Friend nonsupportive...opinions?

fluffwad · Nov 22, 2005

eh........don't worry about it. maybe she's burned out.

if you think you're up to it physically and mentally, go for it.

if it doesn't work out there are plenty of other things to do.

i've been a nurse for 22 years. people ask me if i miss floor nursing and the answer is "no" because i did it for so many years that it got boring. used to love night shift......but after i passed 37 i couldnt handle it physically anymore.

my mother used to change units every couple of years just for a change of pace. she got her rn at 45.

fergus51 · Nov 22, 2005

Ignore her. I work NICU and love it. I wouldn't call it calm by any means, but it is rewarding. Even if you find out that you don't like working with the level 3 kids because it's too stressful, you can always choose to work more with the level 2 babies so I think NICU is a good choice for people who like to work with patients who have a variety of acuity levels.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Nov 22, 2005

1) You're only as old as you feel (and depending on the kind of day anyone has, that number can change everyday)

2) "Old" is an opinion, how many 90 year olds have you heard refer to the 60 and 70 year olds a "youngins"

3)

The NICU is my DREAM job as I intend on becoming a neonatal NP or doc perhaps.

This is key. You KNOW this is what YOU want to do. Stay focused on that. Not to mention you sound like you have the healthy attitude all around, which is very important as well.

4) Ask your friend why she's being so negative about everything you tell her? Perhaps she's just unhappy with where she is, and thinks others will be too. Or maybe she's jealous? Or depressed?

5) It's never too late to educate.

QuilterLPN · Nov 23, 2005

Maybe she's......jealous..... :uhoh3:

rn/writer, RN · Nov 23, 2005

I'm in the same age range as you are and I started on a mother/baby unit earlier this year. After doing an ortho/neuro refresher clinical last fall, postpartum is wonderful. I don't lift 350-lb. TKR post-ops; I lift seven-lb. babies. After a year or so of this, I'm hoping to get into NICU or antepartum where the acuity is a little higher.

A couple of things jump out at me when reading about your friend. Maybe she is slowing down and feeling bad about it. If you find it difficult to do twelves, then she can let herself off the hook for not having the kind of stamina she wishes she had. If you take the longer shifts in stride, she might be looking at that as some kind of indictment against herself.

Another thing is that maybe she never went after her dream and now feels that she somehow sold herself out. It's tough to watch someone else find their niche if you think you've settled for less than your best.

In each of these scenarios, you can help her identify what's bugging her and be supportive if she chooses to deal with the real needs instead of trying to talk you out of fulfilling your heart's desire. Unfortunately, you can't make her look at her true motives, nor can you force her to do anything about her current situation. The good news is that she's not too old to go after her own heart's desire if she can figure out what it is. Heck, there are people older than she is just starting school.

If she took a job that was just an easy way out, she may well be envious of your excitement. Respond to her gloomy approach by inviting her to talk about what she envisioned herself doing when she first thought of becoming a nurse. Even if what she hoped for back then really is too stressful now, chances are there is something out there that would get her blood pumping and give her renewed enthusiasm. If she's bored, challenge her to find some area in nursing that she can get excited about. Then the two of you can build each other up and stay good buddies as you explore your new specialties.

Jerico, BSN, RN · Nov 23, 2005

Thanks, guys.

RN/writer, thanks for some suggestions to getting her out of her apparent rut. I feel sorry for her and it distresses me to see one of my very best and longest buddies becoming so negative.

She used to be so very positive. We used to do coast to coast road trips for heaven's sake! It was SUCH fun...

She's also really depressed lately and I don't know what to do to help.

She asked me a few weeks ago if I thought I could manage ever being roomates with her....I think she is thinking of leaving her 25 year marriage.

Am so feeling for her.

Thanks again!!! I am so very excited about the NICU internship - I guess I was being sort of selfish in wanting her to celebrate with me, and she just discouraged me. This is so unlike her.

