Feeling Isolated while on Monitoring

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Hi all, so I'm wondering how most of you deal with the isolation experienced while in these programs.

Im on probation for my first dui for 2.5 more years. Prior to the decision from the board, I enjoyed doing activities that most people in their late 20s do: go out dancing with friends, go out of town on my days off etc. However being on probation has changed my life drastically.

I find myself avoiding going out with friends because I know 9/10 times they'll be drinking and I won't be able to join in. I'm constantly worried about finances as I'm still trying to pay off student loans along with all the fees associated with this program, so I don't even go out to the movies or dinner anymore. I pretty much feel like I'm in limbo and just waiting for this horrible program to be over, but the soonest I can ask for early termination of my program is 2 years into it.

On top of that, sometimes I feel like the board is purposely making this process as tortous as possible. This month I was tested with 4 UAs and a PETH test which means right before xmas I'll get a nice 350 dollar bill from Firstlab. This is without having any positive screens the last 6 months or missing check ins. Firstlab says it's random, I call BS. But suffice to say I won't be xmas shopping for anyone this year.

I used to feel like I was a pretty happy person but lately I've been feeling so helpless and just generally static in life. I mean, it's not to the point where I feel like hurting myself or anything but it's more like sometimes I just want to lay in bed for the next 2.5 years and wake up when this is over.

Any tips you guys have for dealing with this? Next week is my company's annual xmas party and I won the clinical excellence award for my facility this year (which I'm proud of considering all the BS I've had to deal with outside of work). Normally I'd be excited to attend and accept the award but I don't even really feel like going considering it's an open bar party and being around a whole bunch of drunk nurses while sober doesn't sound too fun. What do you guys think?

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Hi gnurse.

I don't know why you feel "isolated". You are complying with the BON requests, that's something you should be proud of. Try to make aquitances and friends with people who do not consume alcohol while "going out". It is actually POSSIBLE to have TONS of fun without any ETOH in your system!

Please please count your blessings, that the Board gave you a second chance!

Good luck amd please never ever drive drunk again! *Hugs*

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Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage.

I can relate to feeling like your life is on hold while being under monitoring. I love to travel but even a weekend trip across the state is a huge, stress-filled hassle. I just want to move on in so many ways but that's impossible right now.

You mentioned the DUI, I'm not sure if you identify as having a problem with alcohol. I am an alcoholic, it took me about ten months before I felt comfortable in my sobriety to "go out." I think you'll find that in most situations, many people aren't going to drink as much as you think they are or as much as you would in that situation. There's also nothing wrong with leaving early if you start to feel uncomfortable.

Free stuff to do -- have you checked out meetup.com? Volunteer work? (Sounds silly but my sister fell in love with volunteering for an animal shelter and now has a great group of friends and a whole social life that revolves around volunteer work for the animal shelter.) I've gone to a couple of free board game nights hosted both by our library and the local board game store. Most outdoors stuff, although it is getting kinda cold...

Try inviting your friends out for sober activities. Or have them over to watch Netflix. There is a HUGE world beyond drinking and drinking-related activities, although I know it doesn't seem like it when that becomes one of those things that you're being told that you can't do...

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Believe me, I'm more than proud of my complying with the BONs demands. I think everyone that has dealt with a monitoring program deserves a good month long vacation at the end of it. As far as drinking and driving goes, it was 4 years ago. I learned my lesson after the dui, this was just icing on the cake.

I guess I focused a lot on the not drinking but the isolation isn't so much that but more the general financial insecurity and lack of freedom these programs entail. I love my job, but there is a small part of me that studied nursing because of the financial security it promised (being that my previous major was screenwriting). It's discouraging now to live paycheck to paycheck...sometimes more like almost paycheck.

I guess I'm more looking for suggestions of how you all deal with the stress these programs bring. Recently I've been looking at volunteer opportunities in my community that I can use to fill up my time without costing me a dime. I've also been hitting the gym as much as possible, I figure I might as well get rid of my beer gut if I'm not drinking anymore.

I do think though that we need to stop giving the BON so much credit and saying we're "so thankful" for this opportunity. I fully acknowledge the seriousness of a dui, but I also think the BON needs to do a better job of tackling these things on a case by case basis. I think it's crazy that everyone gets the same punishment regardless of your offense. Some of you may disagree and I respect that but that's just my two cents

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Believe me, I'm more than proud of my complying with the BONs demands. I think everyone that has dealt with a monitoring program deserves a good month long vacation at the end of it. As far as drinking and driving goes, it was 4 years ago. I learned my lesson after the dui, this was just icing on the cake.

