Full time nurse, part time mommy

kakamegamama · Nov 21, 2015

Sounds like a mama who loves her child deeply. Is there a way that you can cut hours? If not, yes, it can get easier. And, she is only 10 months old. Spend quality time with her. Hang in there.

kbear1729 · Nov 21, 2015

I needed to hear that thank you. I carry the benefits so its just not an option right now but maybe when my husband gets his.

missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN · Nov 21, 2015

I think feeling guilty is such a natural response to spending time away from children. She will be fine, you will be fine, and you're doing a good job. I find that I spend more quality time with my children now than I did before. Try to start a tradition. If you work nights, spend time making her some breakfast in the morning. If you work days, then you do bath time and tuck her in every night with a story. She'll remember whatever time you spend with her, but she'll always treasure something you did everyday.

Libby1987 · Nov 21, 2015

I think feeling guilty is such a natural response to spending time away from children. She will be fine, you will be fine, and you're doing a good job. I find that I spend more quality time with my children now than I did before. Try to start a tradition. If you work nights, spend time making her some breakfast in the morning. If you work days, then you do bath time and tuck her in every night with a story. She'll remember whatever time you spend with her, but she'll always treasure something you did everyday.

Good advice! I'm still surprised at some of the fond memories my kids have, they have loved our simple traditions that at the time I never thought was so significant.

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · Nov 21, 2015

Hugs!! I'm short on time now, but wanted to tell you that being a working mom does NOT make you a "part time mom." You are her mama always, and she knows it. :inlove:

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Nov 21, 2015

Mommy guilt crosses all professions and all races and nationalities. You are not alone.

Are you working 12s? That can help. A mother who is home 4 days a week is NOT a mother who is not there for her child.

If you have no other options, remind yourself that your salary is providing the means to feed and clothe her, provide medical care, etc. You ARE taking care of your child, even if you are not there with her 24/7.

Your feelings are normal. If you want to formulate a time centered plan for reducing your hours, that may help you feel better. You would have a goal to look towards, and every day would get you closer to that goal.

cayenne06, MSN, CNM · Nov 22, 2015

Great advice from previous posters. I had my two kids when I was still in midwifery school (way back when I was in direct-entry midwifery training). I remember crying at 2am, as I pumped in a back room for my infant, not knowing when I was going to see my kids again. When I went back to CNM school, I would go 3-4 days without seeing them (between work, clinicals, and classroom time), and when I was home I was so exhausted that I could barely muster the energy to watch a movie with them on the couch. And now I am a single mom, working full time. But at least now I work a more 9-5ish schedule and get to see them every day.

Mommy guilt sucks. But take heart- your baby will be okay. Grown ups have to work, and kids thrive in any environment, as long as they have a parent (ideally, plural) that loves them and puts their needs first.

I second the idea of forming rituals. Even if you only get 15 minutes with your little on a given day, you will both find peace if you have quality time to look forward to. For me, it has always been bedtime snuggles and a book if I am home at night, or coffee and a cuddle in the morning. I would also take ANY opportunity to steal extra time with them, even if it meant keeping them up too late sometimes, or stealing them out of school for a morning... or even sometimes playing hooky for less than important events like a weekly staff meeting or workplace function.

cayenne06, MSN, CNM · Nov 22, 2015

ALSO. If you work full time you are hopefully accruing some good vacation and personal time. Use it liberally, and without guilt.

kbear1729 · Nov 22, 2015

Thanks for all the advice. I do work 12s which helps but I spend a good part of my next day asleep. I talked to my husband and we agreed maybe I can cut my hours back a bit once we get back on our feet. I think just knowing that's an option will help me through. I know there are so many more who have it way tougher than me so I feel silly whining but as nurses, I think we carry a lot more baggage with our jobs than some other do. Thanks for the kind words. I really do appreciate it.