Former NICU moms becoming NICU nurses?

[fmrnicumom]

I just wondered what your take on this situation is. I have always wanted to be a nurse, but when I became pregnant at 19, we got married and I stayed home with our daughter. She was born at 34w4d weeks but did not need to go to the NICU. I had several miscarriages and found out I was pregnant in October, 2003. When we made it to 20 weeks and had the "big" ultrasound, we thought we were in the clear. Little did we know less than a month later I would be admitted and our son would be born. Aaron only lived 4 days. He developed a bilateral grade IV IVH and we knew we had to let him go. That was March, 2004.

In August, 2004, I found out I was pregnant again. There's a story behind that. We had made the decision to donate Aaron's body, hoping that maybe someone could learn something that might help someone else in the future. They told us at that time we would not be able to get his ashes back under any circumstances. I had gone in to have some bloodwork done to see if I was still anemic from my difficult c-section in March. Someone accidentally ran a pregnancy test. My doctor called me to tell me I was pregnant - I was on the pill. A few hours later, we received a letter in the mail saying they could give us Aaron's ashes if we just send in the form. The same day...

I went into preterm labor at 24 weeks again. I was in and out of the hospital for a month, hit toxic levels on the mag 4 times, had terbutaline, steroids, indocin, an aminio and all sorts of things before I was finally dilated too far to wait any longer - they had to do another emergency c-section. (I had a classic before) Cameron was born at 28 weeks and spent 2.5 months in the hospital. He's now doing quite well. A few minor problems, but nothing that prevents him from being a sweet baby boy!

Anyway, I know I've rambled on and for that I apologize. This is something that is incredibly important to me. I have always wanted to be a nurse, though I thought L&D was where I wanted to be. The NICU has been calling me since the moment we toured the NICU when I was pregnant with Aaron. Since that time, the pull has only become stronger.

I started taking prereq's last summer, about the time Cameron was discharged. Thankfully I've been able to take night classes so that my husband can be home with our children. I'm moving more slowly than I'd like, but being here is very important to me. I think it will be better for Cameron to be a little older when I'm doing clinicals anyway.

Do you find many NICU moms (or dads for that matter) express an interest in NICU nursing? Have you worked with any nurses who have a personal history in the NICU? How do you feel about former moms (or dads) becoming NICU nurses? Do you think the past experience helps or hinders? I won't be offended if you think it's a bad idea, I'm just looking for honest opinions and experiences in this matter.

I honestly can't see myself anywhere else, though of course I am fully aware that may change as I go through nursing school. Thank you all for what you do. You helped my family through the loss of Aaron, and through the joy and fear and the million other things we felt when Cameron was born and through his NICU stay. Words could never describe how grateful we are for what the nurses did in both situations. Thank you.

[labcat01, BSN, RN]

I'm only a student so I can't express the views of a NICU nurse but I know several people who have had babies in the NICU and ALL of them have expressed interest in NICU nursing. You are definitely not alone.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I've seen that personal experience in the NICU as a positive on and as a negative one. Some people with personal experience as a parent can't separate that experience from their professional lives and it can become a problem. Either they over-identify with the patients and can't be objective when they need to be ... or they wrongly assume that the patients feel the same way that they did and have the same needs ... or they unresolved feelings of anger and/or grief that get in the way ... etc.

Other people handle it quite fine. Usually, those are the ones who have resolved any strong feelings of anger, grief, etc. that might "get in the way" of their professional judgment. They can use their past experience in a positive way to inform their practice without being overwhelmed or "tripped up" by their memories and emotional connection to the environment. In other words ... they don't bring a lot of heavy emotional baggage to the situation.

You have to be really honest with yourself about the degree to which you have resolved any issues you have and your ability to balance your personal emotions with your professional obligations. But for some people ... it works.

llg

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

Where I work, several of us landed in NICU after having personal experiences. Most of the people are former NICU moms. I'm a former NICU baby myself. I think the people who have had critically sick babies do bring some unique things to the table. They're able to empathize with our NICU parents who go through so much.

With that said, I can see where those experiences might get in the way if a person's grief is still fairly fresh. Two NICU babies in the last two years -- that seems like an awful lot to go through! When you take care of another kid with an IVH, it might hit very close to home. But you're the only one who can know for sure - and there's often only one way to find out whether NICU is for you.

