I feel stupid- just venting out

[newnewnurse]

I am a very new nurse; two months into a job. I graduated in december 2011, had to take care of some family stuff, then took nclex in may and passed. I started this job around june. I really feel like there are stuff that I forgot in school, and I am learning so many new things everyday. Everybody has been patient and helpful with me, and I am soo soo grateful to them. I am a night shift nurse, and most of the day shift people I have met are also very nice, but the ones that are core staff in the unit where I am, i have a feeling they make fun of me.

Today in the nurse's station, a morning nurse came up to me in front of everybody and asked me about whether the patient has a DVT. I heard from report that she had a DVT history; and I was not able to say the "history" part in report (we tape our reports). Anyways, I was unable to answer him when he told me he couldn't find any DVT on this patient.

I did do a full assessment on the patient and made sure she was fine, but i forgot about how you shouldn't do a homan's sign on a patient with a DVT. I did anyways bec. my mentor advised me to; so I told the morning nurse about this and he said that you are not supposed to do homan's sign anyways on DVT people, and it dawned on me that he is right, and I apologized for that, but he kind of brushed it off, and I saw a nursing assistant kind of smirk when he was asking me this in front of everybody.

I am pretty good at telling how people feel about me, and I do have an idea that they make fun of me when they listen to my report. I shouldn't let this bother me because there are more important things to focus on, like becoming a better nurse and not doing any harm to patients, but i felt really embarrassed this morning. The night supervisor and my coworkers tell me that I am doing great and I appreciate them -- but i also do know that I have so much to brush up on, and I do feel really stupid sometimes and frustrated that I have forgotten stuff.

I really beat myself up on it bec. i feel like to those who haven't worked with me, especially the morning shift crew, i am seeming so dumb, but i was not like this in school; i did study hard, i just forgot things at this point; and i beat myself up for not ever finding enough time to study during whatever day off i have. but i have always tried to be safe and do the best I can. I guess it was just frustrating because some nurses and nursing assistants in the morning make me feel like I am stupid.

I am sorry for whining; I am not like this to anybody, I am just venting out to you guys coz you don't know me and it feels good to let it out. I sooooo want to be a good nurse, but i really don't know if i will ever reach that point. I really like my patients though and like interacting with them, but i know that that is not enough. i shouldn't let this at all bother me, but i feel stupid and embarrassed, and this morning i wondered whether i will ever be a good enough nurse.

[PacoUSA, BSN, RN]

I am also a new nurse, and experience many of the things you described. I feel especially stupid when I go running to my preceptor to let him know that a COPD patient is having trouble breathing and he calmly goes over to the patient, checks O2 sats, she's 94% and suggests we give her an Ativan. I mean, I am showing genuine concern for the patient's distress given my little experience on the floor, but I just don't appreciate the dismissive attitude he has about these things I am genuinely concerned about. I am still learning, and sometimes I wish he would just acknowledge that. I mean, he's a good preceptor otherwise, I just feel stupid when I give the impression that I am concerned about something that for an experienced nurse is not so critical.

I know how you feel, hang in there. We're all going to get better at this.

[mindlor]

I am also a new nurse, and experience many of the things you described. I feel especially stupid when I go running to my preceptor to let him know that a COPD patient is having trouble breathing and he calmly goes over to the patient, checks O2 sats, she's 94% and suggests we give her an Ativan. I mean, I am showing genuine concern for the patient's distress given my little experience on the floor, but I just don't appreciate the dismissive attitude he has about these things I am genuinely concerned about. I am still learning, and sometimes I wish he would just acknowledge that. I mean, he's a good preceptor otherwise, I just feel stupid when I give the impression that I am concerned about something that for an experienced nurse is not so critical.

I know how you feel, hang in there. We're all going to get better at this.

You might wanna remind your preceptor that CO2 can ride on that hemoglobin train just like O2 can.....SpO2 is not always a good indicator....for a COPDer having trbl breathing arterial blood gas is the ticket....if the pt is retaining CO2 then ativan may likely compund the issue.......

[westieluv]

^^^ This. Plus, don't ever feel badly about being too concerned! It's if you were not concerned enough that would be the problem. When a patient is having trouble breathing, that is a potentially life threatening event. Don't second guess yourself for being too concerned. Lives have been saved by nurses who thought they might be overreacting but acted anyway, I've seen it with my own eyes. In fact, not to pat myself on the back, but I have done this a couple of times in my career. Walked into a room at the start of my shift, patient was pale, diaphoretic, pulse thready but up and around in the room and saying he was fine, all I got in report was that he had thrown a few PVCs during the day shift. In reality, he had had runs of V tach and actually had an MI and we transferred him to ICU ASAP. If I had been afraid of appearing to be overreacting, he very well could have died.

Always listen to your inner voice when something doesn't seem right. If you've overreacted, you may feel foolish for five minutes, but if you've UNDERreacted...

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

I did do a full assessment on the patient and made sure she was fine, but i forgot about how you shouldn't do a homan's sign on a patient with a DVT. I did anyways bec. my mentor advised me to; so I told the morning nurse about this and he said that you are not supposed to do homan's sign anyways on DVT people, and it dawned on me that he is right, and I apologized for that, but he kind of brushed it off, and I saw a nursing assistant kind of smirk when he was asking me this in front of everybody.

Not sure what everyone else who responded to this thread is reading, because in your account: he asked you to clarify your report, he gave you feedback, and when you apologized, he brushed it off. Sounds like a good guy to me! Doesn't sound like he was a jerk at all.

As for the aide, they will test you. For some reason, they do. It happened to me, too.

Your reaction to these events is absolutely normal for a new grad who desperately wants to do everything right. You sound like you evaluate your own performance and try to do the best you can and it embarrasses you when you make a mistake. Perfectly normal.

Never lose the self-evaluative part of your work ethic. Just try to develop a thicker skin so that you don't mentally magnify your mistakes, and you will do well.

Good luck.

[PacoUSA, BSN, RN]

You might wanna remind your preceptor that CO2 can ride on that hemoglobin train just like O2 can.....SpO2 is not always a good indicator....for a COPDer having trbl breathing arterial blood gas is the ticket....if the pt is retaining CO2 then ativan may likely compund the issue.......

I seem to recall this patient's lab values being fairly normal the morning after this incident, and just remembered that the patient also suffered from sleep apnea. He had this patient for a while before I was tagged with him, so he seemed to know the routine. Patient was d/c'ed within the next 2 days. Thanks however for the advice!

[porkey2]

Yeah it sounds like he brushed it off to me as well, maybe though for your sake, it would have been much nicer had it been done in privacy instead of in front of everyone, just my two cents. Also, I don't know why nurses make fun of each other the way that they do; it amazes me how they forgotten they were once new!

[newnewnurse]

Thank you all for your advises, input, encouragement.. I am taking them all in and it really helped me.. It feels good to read all of your posts.. thank you again!!!