Liddle Noodnik · Nov 23, 2005

I have a friend who is a two year RN. She has been RN for 20 years. She is 48. I am 50.
She has been very supportive of me through nursing school (BSN, May 2005).
HOWEVER.
I started out in an ER a couple months ago. She discouraged me from doing the ER, but the ER was my second desire, NICU was my first, but I landed the ER job first. She thought I should do 2 years Med/Surg first. I hate Med/Surg! She kept poo-pooing me the last three months I've been in ER, telling me I am "too old", "twelve hour shifts are gonna kill you, you are too old..."
Well, after 90 days in the ER I knew I needed a more organized and calm working atmosphere. I could handle the 12 hour shifts, it is just that this particular ER is understaffed and so disorganized it is laughable.
SO. I applied for a NICU Intern program - a GREAT one - that is 6 MONTHS long, two day a week classes and two day a week preceptor/clinicals in the NICU. A big NICU, too. Three levels, well equipped, the manager is very organized, been there 17 years.
Well, I told my friend I got the NICU last night.
You know what she told me?
She said: "Jerico, you know when you get older our hands begin to shake...12 hour shifts?....what did I tell you before?....NICU!!!....you need something more laid back, my job - all I have to do is take vitals and monitor the patient, chart... (she is a GI lab nurse)"
WHAT is WITH her? I've known her 12 years! Is SHE having a crisis???
Every time I turn around she talks about how she is getting older.
Am I right in thinking she seems to be having a midlife crisis?
I am in great shape for 50, weight on target. I am very active, never back off a challenge. I love change. I think the next 50 years are gonna be better than the last 50.
Opinions? Comments? The NICU is my DREAM job as I intend on becoming a neonatal NP or doc perhaps. She thinks I am nuts even THINKING about going to more school. I almost feel like she is heading out to pasture!

Sheer jealousy - that you are enthusiastic, able to learn, energetic - come on! Supportive is saying, "I believe in you" and "I'm glad for you." Now if you had been doing this a while and were exhausted, sick all the time, or crabbing about your job, and THEN she suggested it might be too much ...

You need to let her know ("I know you are concerned for me BUT...") how you feel. This isn't going to go away. Tell her to be quiet for 6 months and see how you do.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Nov 23, 2005

She asked me a few weeks ago if I thought I could manage ever being roomates with her....I think she is thinking of leaving her 25 year marriage.

If it's the marriage that's making her miserable, maybe she'll eventually get a renewed sense of life after she leaves?

Jerico, BSN, RN · Nov 23, 2005

Yes, I agree. I mentioned this to her on the phone last night and she said: "I am just trying to warn you, NICU is going to eat you alive. I just don't want you to be disappointed. I just don't think at your age you can learn all that complex stuff...". :stone :uhoh21:

I felt like saying: "I am a big girl, why don't you let me worry about that?".

Hell, I just went through 4 yrs nursing school with two teens and a 11 year old; 9/11 with my dh the first guy flying out of NYC; and the birth of three grandchildren, one in a NICU. PLLLLEEEESSSSEEEE!

I have never had a "temper flare" at her, but she is about to see one if this keeps up...:flamesonb

Jerico, BSN, RN · Nov 23, 2005

If it's the marriage that's making her miserable, maybe she'll eventually get a renewed sense of life after she leaves?

I think it IS the marriage. She is afraid. Her spouse is military (25+ years) and possibly going out on a military medical and someone told her if he does go out on military medical retirement, she would get nothing if she divorced him.

Anyone know anything about this military medical retirement and wife of 25 years rights?

Altalorraine · Nov 23, 2005

I have a friend who is a two year RN. She has been RN for 20 years. She is 48. I am 50.
WHAT is WITH her? I've known her 12 years! Is SHE having a crisis???

It sounds like it. I don't think it's about you and your jobs at all; sounds like she is burned out and projecting it all on you. Congratulations on your new job; it sounds like a terrific opportunity.

Altalorraine