Keep an open mind as you progress through school, reassess your desires and your feelings, and you'll be able to make a more informed decision upon graduation.

Good luck!

[Finallyat40]

I will admit though, that I wanted to be a nurse from when I was in high school, but the opportunity to actually become on came long after my preemie was born. I think there are advantages and disadvantages. One of the advantages is you have a much clearer understanding of what it's like to go home from the hospital without your baby, remember that time that you got a phone call to come in because the baby had taken a turn, experience the two steps forward one step back that occurs all the time.

I think that if I had chosen to do this much closer to when my sweet boy was born and in the NICU, it would be more difficult to separate the situations, however, he is 11 now and doing well (except for sucky lungs), so I'm able to share that hope with families.....I also am much more of an advocate for kangarooing and breastfeeding than many of my coworkers are....some of them look at this as more of a bother....I look at it more positively because it really did make a huge difference in how we bonded with my ds.

We also have a couple of nurses in my unit who have experienced post natal losses, and they are SO good at working with the families in grief....they truly have been there, done that! I am in the process of rewriting our units lecture to new orientees on our bereavement program and grief, in hopes of increasing their comfort level and awareness in this arena.

If this is what you truly want to do, go for it! I knew before even starting nursing school that NICU was where i wanted to be...and quite honestly, if I never wipe another big hairy behind in my life, that will be too soon. I love my tiny hineys!

Jamie

[fmrnicumom]

Thank you. :) I still have some time before I'll be done with school. I'm finishing up the last of my prereq's, can apply to two schools this spring, one this summer, and another two next January. The two this spring are CC's who have great programs and long waiting lists. Two of the remaining are universities, the last a CC with a great program that goes by a points system. Point being that I have time before I even start working on actual nursing classes. Because of waitlists and such, no matter which program I choose, it will likely be around 2010 before I finally graduate. At first that bothered me, because I wanted to be done before then, but looking at it realistically, I think that will be a benefit in the long run. I'll be able to spend more time home with Cameron that way and also have more time to make sure I've worked through everything.

I certainly don't expect it to be easy. I expect there will be times that it hits very close to home. I'm involved with the NICU family advisory board and am able to talk about all of it without a problem. Of course losing my son still hurts, but I believe that's a pain that never goes away. It's a matter of what I do with it, right? I'm doing everything I can to make sure I've worked through everything, because if NICU is where I end up, I don't want to let my past experiences interfere with my judgement.

I believe everything was done that could have been done with Aaron. I believe the doctors and nurses did the best job they could. Losing him hurt more than anything I've ever experienced, but I wasn't angry. Do I have any doubts about the way things were handled? No. Do I still miss him? Every day. I have moved past the time where I think about it constantly however. When I think about him now, I think about the good moments we had, the wonderful affect he had on all of us. His short life improved ours in ways that will be with us forever. I am grateful to him for that.

As far as Cameron's birth goes, we knew from the start it was a strong possibility that I would go early again. We weren't trying to get pregnant. I wouldn't advise getting pregnant that quickly after a loss. We weren't ready. I was on the pill. Of course if it hadn't happened then, we wouldn't have Cameron! Again I know all involved did everything that could be done. Though he had a few setbacks and now has a few minor problems, I am very happy with the way things turned out.

Being in the NICU again wasn't as hard as I expected it would be. The hardest moment was on the anniversary of Aaron's birth. Cameron was almost a month old then and still in the critical area. A baby was born, a baby boy, with our same last name, at the same gestation Aaron was, about the same weight, on the first anniversary of Aaron's birth. That was the first time since Aaron that we'd heard an oscillator. I remember hearing it and knowing exactly what it was before I saw it. My husband had a harder time with it than I did. He had to leave. I remember thinking at that time that I had to go back to school. Again my determination was strengthened.

I believe I'll be able to handle it. I know things can change though, so I will be reevaluating as I go along. Something which has always bothered me is when people say, "Oh, I understand exactly what you're going through!" I don't believe anyone can understand *exactly* because every person is different and is going to experience situations differently. Even identical twins experience the same situation differently. I will be careful about that - I am not anyone but myself and therefore can't know how anyone else is feeling.

Anyway, if anyone has any more opinions, I would be grateful if you would share them!