I guess I focused a lot on the not drinking but the isolation isn't so much that but more the general financial insecurity and lack of freedom these programs entail. I love my job, but there is a small part of me that studied nursing because of the financial security it promised (being that my previous major was screenwriting). It's discouraging now to live paycheck to paycheck...sometimes more like almost paycheck.

I guess I'm more looking for suggestions of how you all deal with the stress these programs bring. Recently I've been looking at volunteer opportunities in my community that I can use to fill up my time without costing me a dime. I've also been hitting the gym as much as possible, I figure I might as well get rid of my beer gut if I'm not drinking anymore.

I do think though that we need to stop giving the BON so much credit and saying we're "so thankful" for this opportunity. I fully acknowledge the seriousness of a dui, but I also think the BON needs to do a better job of tackling these things on a case by case basis. I think it's crazy that everyone gets the same punishment regardless of your offense. Some of you may disagree and I respect that but that's just my two cents

OP, please don't get me wrong. I don't worship the BON or anything like that. I am only glad that they give people a second chance. I had a "driving with a suspended license" on my record, and I could still sit for NCLEX.

I am only grateful that they give us a second chance. .

I apologize if I came across differently. I wish you only the best, and you are not alone!

Hugs

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Im assuming you are in california program. I have noticed that they increased there testing the past 3 years to 1- 2 tests a month to 4 and PEth. Hang in there at least its not 5 years like Florida.

Gabby

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Specializes in Emergency.

Do your time...keep a sense of yourself...and the surrealistic horror will be done before you know it...don't expect any semblance of logic or fairness or anything human...you are a number in a bureaucratic system propagated by outdated modalities ...oh yes...P testing is big money...never lose site of that...you will survive intact...endurance is key...forget all the sugar coated platitudes...this is as real as it gets

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

Seems like one of your biggest stressors is having to abstain from alcohol while others are drinking. Does alcohol play that big a role in your life, normally? Maybe time for some new interests, new friends.

The money situation is the pits. How about, instead of Christmas gifts this year, you send everyone a card telling them what their relationship means to you. The ones who are truly worthy of being in your life will hang onto those cards long after the gifts would have been forgotten.

Congratulations on sticking with it so far, and for winning the award in your workplace. I'm sure there'll be other sober people at the party; you might make new friends you hadn't previously considered. Not trying to put a Suzy Sunshine spin on this, but I'm willing to bet you can do this. Hang in there.

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Hugs to you. The stress of this experience will wax and wane. Keep involving yourself in those activities. Being 100% involved and present in your own life 100% of the time is exhausting at first. Even people without drug or alcohol issues who drink from time to time get a break from themselves. We do not get to do that. So...we build ourselves and learn to like, and dare say, love ourselves. We get to become someone we *like* to spend time with. It is no small feat you are embarking on.

I am so glad that you posted this. It is very honest. I am glad that the me from three years ago wrote on this site honestly about the journey I was set on. It's fun to look back and see who I was then. Sometimes I catch a glimps of someone who was *much* better off psychologically than the current me and can see what was happening then that made that person so sound.

So what I do to make this experience the best it can be is I do everything that doesn't hurt me spiritually, physically, and emotionally. In that pattern I have found an myriad of interests I never would have invested in.

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Hi, I completely understand. I got a wet and reckless I'm 2013 and they are just now punishing me. I wasn't even driving the car! I just started the probation and drug testing and I'm so upset about this, I hardly ever drink! This is my third test three days in a row, this is costing so much time, money and stress. Now telling work is embarrassing, misssing time away from my girls. I hardly ever drink. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next three years financially and mentally draining. Lawyer fees, their discovery fees, already completed court punishments and got it dismissed. I feel like this is never going to end. I feel like giving up and I worked so hard for this and love nursing.. any suggestions? The board definitely needs to look at each case, this is so unfair how they treat us. My work already has a probation program and they wouldn't let anyone work under the influence, this is just wrong for people that aren't attics or alcoholics. There should be a class action law suit against the board. I'm willing to fight.

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Specializes in ED,Ambulatory.

This is crazy! i got a dui 21 yrs ago in CT & it never impacted my job at all. It was my first and only offense & I got a work permit to drive to and from work, had to go to ETOH Education on Saturday & got my license restored after 3 months. I go out occasionally - don't drink - and my hubby drinks but not drinking is normal now. Sure I'm an alcoholic but no one at the job had to know or be involved. Is that standard now?

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Absolutely it is standard now. In states like mine the information related to the infraction is posted where everyone can see it forever on the BON website with a link on each page directing visitors to disciplinary action.

I earned my contract through and through. For this reason it is easy for me to accept it and move forward. I feel incredibly bad that everyone gets pushed into the same contracts regardless of the infraction. It's crazy.

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