I still wear a t-shirt that I have worn since the end of high school.
When I was 19 and working in a sort of internship position, working with very disabled and mentally-ill adults(people who have been in institutions their whole lives), a guy remarked on my shirt. I was in the middle of doing something and he interrupted me, "Do you believe that?"
And I said, "What?"
And he said, "What it says on your shirt: The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." He was smiling as he had already thought through a million of these sort of idealisms and theories before, I knew.
I said yes, I did, and I asked him if he believed it and he said, no, of course he didn't but that he found it funny and cute, though. This guy was studying psychology and one of the best, self-confident, self-satisfied interns we had on staff. Fair enough, it does seem a little silly and maybe narcassistic and egotistic to think that by losing yourself in helping other people, you could find yourself. The quote seems to offer a way of aggrandizing the self through helping other people and that is where it is vane. Anyways, its obviously an emotional idealism, not a hard principle of truth and clear direction.
This quote has come to mean a lot to me and it also has come to mean nothing to me over the years. But I've kept the t-shirt with me for a long time. It seems to offer both the power for unlimited amoutns of both vanity and unselfishness, going to the far ends of both extremes. If you follow it and it turns out wrong, then you will have lost bigtime as the quote states: You can't just give a little; You have to go all the way and lose yourself in order to find yourself. Modern psycologists would, of course, disagree with this sort of idealism. What do you think of it? Do you agree with it? How far does this ideal influence the decisions you make and have made and how you treat other people? Is, "the best way to find yourself" truly "to lose yourself in the service of others?" How much of this sort of idealism motivates you to get up every morning and do what you do?
When was the last time you found yourself and felt completely whole? Was it when you had lost yourself that you had found yourself?
PER ROTTEN NURSE Way back in the "60s...(please don't tell anyone that i can remember that) pseudo intellectuals use to say there was no such way as unselfish acts that if you felt good doing something for someone else then you were being selfish.....i didn't know there were still folks in that mind set..than goodness they are fading out
There is a difference in getting some enjoyment in helping others and 'losing yourself' in doing so.
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Sometimes the goal is just to think about "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Let me hear the sound of your minds working.
This quote definitly hits home for me. I finished my first Med-Surg rotation this summer and I found that "I" was happiest when I was helping my patients, thinking about what they needed, and really working to be present for them. Whether it was with an incontinent debilitated older gentelman or some confused out of it patient with a fresh craniotomy I would get flashed of "This is me too." I could see myself in all of my patients. This may be what western psyc. calls codependency but that's just a word. Western psyc., particularly in America, is based on independence, individual happiness, etc. which is not the way the world works or is structured. I realized a few years ago that when I'm trying to get something for myself or am only concerned with my own happiness I am at my most miserable. A teacher of mine said If you want to be miserable think only of yourself, if you want to be happy thing only of others. I go along with that as best I can and it truely helps.
I don't mean this in a cynical way, but lately I have been taking to heart the old saying: "The Lord helps those who help themselves." Meaning, to me, that I have to be an active participant in attaining my goals. I can wish, pray, whine, or whatever, about needing a better job, or I can get off my butt and go to nursing school (I do not discount the value of prayer--but, to me, an act of faith is working toward helping my prayers come true).
This has been quite a change from daydreaming about "someday." Maybe it's that I'm 48, and starting to realize that I may not have quite as many tomorrows as I once did.
Anyway, I don't despise self-interest. If I don't look out for myself, who will? Who even can? But I am a big believer in balance, and when I speak of self-interest, I definitely mean enlightened self-interest. Sometimes the very best thing you can do for yourself is putting something or someone else first.
The trick, I think, is to give as much as you can, but hold onto enough that you can come back and do it again, tomorrow.
Nursemike -- I love the where are we going quote!!! I think I shall include it as the headline for my next staff meeting -- unless I have to pay you royalties on it -- in which case -- I won't.
Service for others, caring for others -- I honsetly believe that is what we're here for -- like someone else said -- when I am focousing on the needs of someone else, I am less likely to be feeling sorry for myself. On the other hand, If I lose myself in service -- how am I going to know when I have reached the end of my limited resources and am closing in on burn-out?! On the other, other hand -- If I become narcissistic and totally focus on serving others merely in order to find myself -- doesn't that kind of spoil the whole selfless service idea?On the other, other, OTHER hand -- I think I need to go home and get a nap --PDQ!!!!
Nursemike -- I love the where are we going quote!!! I think I shall include it as the headline for my next staff meeting -- unless I have to pay you royalties on it -- in which case -- I won't.
I stole it from a bumper sticker I saw, once--but doesn't it just fit the healthcare industry? However, I will gladly accept and spend any royalties I receive, on behalf of the actual author.
I stole it from a bumper sticker I saw, once--but doesn't it just fit the healthcare industry? However, I will gladly accept and spend any royalties I receive, on behalf of the actual author.
RN Rotten Nurse
71 Posts
There is a difference in getting some enjoyment in helping others and 'losing yourself' in doing so.