forgets her friend died

SilleLu · Mar 21, 2014

In my experience, Lie Therapy is helpful in dementia patients. Your pt will be less stressed and less upset than if you are always telling her that her friend died. I would agree with her that her friend is in the hospital and that she will be back in a day or so, and then redirect her.

Check out this article that explains it better...https://allnurses.com/geriatric-nurses-ltc/therapeutic-lying-dementia-754397.html

brillohead, ADN, RN · Mar 22, 2014

Or, if you're concerned that hearing that her friend is in the hospital, you could also say, "I think she's visiting with family today" or something along those lines. (After all, she's in heaven with her dead relatives... or, if you don't believe in the afterlife, she's probably buried next to her husband in the cemetery.)

I see no reason to re-orient someone who simply isn't going to stay oriented, and for whom re-orientation is likely to bring distress.

duskyjewel · Mar 22, 2014

I work with a lot of dementia patients. Joining them in when/where they're living is the most effective and compassionate way to manage them. Reorientation just doesn't work. I agree that lie therapy is best here. Let her think Mary is in the hospital or wherever for the day.

How sad for this lady that she lost her only friend! How much easier and nicer her life must have been because of that friendship.

cdsavannah59, CNA · Mar 23, 2014

I agree with brillohead. When my mom had Alzheimer's I always made sure to speak or answer her questions to her in a manner that didnt upset her. I Make up something to ease their mind, like, .. You know I'm not sure where Mary is today, I think she went on vacation or I have not seen Mary today but maybe she will call soon. When my mom first got Alzheimer's she overheard me telling my friend about it, so my mom came in the room, looked like she was upset and asked, so you think your mom has Alzheimer's , I was so upset with myself that she had heard me tell a friend she had this disease, but like 10 minutes later my mom forgot all about what she had overheard. I never used that word around my mom ever again, nor did I tell her she had Alzheimer's because she was a former caretaker who cared for Alzheimer's patients and she feared getting that disease more then any other. In the years to come when I answered any question my mother had I did it in a manner as if she was totally sane, as I never wanted her to experience that feeling that she was losing her mind by talking about things that made no sense.

ePerfect · Mar 23, 2014

I work in LTC and I have a resident who is constantly calling for her recently deceased husband (who, by the way, passed away in the same room as her). We don't tell her her husband passed because in ten minutes she'll ask where he is again and it will hurt her more if we keep saying he passed. Usually we tell her that he went to work for a little while and he'll be back later. Or we'll tell her that he's already gone to bed and he'll see you in the morning, how about you get some sleep too?

Changing the subject or redirecting the residents doesn't work very often. Most of my residents are fixated on whatever they are asking for and won't rest until they get an answer. There's no point in telling them the truth when it will upset them and cause behaviors. Often, telling them that the person is away or will be back later, makes them feel better and drop the subject for a short time.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 24, 2014

When my mother was in the middle stages of Alzheimer's, she kept looking for Dad who had recently died. The kind hearted caregivers at the ALF kept telling her that Dad was "out fishing" or "would be back soon." Mom wasn't buying it. Finally, she called my cell phone (which was programmed into the phone at her bedside).

"Your Dad is cheating on me again! They're all covering up for him, telling me he went fishing. But I know he's with that hussy!"

"Dad died," I told her, wondering what I was letting myself in for.

"Oh, thank GOD!" she exclaimed! "I thought he was cheating on me again!" And she hung up the phone, happy.

Some days she called me every few minutes for reassurance that Dad was still dead, but eventually the staff caught on and began telling her the truth. I have to tell you, though, that I did get some strange looks when I answered her calls in public places. Including once at the nurse's station at work on a slow night shift. A visitor came out of the room looking for "the nurse" about that time, and was horrified!

My point, however long it took me to get to it, is not to assume that telling the truth will devastate the patient. Sometimes it's exactly what they're looking for.

cdsavannah59, CNA · Mar 24, 2014

Ruby Vee, I think it is individual personality that determines how they handle the truth of said situation. My mom also had Alzheimer's and would of probably of reacted just like Rosé in the ops story by getting very upset. Your story is so cute about how your mom suspected her husband of cheating. I must say though that I have some wonderful memories of all the funny stuff my mom did when ill with this disease. Once she told the nursing staff that bi.... Stole my husband, and the nurses told me how surprised they were she said that because she had just been quietly sitting there as she usually did. I must admit she was married to my stepfather who was a truck driver and at times in their marriage she had to keep a close watch on his wondering eyes lol.

mvm2 · Mar 30, 2014

Sometimes if she asks where is Rosa ask her where she thinks she is. Many times you might be surprised that they will give you a correct answer. I had a short term memory client whos wife broke a hip and was staying at a facility away from him. I sat with him for 7 hours and he would ask numerous times where his wife was. Sometimes you would say she is at "name" of the facility because she broke her hip. Other times you could ask him where he thinks she is and he would give you the correct answer. I think sometimes that helped more then just telling him all the time because I think it made him feel good that you could say yes you are right.

Now in this instance it is alittle different cercumstances being the person she is looking for has died and that the news is something that upsets her. But in some instances I don't think we always have to lie about things, but just give them the truth even if you have to give them the answer 20 times in the same hour at least in that moment they know you are answering their questions, and treating them with dignity. And always try to watch your tone too. For us we might have more of an irritating tone in our voices if they had asked for the 20th time verses the 3rd time. But put yourselves in their shoes they will be asking a simple question, and if you give the answer with a negative tone they will not understand why because to them they just asked it for the 1st time.