[dawngloves, BSN, RN]

The PTSD thing is a definate issue.I handle it pretty well. I get a little teary eyed when the blankets smell a certain way.(I know this sounds insane if you haven't BTDT!)It's a personal issue only you know how you'd react to.

I can be extremely empathetic to the mom when she is leaving the hospital without her baby. That is something you can't learn in school.

Good luck!

[chester427]

I think being a former mother can only help if you have gotten over the issue of guilt most NICU moms have. I had quads back in 2000, 3 of them died from complications associated with prematurity (one lived almost four months). My daughter survivied. It was my son's nurses who helped me when he was in the NICU. My daughter came home after about 13 weeks so I could not float between both of the hospitals like I usually did. They took care of him like he was their own. After that experience I decided I wanted to help other parents. My daughter had her own issues which she is overcoming. When she was about a year old we went back to our doctor to get pregnant (yes we did fertility). At about 6 weeks, we were told they were triplets. I went out of state to have them and the girls were born at about 34 weeks. Second trip to the NICU was better than the first one but sometimes the saying "Ignorance is bliss" is true. We were fortunate that the girls were feeders and growers.

I started nursing school back in 2004 and will graduate this May. The yearning to be a NICU nurse has only gotten stronger for me. Hopefully I can help someone else's family feel a little less stress during a very stressful time.

[NotReady4PrimeTime, RN]

There was a time when I wanted to work in NICU. Our son was an NICU baby, he had a cardiac anomaly that was repaired when he was 36 hours old. After we took him home, I really thought that was what I wanted to do with my life. Then we experienced PICU... From the moment he was discharged after that experience, NICU was not even on the list! I have worked neonatal intermediate care, and I hated the routine-ness of it. And I have done my share of floating to NICU... ummmm... NO!

That said, I do believe that we veterans of the parent type have special insight into caring for other parents now walking our path. Personally I have only once had a PTSD-like experience, years ago, and because I recognized it and talked about it right away, it didn't become a problem. I don't share my private history with the majority of families, but there are some that I just know would benefit from hearing it. I have no difficulty being objective and using my critical thinking skills at the bedside. I guess it comes down to self-awareness. As you get closer to your goal, you'll find yourself doing little readiness checks all the time. And so what if you get there and realize it isn't really the right fit? There are lots of places that will give you a job! Trust your heart.

[setrn92]

I am a former nicu mom (my 28 week twins will be 6 on Saturday). I am an ER nurse and don't really desire to work NICU. The memories are too painful. I have nothing but respect for those brave nurses. Such challenging work. I was on hospital bedrest for the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and I would be interested in working with antenatal patients experiencing long term hospitalization. Unfortunately, the rest of OB does't interest me much!

[futuregaspasser]

I am a former NICU Mom turned NICU nurse and I have found my calling. Prior to my DD being born at 30 weeks and spending 3 1/2 weeks in NICU, I worked in the Operating Room. I swore I would never leave the O.R. until this experience. Then I said "If I ever leave O.R. it would be to NICU".

Three years later (and a horrible manager in O.R. that lost 36 employees in one year) I made the decision to go to NICU. I had a hard time with the decision as I had worked in O.R. for 7 years.

I can just tell you from my experience that it was the best decision I have made. This is definately my calling, and to think I would have never even considered it if it weren't for my sweet little girl.

Of course my experience as a NICU Mom was a positive one, only a short grieving process of realizing my DD wasn't going to be the happy healthy full term bouncing baby I had envisioned.

I have parents request me a lot, and I believe that is due to my empathy (yet not sympathy). I am told by fellow co-workers that they admire how I interact with the parents. Of course I don't know anyother way, this is just me and my experience.

[LilPeanut, MSN, RN, NP]

I'm on my way to being a NICU nurse and I was a NICU mom.

I think because my son was sick, but it was never truly touch and go with him, it's made it easier for me. Those situations aren't so raw and personal for me.

I also think that because of my experience, it allows me greater empathy for the parents, especially the "difficult" ones, knowing personally how much pressure and strain they are under. I also know the little things that NICU parents often love to hear, and what they hate to hear. (like, when their 7m old weighs 9lbs, they don't want to hear how tiny he is, but how big he is, especially when compared to his 700g birthweight)

So, like others, I think it can be good and bad. Just depends on the person and situations.