Feeling scared at work/Threats

[abbaking]

I have a co-worker of mine whom is convinced that I am spreading rumors about him. He used to be (up until last night) an aquaintance . I had his cell phone number and I sent him a friendly text asking how work was going. In a nutshell, He told me that he had heard from a third party that I was gossiping about him and another co-worker.

His text message to me included very foul four letter words and a threat. He said that If I didnt watch what I said around him there would be major problems.

I do not know how to take this. I am slightly scared to go to work because of this. Certainly, I will be letting my manager know of this situation - Just to "go on the record". I have spoken to some friends of mine about this. Basically the advise they gave to me is to avoid this individual, only talk with him when it is nessesary for work-related reasons, and filter whatever I say to him.

In all honesty, I feel like i need a new set of eyes in the back of my head.

Just need some opinions here.

[abbaking]

Maybe I'm missing something here but it doesn't sound as if abbaking did anything wrong. It sounds like her co-worker is paranoid either from mental illness or substance use/abuse. She should definitely stay out of this person's way and report this to her manager and if that goes nowhere, go to HR or up the chain. I hope you saved the text in case you need to get a protective order.

i am not a she - i am a he

As far as reporting it to the nurse manager - this incident occured outside of work. Technically its not a hospital related problem.

I am clearly staying out of his way -

I work tonight and i will see what happens

(and yes, I saved the text message)

[ekidsmom]

I have a friend whose mother was murdered over a workplace incident. No one thinks it will happen to them. Please treat this very seriously.

[suanna]

I've made friends at work and made enemies. Never has the thought of physical violence been in the picture. Could your "acquaintance" been just miffed and blowing off steam? I'd bet the "major trouble" is a threat to take his issues to a higher authority. I'd send him a letter- not a text message. Apologize for any missunderstanding between you (unless you were spreading particularly ugly gossip about him) and offer to continue a peaceful, professional relationship with him. I don't think you have the makings of a new best friend, but I doubt anyone with enough sense to become a nurse is about to go postal on you. WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM THIS. Gossip is always distructive. I am as guilty as the next nurse in playing this hurtful game, but the nurses I work with that don't gossip always seem to be the ones I use as a role model in all of my professional practice. Gossip is always fun, until karma comes around and bites you where you live. I would by-all-means telll him how his text disturbed you- I don't know the specifics but I can't imagine that it was his intent to make you afraid of physical harm. As to going to your boss- you may want to give making peace between the two of you first before you escalate this to a real war. We are all grown-ups here and should be able to get along without calling in the boss. If your boss gets involved they may have no option but to start dicsiplinary action against him (and/or you). I can't imagine that making the situation any better.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

I think trying to "make peace" with him deserves a shot. But, if he resists, your manager should be informed in writing and you should detach from communication with him other than what's needed for work. While you weren't at work when you got the text message, you do work with him and the other person involved in the situation. If you can't peacefully resolve it, it will make for a hostile work environment at the very least.

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

Make a copy of his threats any way you can and include them in documentation to your manager. Approach him (with help if needed) and ask what made him think you were gossiping about him. If he has real concerns, you owe him an apology. If you haven't been gossiping about him, suggest he think about who is feeding him information and what their motives are. Perhaps the 2 of you need to confront someone else.

Direct communications work well, but communication triangles cause a lot of problems. Good luck.

[fungez]

Just be careful and trust your instincts. People do get murdered by coworkers - google Vajinder Toor, a hospitalist I worked with who was recently killed by a fellow physician. The guy might be blowing smoke but if he's mentally ill, who knows what he's capable of.

[scoochy]

Maybe I'm missing something here but it doesn't sound as if abbaking did anything wrong. It sounds like her co-worker is paranoid either from mental illness or substance use/abuse. She should definitely stay out of this person's way and report this to her manager and if that goes nowhere, go to HR or up the chain. I hope you saved the text in case you need to get a protective order.

I fully agree; DO NOT erase the text message. Is there any way you can download it? If you feel threatened, I would not idly sit back and do nothing. There is no harm in discussing this with law enforcement. They can give you direction as to what NOT to do v. what TO do. Be proactive and protect yourself!!!

[RiverNurse]

something sounds 'off' about this.

why would you randomly text an acquaintance?

it sounds like you may have been consciously or unconsciously, antagonizing him, or fishing for a reaction/other feedback?

of course i can be 1000% wrong, but i'm sensing bad blood betw you 2.

that said, sure, give the heads up to your nm if it makes you feel safer.

she'll probably get the other nurse's side, and tell you 2 to both knock it off.:)

as for the "threat", he said "there'd be problems".

that can mean a million things, not necessarily dangerous.

hoping this can be nipped in the bud.

While I do not know the specifics of the situation, I do know that "Party B" had a choice in the matter. Whether provoked, gossiped about or antagonized - he could have chosen not to respond in the way that he did. It was very simply, uncalled for and inappropriate, and although outside the workplace - could potentially (if not already) create a hostile work environment.

In this age of technology - FB, tweeting and other social media - there is a virtual exhibitionism going on - a relaxing of personal boundaries and privacy. Texting between acquaintances is not unusual in this day - revealing personal things about oneself seems to happen at the drop of a hat. So, to hear that the OP sent a text message to an acquaintance is no surprise to me.

While this situation is more difficult to define - whether work related or not - it does involve co workers. That being said, I'd still document everything and take it to the NM - firstly, because the threat itself is so vague, it could be a physical threat or maybe not. I've learned that when someone behaves disproportionate to the situation, s/he is not typically thinking rationally. As a result, when a generic threat is made (and I've experienced both generic and specific threats in my life), I've learned to address it in a very serious manner to resolve it as quickly as I can. Secondly, I'd take it to the NM so there will be record of it should the situation escalate.

Finally, it sounds like for "Party B", some additional education on workplace hostility/harrassment might be in order - in addition to a good dose of maturity.

RiverNurse