Feeling Guilty

I dropped out of nursing and I don't know if it was a good decision or not... Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Feeling Guilty

A few years ago I decided to go to a nursing college because the program was cheap compared to the university program that I initially wanted to go to. I had no idea of what nursing was like so I had no idea of what I was getting myself into. I thought nursing was just giving needles to people and checking their temperature. Yeah, there's a lot that I didn't know...

I took it for a year and it was during a bad time in my life so I felt very depressed. I started to hate nursing, I thought seeing wounds, cleaning people up and surgeries were just disgusting. Also, I was a teenager, so getting up for a 7am shift seemed too crazy to me.

I had a placement in geriatrics and the elderly were not what I thought they'd be. They would yell at me for no reason, they would be completely different people during an evening shift and I hated having to change their adult diapers.

I really felt that I wasn't confident enough to become a nurse, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to save someone's life. I remember learning all about needles and how to inject them. I was taught that you shouldn't have any air in the needle or it would kill the patient,.. that freaked me out.

I got stressed out and thought what if I accidentally kill someone??? That would never leave my concious. I absolutely love kids and knew that if I'm going to be a nurse I'd be in the pediatric ward for sure, but then I thought, what if I give a child the wrong dose?? What if I don't notice a symptom and fail to report on it and the child dies??

I also felt that maybe I wasn't mature enough for it. Maybe being a big girl in this new world was a scary thought so then I decided to drop out..

I remember my dad kept pushing me to stay and when I told him that I dropped out, it broke his heart. I thought nursing wasn't for me and that I could help people in another way.

That was three years ago and everyday I think about my decision. Every time I see a nurse I get very envious and think wow.. that could be me right now... I could be saving someone's life right now... It's a very strange feeling because I remember being so upset in my program but once I dropped out I still felt upset.

I went to get my BA in another field of study and it taught me that I really do want to help people out. I spent a lot of time and money on it and I just don't think I could ever go back into nursing due to expenses and if I'm actually REALLY ready for it. I don't want to go into and drop out again.

I don't know what it is about nursing, but I just feel upset every time I think about it.

I feel like maybe writing this story will help me feel better about not completing my nursing program. Maybe someone out there will let me know that it was okay that I dropped out and did something else... I'll be doing another program in the fall (which relates to helping people) so maybe that will help me feel better and maybe I'll get a great job when I finish...

I just need some reassurance that maybe I will find happiness in a different career and that this guilt will go away...

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SarahElizabethJean

About SarahElizabethJean, BSN, RN

Canadian girl with a BA in psychology

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If not, you can always go back once you're a little older and more confident.

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I think when it comes to guilt, identifying WHY something makes you feel guilty is really important

(if your objective is to get past it). If you are still pursuing helping others with another degree/

program, you should definitely not feel any sort of guilt! That is a noble path, and I imagine it

had a lot to do with why you originally chose nursing.

Perhaps these negative feelings have to do with not completing the initial program you selected.

Maybe it's because you remember committing to something in your youth and then not seeing it

through. Maybe it's because your father was emotionally invested in the idea as well. I know that

would make me feel badly, no matter what profession it was.

If you are looking for advice, I recommend positive self talk. If it bothers you when you see

a nursue, for example, just take note of the feeling and say something to yourself about how

you are SIMILAR to the nurse (Ex: "I've chosen to go after the same thing that nurse goes after:

helping people." Or "I could've done that, but I chose this. The world needs both!") Eventually,

you may not feel so badly about it.

My other advice is... Don't feel badly. But that is easier said than done. Lol.

Just remember, you're not lacking for not completing that program. You saw aspects of the

profession that you did not like and chose to do something different. If anything, you should be

proud: You know how many people become a nurse for the wrong reasons and then live to regret it

everyday?

What if you HAD become a nurse and you were miserable every moment for it? Then I bet

you'd feel EVEN WORSE than you already do... Only, it'd also be when you looked in the mirror!

Part of the culture of nursing is "Do no harm", but people rarely speak about the harm that

can be caused by your attitude/demeanor. Dislike is seen through body language, and your

patients surely would've picked up on that, which in turn would only further increase your

dislike of the profession.

Be proud, it's not for everyone. You chose what was for you, and that is more than enough.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

"I just need some reassurance that maybe I will find happiness in a different career and that this guilt will go away... "

No one here can give you that reassurance. The answers lie within you and your willingness to identify your life goals and work toward them.

No one ever receives valuable, introspective advice on an anonymous Internet forum.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

Now that you have a BA, you could always go back & decide to do an accelerated BSN program. That said I do have a couple of things to tell you:

1) You could always get your masters & doctorate in Psychology and help people out by figuring out their psychological needs. Nursing isn't the only profession in which you help people.

2) Assess yourself and see why you feel guilty. What made you think "Oh wow, I could be a nurse right now" Is it for the respect? Money? Reputation? Is it because you broke your dad's heart?

3) NOTHING HAS CHANGED. We still clean up bloody wounds, insert & remove foley catheters, insert IV's and do a lot of procedures that involve blood & body fluids. We also deal with sick kiddos and adults. The families of these patients are incredibly stressed out & may lash out at you and you have to be prepared to face that and not let it get to you.

I wish you all the best in everything that you decide to do. As a new graduate nurse with 1 year of experience, nursing profession has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It's definitely not as pretty and rosy as I thought it was when I was in nursing school.

If you are still passionate about pursuing nursing school, then definitely give it a try.

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You can also get a MSN with a bachelor's in any area. I just did that and I love it. Look into the programs near your area. It took me 25years, but I am finally a nurse. I don't have to go back to school for years if I don't want to. I am also a significant step closer to a management position than most of my peers. Best decision ever!

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You will have to explain why you left school the first time and being immature then won't help you now. Get ready for this before you apply again but it shouldn't stop you.

i agree with the above responder that you will have to do unfun stuff to kids and can and will get chewed out by their relatives as well as the kids. This is part of the job.

suggest you volunteer in a peds hospital or unit BEFORE you re apply. Make sure you like what you could be doing. Likely you will have to start all over in the nursing program and may have to redo some science classes if they are more than a couple of years old. The entry level masters could be a nice option but it's really intense and tough. You wouldn't be working while in a program like this.

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