Anorexic woman on Maury P. show. - page 2

Did anyone else see that episode. Possibly might be a repeat. Very, very sad case. She may not?make it. My daughter says looking at the woman makes her mad. She would like to ask her, "why are... Read More

  1. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Unless you have raised a kid with all these disorders mentioned, Future nurse, I don't think it's fair for you to judge her "attitude". I have seen it too, I lived it and unless these folks WANT help all the unconditional love in the whole wide world does SQUAT. I would be with Renerian. At what point do you let ONE family member ruin the lives of the rest? Just where do you draw the line? There are other children to consider, not to mention the lives of both parents. Especially if said family member is a LEGAL adult, I would be more likely to stop trying so hard to intervene when she obviously won't be helped. Why not walk a mile in her shoes as stepmom before you judge too quickly her actions/attitudes, please?

    Renerian, my heart goes out to you, hon. I can't imagine the burden you carry. I hope that girl one day heals and then realizes all everyone did who love her to try and help. No judgement here.
  2. by   mattsmom81
    I am empathetic towards family and friends who deal with addiction. That said, one must reach a point where we realize what addicts are doing to us and loved their addiction effects us. We do reach a point where enough is enough, and that is healthy for everyone, addict included.

    Feeling some anger is also a natural healthy response. There is only so much we can do to help someone who doesn't wish to participate in their recovery. To feel sorry for addicts and fail to use tough love only makes us enablers and codependents. Part of the problem.

    Those nurses who are blasting Renerian for venting healthy frustration with her stepdaughter probably need to attend Alanon and Toughlove groups...suspect they are unhealthily involved in enabling an addict. And they must not have listened to their nursing instructors in their psych rotation.

    Hang in there Renerian, I know ya'll have done what you can for this girl.
  3. by   FutureNurse2005
    Last edit by FutureNurse2005 on Jun 19, '03
  4. by   renerian
    Wow all I can say is I love her and have tried to help her. We have spent over 30,000 between counseling and medical treatment for her which insurance did not pay. I liquidated my half my pension to help pay for it. We all have lock/key boxes to keep our money in as she steals us blind. She even pawned some of my belongings to buy food to barf. Yes I do feel for her and want her to have a wonderful life but it is frustrating. We have four other kids that are fine. They have all been in therapy as well as hubby and I to try to find a way to help her and deal with our frustrations, another several thousand dollars. We also spend 5,000 per year on her schooling (four years worth) to have a home schooling program for special needs kids at the high school level. I feel bad for anyone who has to live the life of addiction. We are all at the point where we need to let go of the burden of trying to help someone who refuses to help herself. This is exactly what her third therapist who worked with us told us to do. He said tough love was way overdue. I hope she will live to see how great life can be.

  5. by   renerian
    Thanks everyone for your input. I am not bothered or offended by anyones thoughts or feelings.

  6. by   oramar
    Sounds like eating disorders affect the whole family. Reminds me a great deal of the anquish a family suffers with a chemcial abuser or compulsive gambler. I always suspected as much. You constantly have to remind yourself to take care of yourself and the other family members.
  7. by   FutureNurse2005
    renerian...I just want to apologize for my posts. I am going through a bit of a rough time right now, and I should not have taken it out on you.

    I wish you and your family all the best.
    Take care and hugs
  8. by   iliel
    renerian, as long as you feel you have done everything in your power to help her, thats all their needs to be said. Living in Vegas, I see co workers who's family member has lost all their money gambling. People have lost houses, cars and more. I don't understand why they don't see that their hurting everyone around them, but at the same time, people with these types of illnesses don't live in the normal "reality" that other people do.
    I hope someday your step daughter get's the help she needs. You've been down a long hard road, I wish the best to you!
  9. by   kats
    I can actually relate to the point of view of the person with anorexia. While I was lucky enough to never get to be too severe, I was headed that way when I first went to college right out of high school. It was the first time away from home, my parents were divorcing, and my brother was taking a year off school to travel through Europe. I really thought I was very fat when I looked at myself in the mirror. I couln't at all understand why guys I knew were asking me out. I actually lost 30 pounds in the first few weeks of school. I had been very shy in high school and just didn't have the coping skills for college and dorm life. I started hanging out with people from fraternities and sororities that only wanted to party and get drunk. Then I didn't study and go to class because I was so tired all the time. My poor grades were just another thing I felt like I couldn't control. I ended up doing a paper in my Psychology class (fortunately I actually attended that class) about anorexia because I knew that what I was doing to myself wasn't healthy and figured that if I could just understand why I was doing what I was doing, I could stop it. I realized that my behavior was coming from not feeling like I could control anything in my life. When I didn't eat, I felt like I was at least in control of something by not giving in to the hunger pains. Once I realized that, it still wasn't easy to give it up as I was tempted to stop eating again when I was under stress, but over time I managed to break the cycle. The point of this is just to express that like any other addictive behavior, the change really does have to come from the person wanting to change. It is a lot harder to stop than most people would think. I also know how incredibly difficult it is for the families of these people and my prayers go to them as well.
  10. by   renerian
    Marina heavens don't worry about it.............I am not offended at all. I know it is hard to hear about it. Is there something we can help you with?

  11. by   renerian
    Kats nice post......I am so glad your doing better! Kudos to you!

  12. by   kats
    Actually, it's been years since it happened. While I was pregnant and after my son was born, I gained weight. Then I tried several diets and went through a period of undiagnosed anxiety and depression. The only result from the diets was that I gained more weight. Last year, I even got quite ill from the anxiety and was diagnosed with Irritable bowel syndrome. I have since been on a very small dose of Celexa (an anti-anxiety med). I have recently also learned about a way of eating called the zone. I haven't been super strict with it other than to drastically reduce the amount of carbs from pasta, potatoes, bread, and rice. I pretty much don't eat them at all any more. I also have been going the lap pool 5 mornings a week. Basically, I am starting to finally lose this weight, but in a safe and healthy way.
  13. by   zambezi
    There is a great book out, an older book actually, it might be biographical (but mabye fictional???I have not read it in a long time) Titled "The Best Little Girl in the World" it talks about one a familys sturggle with eating disorders...I can't remember the author.. Very interesting but sad...