Feeling lost and hopeless

[kat062711]

Ok, so I do not know if I selected the right category, none of the categories seemed to fit. So here is some background information on me. I am a relatively young nurse, 25, have 2 years of experience mostly in the hospital, and I also live in Colorado.

So recently I did something incredibly stupid, maybe I did it because I had to grow up fast and be an adult from the age 16, possibly acting out, or most likely just plain stupid. So My husband and I were moving and I was trying to get a new job in a new city approximately 1.5 hours away from my current job. It took me 3 months and I finally had an offer, so I put my two weeks notice in- more like a month because I wanted to do right by my manager who gave me my first real break in my nursing career. Everything was set to go, but I had recently experimented with medicinal marijuana. I thought it would be out of my system, I did what many people I know and took a cleanse as well. Anyhow I still failed the pre-employment drug test. It was reported to the state board of nursing. I lost the job, my financial situation is quickly deteriorating. The board took 3 months to even contact me, and I will either end up with a letter of admonition or have to participate in the peer assistance program for a year to keep my license free of any kind of discipline. I was hoping to keep it clean so knowing the requirements of the program I have been trying to find a job that would match. Well it has now almost been 6 months I can't find a job and the nursing board has still not made a decision.

Basically I am terrified and extremely upset with myself for getting myself into this situation. I did not think of the consequences to my career. I never smoked on a day I worked or went to work high. If I did it was on my weekend and it was short lived. Once I decided it was not worth it and I decided to never touch it again took the cleanse and I still failed. I can't seem to get a job, the nursing board is taking forever and I am ruining myself financially. I regret my choices everyday and I want nothing more than to work as a nurse again. Any advice or help is appreciated, or if you had a similar experience and made it through the other end; I would love to hear your story. Please do not reprimand me, I have done that enough, and I am trying to fix my mistake.

[kat062711]

That is what I am most worried about, I do not have any connections like that. I am more than willing to do the program to keep my license and active but finding someone to hire me. I was told by the program once I sign the contract I have t tell them in the interview but I have not done that yet and I may be able to get this one job before that happens; but that also makes me nervous I don't want to mislead people but I need a job. I am not really sure what to do.

[HunnieBadger]

Be honest! I found a nursing position without knowing anyone. I have actually met others whom I work with who are in programs as well.

[1sttime]

Hi, I too was worried about what sort of position I would get after working at the same hospital for 10 years. I found through talking with other nurses in the same program that there are many places that are friendly to nurses with stipulations- and some that are not. Dialysis and triage are two areas- as well as certain hospitals. I looked everywhere, when I searched my current employers website I did not put a specific location (Hospitals and clinics) and found they have an entire nursing staff that works in a triage center. This counts as direct patient care with my BON.

Also the interview was a group interview- made it a little awkward to explain the gap in employment- I just said I had a medical issue and was now able to work again. I spoke to the manager the next day and let her know the details- she said that she is supportive and offered me the job. A year and a half later I still love my new work environment and don't think I would ever go back.

As far as depression I too still can spend a day with anxiety and hopelessness- Even though I had a full blown addiction to opiates I feel the grind of the program and it gets to me. Take it one step at a time and try not to forecast too much (I have spent too much time reading the BON disciplinary minutes to forecast what would happen to me). A good counselor helped me to move through times when I was stuck- I also got a dog (he is always happy to see me, always there when I need a buddy).

Have faith in yourself, you made many right decisions to get where you are professionally- don't let a lapse in judgement or (in my case) illness take away your self esteem.

[kat062711]

Thank you so much for the advice and helping me realize that it is not impossible. Your experiences have given me hope and lifted my spirits. It is still a scary path to be on but I am feeling more determined now. I am sure I will still have my down days but you have all really helped me, so again thank you for sharing it means a lot to me.

[Scorpio12346]

Hey, I was wondering how did your situation turn out? I was wondering what kinda of drug test they did for peer assistance or other similar programs. I smoked pot when I was in school and I am afraid of not passing a hair follicle exam if that is what they give. I have been clean for 3 months and will stay this way but, now I am afraid of not getting my license since the state is requiring me to have a substance abuse exam because of a marijuana ticket I got 2 years ago. I should have quit then and beat myself up literally everyday a few times a day. I had really bad anxiety and pot became a medication to me. I finally figured it out, how to deal adequately with the anxiety but, I'm worried about the type of test they will have me take for the state of CO