Hard-won lessons from one nurse's "Summer of Discontent", which began with what seemed to be a secure job and the adulation of many, and ended with a much-changed---and humbled---attitude toward life and work.
If you've been following this series, you know it's been a tough summer for me.......perhaps the toughest one of my half-century-plus on this planet.
In three short, but seemingly interminable months, I lost not only my job and my income, but my very identity. That, surprisingly, has been the most difficult aspect of this experience to accept---harder than the humiliations of unemployment, harder, even, than the job interviews (and rejections) and the forgoing of our usual summer activities because we literally couldn't afford them this year. All of a sudden, I not only didn't have a place where I needed to be every day, I was no longer the person I've believed myself to be for many years: the "go-to" person who dispenses medicine and wisdom, the family's problem-solver and decision-maker, the caretaker and protector of all.
Though my period of idleness came to a fairly swift end---I found a new job after only a couple of months---I've gone through some tectonic shifts in the foundation of my life that have literally shaken me to the core, and while I'm no longer reeling, the aftershocks continue. However, that is not necessarily a bad thing, as I'm discovering something new and transformational every single day:
I've learned that there IS no such thing as security anymore..........if indeed there ever was. I think the illusion of security is about the best we can expect in this life, whether we seek it in a job, a loved one, even an identity. The only consistent thing in life is change; just about the time we become contented with the way things are, something hits the fan and blows it all away, and we have to get used to a new 'normal'. Best to simply accept that fact and get on with it.
I've found that nursing doesn't make me happy. In fact, the career itself is one gi-normous cluster-mug, and if one isn't neurotic, depressed, anxious, paranoid, and chronically anal-retentive to begin with, nursing will make her/him that way. It's not just the crazy hours or the politics, it's because we have so much responsibility....and so very little power. That said, I am a nurse who still finds rewards in the job that I know I'd never find anywhere else, and until that no longer holds true, a nurse I will remain. While my mental health may suffer a little sinus condition from time to time, at least I know now where my vulnerabilities lie so I can avoid the situations that used to send me into a complete tailspin. And THAT's power.
I've come to believe that willful ignorance should be added to the list of deadly sins. I'm not talking about "dumb Doras" here; there is a world of difference between genuine stupidity---which is often inheritable, unintentional, and generally unamenable to fixes---and ignorance, in which one a) behaves as though s/he is stupid, and b) has every intention of continuing in this fashion. We see examples of it every day, not only in our workplaces, but in everyday situations where our managers, co-workers, and even leaders take pride in their open-mindedness to the detriment of all concerned; or when so-called political correctness rules the day instead of hard-headed common sense. To illustrate: how can nurse managers who have ever worked as actual nurses NOT understand that we don't "have the time", no matter what their silly scripts force us to say?
And finally, I've discovered that no matter how much we may think we matter, NO ONE is indispensable, and work---indeed life itself---goes on without us. In fact, I'm happy to report that my former employer is doing just fine without me; the census is back up, and the nurses who toughed it out are working overtime now. And even though some of 'my' CNAs still text me and tell me how much they hate working under the nurse who replaced me, it's clear that they're not going to quit anytime soon......nor should they. Even if loyalties were such that they did want to follow me, I wouldn't want them to disrupt their lives in such a manner; that would be the height of selfishness.
Besides, I'm still looking: the workload at my new job is twice what it was at the old one, and my almost-52-year-old body simply won't last long under these conditions. But thankfully, I'm dealing from a position of strength now---few things are more attractive to an employer than an applicant who already has a job---and since I have absolutely nothing to lose (and possibly everything to gain), I'm going to be very relaxed at my interview with the state government people next week.
The fact that you stated. "on my own time" SHOWS you have a drinking problem and shows you are in DENIAL. Alcohol changes the brain waves. I went to BSN program with a such student who got all A's. AND as you say, "my performance was excellent. She excelled in grades, but it soon caught up with her. They are called FUNCTIONAL ALCOHOLICS. I had a father-in-law who was the director of Salaried payroll at a GM) ALCOHOL is a drug. Please visit an AA group and the state board (where ever you are coming from) they will protect you as long as you are in a progrm.
