Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

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To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply

Darwin Consult

and was signed by the resident. Well the attending did laugh, but it was not the highpoint of that residents day.

so do you have more?

drink only when thirsty.

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Specializes in Medical.
That reminds me of the Gomer Scale

http://www.lambert.net.au/med/gomerscale.pdf

I love the Gomer Rating Scale - it's particularly therapeutic when we get a horrendoplasty from the local LTC facility: "See, it's not that I'm being unreasonably stressed - s/he has a GRS of 82!" Although... there are no points for "comes from NH with undiagnosed open tibial # for 2/52 (yeah, not a pressure sore). And this is slightly different to the one I use, which has points for the patient knowing and being known (by name) by catering staff and admin :)

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
drink only when thirsty.

For some folks with fluid restrictions, they would be thirsty all the time

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Specializes in ICU.
My first and only order for a Milk and Molasses enema was on a 650# intubate pt in the ICU; G:down:od love those July Residents. Luckily, my order written in under their signature was: Place ZASSI rectal tube. Don't remember if the rectal system actually worked.

Medic once told me to hang the end of the rectal tube OUT THE WINDOW on the third floor. I really thought he was having a laugh but he was serious.

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Specializes in ICU.

When I was an intermediate care tech, we had a pt who was confused and told the doc she saw spiders on the wall. The doc wrote in the chart, " Pt seeing spiders on the wall. Please make sure there are no spiders in the room tomorrow."

LOL

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

On a pt reporting all these unseen vomiting episodes- pt to vomit only in bucket!

:lol2::bugeyes::yeah::nono::rolleyes::nurse:

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Under discharge instructions: "Don't smoke crack!!!"

Pt was noncompliant based on information obtained from a subsequent admission.

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LPS - lonely person syndrome

FGS - family guilt syndrome (when you haven't spoken to dad in 10years and now he's had a heat attack so you want the drs to wake him up so you can say sorry)

did ECG on a pt with severe pneumonia, gave it to Dr, med student leans over shoulder and says 'cant you get one without all this noise on it?' i responded with if he'd kindly fix the pneumonia causing the noise i'd happily rpt the ECG.

rang a prestigious Dr who was always polite but aloof with nurses, was discussing his patient with him as per his request when he said, look I'll call you back in 5mins, I'm at home, standing naked in the hall dripping water on the floor after a shower and I'm freezing.' Turns out they are human after all

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1. Upright PA and lat CXR this am in x-ray department. Reason: Pnuemopericardium

2. I still can't tell from the chart what operation I did nor when. Please work with the CCU at extension xxxx to try to find the hand-written op note.

3. D/c amiodarone.

Like how he snuck #2 in there?? It was a crotchety surgeon who was ticked, he preferred to handwrite his op notes vs dictate them, and his note got misplaced in the PACU.

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Ok, I can't read anymore without sharing. One of our residents (I am transitioning from vet med to human med) in the equine (horse) clinic wrote the following on a inter-clinic memo:

"Pt is CTD, O BSC, Refer to Dr Deere for TTJ"

translation: "Patient is circling the drain, owner is Bat**** crazy, Refer to Dr Deere (aka John Deere, the tractor) for transfer to Jesus"

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Specializes in Rescue+Medic+ER ER ER ER.

On an undiagnosible pt,"GOK" God Only Knows.

On a pt's d/c insts, one who knew much more than the doc, "AMFYOYO" Audios My Friend [sic] Your On Your Own.

Same wonderful doc.

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Specializes in NICU.
Ok, I can't read anymore without sharing. One of our residents (I am transitioning from vet med to human med) in the equine (horse) clinic wrote the following on a inter-clinic memo:

"Pt is CTD, O BSC, Refer to Dr Deere for TTJ"

translation: "Patient is circling the drain, owner is Bat**** crazy, Refer to Dr Deere (aka John Deere, the tractor) for transfer to Jesus"

I guess the main difference between horse clinics and people clinics is that we don't use tractors in the hospital :D. Other than that, that doesn't sound unfamiliar :lol2:.

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