other staff something like "omg be nice to him he was in alcatraz!!!"

I want you to know he was lying and didnt tell me the truth for 6 months :lol2: I took him out to smoke one day and he just started dying laffing and told me he had lied to me and that I had believed him so much that he let me believe it for months. lol

I whacked him on his head lol

One of my favorites...

At a LTC a LOL wheels herself over to me, grabs my hand and folds up my sleeves with such care (they were a bit too long, covering most of my hand). So cute...that motherly instinct that never goes away!!

Well...go downstairs (honestly 2 minutes later) and there's little old Charlie who immediately asks me, in his very loud voice, "Are you horny?!?"

Ohhh...some things never change!!! :lol2:

Specializes in Peds Urology,primary care, hem/onc.

I work in a pediatric incontinence clinic. I was trying to get a history from a mother on a new patient of ours. It was the end of a busy day, I was a little frazzled. She was telling me that her daughter had wetting accidents. I asked her if she wet during the day or during the night. This Mom looked at me and said, "she wets in between day and night". WHAT??? Is there another time of day that I do not know about??? I tried clarifying this like 3 times and she kept saying it over and over. We finally had to make her do a diary so we could see what this child was doing. And just for the record, this child had nocturnal enuresis and daytime urge incontinence. She was wet day and night so I still have no idea what this Mom was trying to tell me.

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