Am I the only nurse that... (Rant)

Sour Lemon · Jul 31, 2016

Those types of families can be stressful, but I've found the best way to deal with them is to be excessively encouraging and supportive. Compliment them on how well they're looking after their relative. Let them know that their questions are "good". Reassure them that you'll do absolutely anything possible for any one of them. Tell them how important the patient's care is to you and that you'll come as soon as you're able to anytime they call. Encourage them to call for any little thing.

People tend to relax and be very forgiving if you make it clear that you're on their side ...even when you take a while to get to them, don't know the answers to the questions they're asking, direct their behavior, and refuse their requests. After all, they know how much you want to help.

It may not be for everybody, but it works for me 99.9% of the time.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 31, 2016

I feel kinda guilty... But I have a lot of anxiety especially in social settings (why am I a nurse right? Lol) but I do excellent with one on one. I chose to work nights to avoid the stress and anxiety a day shift brings (doctors, families, other members of the care team).
Last night was a bad night all my patients had family members there... And I had questions fired at me quicker than incould think. And I feel bad cause I couldn't control my anxiety and finally told several of my rooms families to please give me a minute to process all this information. I was legit in sensory over load. And they took it as me being rude. Including one family that had to also FaceTime another relative in another state. I'm not comfortable being photographed or videoed etc and I felt highly vulnerable.
two of my patients even had the family hunters that don't believe in call bells and I had to tell them to please use the bells because I deal with protected health info and they are not priveledged to be looking over my shoulders and over hearing then conversations I am having outside of their rooms.
i don't take medication for my anxiety because it makes me too tired to work. But I really hate having the family groups that put you through the ropes. I feel horrible because I don't know if I handled myself well in the moment, and I can't change it but I just couldn't help my anxiety in the moment.

I'm sorry -- having family constantly firing questions at you can get to anyone.

I've been known to tell family members "Excuse my while I go look up the labs," (or the doctor's note or anything to get me out of their range.). Then I go the med room, the break room, the bathroom -- any place where they can't see me and can't follow me. I take a minute to catch my breath and organize my thoughts before I go back. And if they're constantly firing questions and never satisfied with the answers, I get the provider to talk to them. Sometimes that satisfies them, but if it doesn't I've still taken their questions seriously and referred them up.

We have a "no photographs" policy in our unit, and if someone photographs me without asking, I ask them to delete it. If they won't, my manager (and I have I good one; I know I'm blessed) will get them to delete it. If they balk, she mentions the legal department. So far, she's never had to actually call the legal department for me, but I know she would.

"Family hunters" is a good term. Again, I tell them they're not allowed to follow me into patient rooms, to the nursing station, etc. and if they have a problem with that my manager will talk to them. I've had a few demand to speak to my boss (because they think SHE will encourage them following me into other rooms) and on one or two occaisions, that has resulted in Security escorting the family off the unit. Again, I know I blessed I am in the boss department.

Even without an anxiety issue, Family Hunters and families firing questions are difficult to handle. You just do the best you can and then go home and try to forget about it. Take care of yourself first. Go home and take a bath, read a trashy novel, walk your dogs for 11 miles (yes, I did that one night -- had to call a friend to come and get me and take the dogs home because their pads were too sore for them to walk home) or whatever YOU need to do to relax.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 31, 2016

First of all, if anybody would make a pic, selfie or video clip with me without my permission, they would have a choice to delete it now in front of me, or go meet security guys. Period.

Second, it is perfectly accetable to say polutely and SLOW: "I am sorry. You see, you all have many question. Would it be ok, if I go get chart to know the latest?" After that, take your holy 5 min. You may even go pee :yes:

It is one instance when speaking with accent helps: people have to listen and so they slow down. If you start to speak really slow, in short relatively simple phrases with as little terminology as possible, it 1) helps you to concentrate; 2) helps them listen, and 3) lets you to feel that all of you guys are on the same page. If 3) doesn't happen, it maybe the time for 15- min spiel about blood going 'round and 'round.

Last but not least, do it and forget about it. It is kind of easier to say than to do, but you cannot educate everyone in the world or do anything with half a century of someone's "bad decisions".

WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN · Jul 31, 2016

"I can tell you are all supportive of [the patient's] well-being. It's such a good thing to have so many supportive advocates. I recommend you write your questions down because this is a lot of information and I want to have time to ensure I can get what you need. Anything I can't provide, I'll refer to [the patient's] doctor. Or you can leave the list with [the doctor.]"