First year nightmare...

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I don't know where to begin, I don't like to sound like I'm a complainer especially since things are soooo hard for other new grads out there especially in my state. But my frustration is beyond human limits. After one year of struggling to get a job in a hospital post nursing school graduation -- I was finally hired. But it's like I've walked into my worse nightmare.

While I am not off orientation as yet, I feel like I'm still left on my own to figure things out, and thrown under the bus most of the time. My orientation experience itself is down right horrid. Due to the hospital's style of nursing practice and the constant understaffing one nurse could end up with between 14-18 patients that's typically half the floor. Even though i'm suppose to be with my preceptor i still feel overwhelmed by it all. I can't tell you how many times i've cried in the bathroom and locker room. I fear for my license every time I go there. I don't feel safe practicing. I don't feel like i fit in. I can't leave because I have no where to go and no other options available to me. I've taken financial blow after financial blow since my decision to go to nursing school. I feel like nursing has ruined my life. I dread going to work when i'm scheduled. I can't believe that after all my hard work this is where I've end up. I know nursing is not easy and I am surely not afraid of hard work, but when you work with people who don't want to do their job and don't have a license to lose you have to pick up their slack AND do your job to, its frustrating. Even more frustrating that administration doesn't give a crap. I don't feel like I can go to my supervisor or manager with my concerns because I'll just end up with a scarlet S on my forehead. I've seen an administrator talk to the RN staff like they were children, didn't even look to find out what the issue was first just talked down to them. I've been yelled at so many times, people forget that I am on orientation, but it's still my responsibility to do things I don't know about that my preceptor hasn't told me about. The staff gets annoyed at my preceptor and take it out on me. I've worked at other hospitals in different capacities and have seen how the RN staff work, seen them practice, seen how other new RN's have been precepted. I've heard their complaints and frustration over things but I've never seen anything like I'm seeing at my current place of business. Due to the absurd nurse to patient ratio, how am I suppose to give quality nursing care?.

Sadly its only 1 month since my being there and I'm absolutely miserable. I worked so hard for this and yet I still feel like a complete failure.

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Specializes in OB/GYN, Peds, School Nurse, DD.

(((HUGS))) I don't think it's you. What you describe sounds terrible. If you truly feel that you can't approach your nurse manager or your preceptor about your concerns, then I'd say that's not an environment that's going to nurture you. And I don't believe it's just because you're new. It sounds like other, more experienced nurses are getting the same treatment. It might be more than you can change. I'd suggest going back to the drawing board. Start looking for another job. Everyone would agree that nursing is hard. But it shouldn't be soul-numbing. Time to move on to something else. Even if you have to deliver pizza, it would be less stressful than this is.

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

14 patients? is this med surg or ltc? if it is med surg i would put in my resignation while on orientation since it is a probationary period for both you and your employer! in fact, find another job now before leaving this one.

if it is ltc, i would talk to some ltc nurses and see how to better time manage since 14 patients is considered to be a light load in ltc. i am told that the average is about 20. some nurses get 40 but they have lpn/lvns who take on 20 each.

by the way, i understand your post and your concerns. the fact that you are not being properly supported at work coupled with the fact that you are a new nurse with a whole lot to learn makes your situation seem unbearable and dangerous. this is why if you must remain (i would only suggest this if it is ltc) then try to find support outside of work. find a mentor and join an organization related to ltc and geriatrics.

as a new nurse time management is almost 100% of the reason why nurses struggle to succeed. poor delegation and being slow to perform tasks that cannot be delegated sucks up a lot of time. if you remain in your environment and find yourself growing, within a year you will see that the tasks that suck up so much of your time now will not do so later on. for example, it used to take me way too long to clean up a patient or on my own even if the patient could roll him/her self over. now i can clean a patient and a bed within 2 minutes by myself. not to mention i am a lot better and faster at administering medications, starting ivs, putting in foleys, dropping ng tubes, etc., which gives me time to put out fires, review diagnostics results, etc.

fyi, i work in an er that is a very unsupportive environment. i started as a new grad post 9 months of med surg. a lot of what i know i learned on my own time. it was hard but i am succeeding and soon i will be able to apply and get a job elsewhere. gl!

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From the writing it sounds like its in a hospital setting. Sounds like a nightmare! Sooo sorry to hear that. When I was still in school, I took an internship and instead of being with an RN I was pretty much by myself with a 5 pt load. I felt thrown under the bus. Now I have an awesome job as an RN.

I know you probably need the income (who can afford to be jobless, really??). I would start looking ASAP while you are still on orientation.

Might try going to your nursing care manager and explain how you feel about taking on too much, lack of an awesome preceptor. Maybe the manager won't be as bad as your think. (

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Thanks for the replys, i have friends in other hospitals trying to help me out. All i can do is hope something comes through. It's tough having an associates (or BSN) with no experience in my city. I really appreciate the support, my family doesn't understand, especially since it took me an entire year post graduation to find a job. Until something happens i just have to suck it up since I can't quit with nothing to go to. Yes its a med/surg unit. I would just like to go to work, and be happy going to work -- although I think nursing ruined me, the other part of me know it hasn't. I enjoy interacting with my patients, i enjoy getting to know them, I absolutely love love love patient teaching, I enjoy comforting them, making sure they are okay while i'm taking care of them, I take pride in it, i really do, but how can i give the best care i can when i have half the floor at times (with my preceptor of course) with no help from the support staff and so many patient's its impossible to keep track. I don't like going to work with dread and fear in my heart, i really don't. My orientation is a joke to say the least. I'll just leave it at that. Hopefully i'll be making a newer happier post in the future. cross your fingers I find something soon.

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Specializes in Psych.

Your story is similar to classmates of mine. They all left those jobs within weeks...unwilling to live like that and put their licenses in jeopardy. They're also without jobs right now (as am I).

I feel like I too am living my worst nightmare and am beginning to regret having headed down this path...

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