Wow-how insightful, and timeless, literally. Here in 2010 I'm about to have the same experience. I also Identify with my job. I have been with the same 'system' for 13 years (a nurse for 20) and it's the biggest employer in my state and a top 10 Hospital system. I'm in the Home Infusion Dept.-TPN, antibiotics, chemo, etc. And I'm good at it, I care about the people I serve. Anyway unlike a hospital floor that only has 20 beds so you know you'll never get more than 20 patients, our Home IV managers are forcing us to take on (5 a day is normal) 7,8,9, 10 & more patients. We are salary. Our computer work is a nightmare, a visit note is 13 pages, an admission is between 30-60 depending on insurance. Our staff keeps quitting and they won't stop taking new referrals. So when my boss told me it was OK to be behind on computer work (as opposed to doing it at home every night/weekend-I have 3 children under 10), I was relieved. Then out of the blue this week she chewed me out for being behind!! She threatened to write me up (which means I can't transfer within the system). In other words 10-12 hours 5 days a week without pay and if anyone speaks they are labeled a complainer. So it occurred to me. I need out. I can find another job anywhere. I don't have to work for this system. My ego was telling me I had to and that is a lie. I can negotiate a little more vacation and there are other very good hospitals where I live. You are so right, about all of it. I am 42 years old. I have not been fired yet but am probably too expensive for them and am being 'washed out'. I'll hang in there until I find something. I applied for 6 jobs & had 1 phone lead today. Thank you for being of the same mind-even across time!
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
I agree with you. I have also been out of work. My manager and I did not see eye to eye on issues surrounding safety. It appears that killing the messenger is the appropriate way to remedy that problem. And searching for a new job has been a harrowing experience. First of all, they look at you (I am 55) like you are a prehistoric creature, thinking to themselves "how long will she last". They also know that you will be at the top of their salary scale and why hire you when they can hire two new ones for the same price. They also look at your resume and fear that you might know more than they do. Plus, we know too much so we ask questions and are not as accepting as perhaps a younger nurse would be. Basically, us old girls are just too much trouble. But after 5 months of looking I have finally found a job where my experience will be an asset and my management experience does not frighten anyone. But I had to leave direct patient care to find it. I have been hired by the state as an inspector for hospitals, nursing homes etc. It will be a huge job, lots of travel and lots of rules and regs to learn. I think I will miss seeing patients but this job is better for my constantly aching back. I won't have to be in charge of anything except myself. I hope it will turn out well and that this will be the very last career move I ever have to make because I hate jumping through hoops to try to find a job and the never ending waiting to see if you were selected. I am just ready to get started and to have some stability in my life.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Congratulations! Like you, I too have left bedside nursing and found a job where my age and fitness level do not matter, where my experience and skills are valued, and where I'm not going to be thrown under a bus if I need the other knee operated on. It took some months and a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears, but the wait was well worth it.
Good to hear you had a similarly positive outcome........best of luck in your new position!
Congratulations! Like you, I too have left bedside nursing and found a job where my age and fitness level do not matter, where my experience and skills are valued, and where I'm not going to be thrown under a bus if I need the other knee operated on. It took some months and a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears, but the wait was well worth it.
Good to hear you had a similarly positive outcome........best of luck in your new position!
Curious, can I come. I walk beside a twenty something and cannot keep up with her. I knew my legs were longer than hers, I was taller, but for every step I took she must have taken two. I am always out of breath in the end of the journey. I need a job. I was also fired barking on the 50year mark. No one wants to hire me, or I just do not get responses. A reume is like a diary of age and career stories, so potential employers know about how old I am. Can I come?
Specializes in Critical Care, Convalescent Home Supvr.
Hello, I just made 40 years in the hospital where I work, I first had a fall tore my quad tendon, and used my FMLA benefit and my job was posted, I had also worked at a convalescent home for 20 years, yes I work two jobs for 35 Years plus going to school etc. I went back to work and two months later needed back surgery as a result of the fall. The Saturdlay I came home from the hospital the certified letter was delivered from the convalescent home saying so long you are no longer need. Thank you for your 20 years of service but you have excessive absentee time. I received no warning that I was out too much, verbal or written. I was hurt and devasted. Depression was my middle name. I prayed for guidance. I sent out resumes, I had critical care experience, I was really finished in the hospital. I thought I would try another convalescent home, well I got the picture. No one wants a 70 y.o with 40 years of experience. I understand exactly where you are coming from, My heart goes out to you. I wish I knew the answer. I get around pretty well but to the employer I am a liability. I just go day to day. looking wondering what is there left for me. I had no intention of retiring. My mentor was 80 and still working, she is as sharp as a tack, and could do circles with those around her. Lord help us both. Good luck and God bless you.
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
I went though a similar experience this year, being over 50 and being out of a job for the first time in my life. I was out of work for almost 6 months but am happy to report that I did find a position. And I believe that this entire experience has been a great learning tool for me. I have learned to be more politically correct, to listen more and talk less and to leave work at work. My new position, as a state nursing home complaint investigator will give me a lot of freedom. I will work alone most of the time and be responsible for myself and my work load. I will no longer have to supervise others, worry that someone is going to harm a patient, listen to complaints, fix everyone's problems for them, deal with managers who won't take action, deal with staffing, etc. I will have only myself to worry about. I plan to retire from this job.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Hello, I just made 40 years in the hospital where I work, I first had a fall tore my quad tendon, and used my FMLA benefit and my job was posted, I had also worked at a convalescent home for 20 years, yes I work two jobs for 35 Years plus going to school etc. I went back to work and two months later needed back surgery as a result of the fall. The Saturdlay I came home from the hospital the certified letter was delivered from the convalescent home saying so long you are no longer need. Thank you for your 20 years of service but you have excessive absentee time. I received no warning that I was out too much, verbal or written. I was hurt and devasted. Depression was my middle name. I prayed for guidance. I sent out resumes, I had critical care experience, I was really finished in the hospital. I thought I would try another convalescent home, well I got the picture. No one wants a 70 y.o with 40 years of experience. I understand exactly where you are coming from, My heart goes out to you. I wish I knew the answer. I get around pretty well but to the employer I am a liability. I just go day to day. looking wondering what is there left for me. I had no intention of retiring. My mentor was 80 and still working, she is as sharp as a tack, and could do circles with those around her. Lord help us both. Good luck and God bless you.
My heart hurts for you, blazer..... As bad as my situation was, it doesn't hold a candle to your experience. I hate it that nurses so often get kicked to the curb as soon as they get hurt or, God forbid, actually NEED a little help from their employer after years of service. I hope you will take your story to the Equal Employment Opportunity folks; they are there to help, and although there will undoubtedly be a long wait for a hearing, it may be worth it to pursue a claim of age and disability discrimination.
That said: Have you considered becoming a consultant, or even working in assisted living as I do? Those are two types of jobs where experience is actually valued, and you don't have to run the floors possibly aggravating your injuries. In my work, I still have lots of resident contact, but I can pick and choose the amount of hands-on care that I do (I call in home health or delegate the rest) and most of my job is managerial---auditing records, oversight of the care staff, care conferences etc. They LOVE the fact that I wasn't born yesterday, and even the pay reflects and rewards my experience not only in AL, but overall (I've worked LTC, M/S, ICU, and OB as well).
Hope this gives you at least a couple of ideas. Please don't give up! You have so much to offer and it doesn't sound like you're anywhere near ready to be put out to pasture. GOOD LUCK!!
I am also 52 & have been looking for work for 7 months! I have applied for over 200 jobs, some in my specialty(surgery/endo) & many others...including prison, legal, hospice, home health, flu clinics, med-surg, insurance, rehab/phych, etc. I have applied for LPN & scrub tech jobs as well. It really leaves you with a sense of worthlessness. I have been told that the ideal candidate has a BSN & only a couple years of experience in the field they are applying (so the employer doesn't have to compensate you for every year you have been a nurse). Well I only have an ADN & I have over 20 years of experience. Also for every open position there are 60-250 applicants to compete with. I had never wanted to get my BSN but you can bet that's the first thing on my agenda when/if I do find another job. Until this unemployment I had never gone to an interview where I wasn't offered the position.
I would be homeless if not for family/friends and I won't be celebrating Christmas this year.
It is comforting to know that other's have had similar experiences. I went back to school later in life. Became the nurse I always wanted to be. A patient ruptured a disc in my neck. I had the cervical fusion. After 6 weeks back at work had a code and had spasms for 5 years and couldn't work. Finally a Dr. said we have to investigate. The plate was loose and another disc was ruptured. I tore my rotator cuff rehabbing my neck. It has been a hellish decade but I am looking forward to getting stronger and getting back in the rat race!!
As bad as my situation was, it doesn't hold a candle to your experience. I hate it that nurses so often get kicked to the curb as soon as they get hurt or, God forbid, actually NEED a little help from their employer after years of service. I hope you will take your story to the Equal Employment Opportunity folks; they are there to help, and although there will undoubtedly be a long wait for a hearing, it may be worth it to pursue a claim of age and disability discrimination.
Nelinurse
8 Posts
ik1234,
The fact that you stated. "on my own time" SHOWS you have a drinking problem and shows you are in DENIAL. Alcohol changes the brain waves. I went to BSN program with a such student who got all A's. AND as you say, "my performance was excellent. She excelled in grades, but it soon caught up with her. They are called FUNCTIONAL ALCOHOLICS. I had a father-in-law who was the director of Salaried payroll at a GM) ALCOHOL is a drug. Please visit an AA group and the state board (where ever you are coming from) they will protect you as long as you are in a progrm.