Feeling Guilty (calling in sick)

ADONLTC · Feb 18, 2006

I work as a DON in a moderately sized nursing home (140 residents) I have 3 nursing units, staffed with a RN nurse manager, LPNs and CNAs. I found this thread interesting for a number of reasons. In the 5 months I have been in this job, staffing and staffing issues seem to take up most of my time. I am constantly amazed at the excuses that people use when they call in sick. Recent excuses:

-A LPN who called in, telling the supervisor that she was sick, but then told her coworkers that she had a wild weekend of sex with her boyfriend and that she was too tired to come to work.

-A CNA who called in because he had to take his wife to the Emergency room. Actually, he was at a party and didn't want to come to work. How did we know? The supervisor called the ED and they had never heard of him. His coworker told me that he was at the same party.

-A CNA, when being counseled for being constantly tardy, said that he was late because the speed limit on the road he came to work on dropped from 55 to 35 (and had for years) and it was slowing him down. It never occurred to him that maybe he should leave for work earlier.

-One CNA didn't like the idea of being written up for attendance because "her son was sick." She forgot to mention the 5 other times she called in because she "just couldn't get out of bed."

-A CNA who told me that "well, when I come to work I'm a great worker."

-A CNA who no called, no showed because she "forgot" she was scheduled, even though she had told the scheduler the day before that she was working.

Cotjocky stated that she "called in sick simply because I didn't feel like going in. There were just a few times that I needed a mental health day." What she did was make her co-workers pick up her slack. The idea of a "mental health day" is bogus. Calling in because you "don't feel like going in" is childish and immature. An adult take responsibility for being at work, even if you "don't feel like it." If one of my staff needs a day off I would rather they come to me, sit down and work out a scheduled day off that works for both of us.

The OP says that she called in because she was taking care of sick kids and was too tried to work due to lack of sleep. I have to ask, why didn't your husband stay home and take care of the kids? When my children were young, my wife and I split the duties. I would stay home one day and she would stay home the next. I tell the staff who work in the nursing department that they need to find back up babysitters (yes, I know, not always easy), but ultimately, their attendance is their responsibility.

Viking woman holds her DON "partially responsible for her poor scheduling abilities and burning all of our nurses out at this facility!" Did she ever stop to ask why the nurses were being burned out? Is it possible that the call ins are to blame? Has she ever sat down with her DON and worked out a schedule?

When I hire people, I tell them that I have only 3 expectations of them: They come to work, they be there on time and they do their job when they get there. You can be the best nurse, the best nursing assistant, the best at what you do, but if you are not coming to work, you are useless.

As the DON, I have to balance the needs of the staff with the needs of the residents. I do understand that emergencies happen. Kids get sick, cars break down, life happens. I would like to know, however, why these "happens" always seem to happen to the same staff people. I can accept the occasional call in. I cannot accept those who call in for the least little thing.

wincha · Feb 18, 2006

The OP says that she called in because she was taking care of sick kids and was too tried to work due to lack of sleep. I have to ask, why didn't your husband stay home and take care of the kids? When my children were young, my wife and I split the duties. I would stay home one day and she would stay home the next. I tell the staff who work in the nursing department that they need to find back up babysitters (yes, I know, not always easy), but ultimately, their attendance is their responsibility. >>

I'll reply to this one. If I worked full time my husband would still make more than twice my salary. I am going to work full time and expect him to help out some when the kids are sick(luckily not often) but this is when he doesn't have meetings scheduled. He doesn't work 8 hour shifts actually when he is in his busy season he works 16 plus hour days and there are many other times of the years he puts in alot of hours. . When I had a child that had a severe illness I had to take a 4 month leave off of work years ago. My husband is a professional and has clients that he sees and cannot cancel because his children are sick. He rarely takes off if he is sick. If he can walk out that door he will go to work. I have gone to work wheezing with bronchitus. My job doesn't care. I get it the poster is a male nurse and maybe his wife has a flexible job. My husband is the breadwinner so thats why when my kids were young I worked very part time in the evening. Now that my youngest is in school all day I am getting a full time job. I also have teenagers that might be able to help out on spring break and summer vacation. Many companies do recognize sick days for the family including the children or even parents some nurses are now taking care of.

ADONLTC · Feb 18, 2006

wincha states: if i worked full time my husband would still make more than twice my salary.

so, does that mean that your job isn't as important as your husbands? i have been the "breadwinner" in my family, but my wifes job was just as important to her as mine was.

wincha states: when i had a child that had a severe illness i had to take a 4 month leave off of work years ago.

there is a big difference between taking a 4 month leave of absence and calling in sick everytime your child is sick, instead of yoiur husband taking the time off

wincha states: my husband is a professional and has clients that he sees and cannot cancel because his children are sick.

does that mean that you are not a professional and you should be able to call in?

wincha states: i get it the poster is a male nurse and maybe his wife has a flexible job.

actually, when my youngest was 7 we could work it out that my wife could stay home full time. but before that happened, i still split the time with my wife. im also the one who got up in the middle of the night with sick kids (my wife is not a nurse - cant stand sick people)

wincha states: many companies do recognize sick days for the family including the children or even parents some nurses are now taking care of.

i have no problems with staff occasionally calling in for a sick child and i certainly let the staff use sick time (persoanl time) to care for them. i have a real issue with the expectation that the women are the only ones to do it. and i have very big issues with staff that use it as an excuse.

and btw, are you considered a "female" nurse? im a nurse, who happens to be male, not a "male nurse".

Lisa CCU RN, RN · Feb 18, 2006

Your employer hired you not your kids (or husband, truck, animals). You have a duty to those who pay you. Get someone to take care of your other business or take vacation time. I have no empathy for those who carelessly dump on their colleagues for other than true emergencies. Modern RN's have very little loyalty to their fellow nurses or to their institution. Always a sore subject for someone who has been nursing for about 36 years and has called in for real reasoins of personal illness about 2-3 times.
JCGCRNA
Has anyone else called in sick when their children were sick? I work night shift on a very busy cardiac step down unit. My 7 year old had a fever of 102.6 when I went to work. My husband was given a medication schedule for the Tylenol and motrin. When I returned from work in the morning, my husband told me the children had a 2 hour delay from school due to snow:rolleyes: Despite the fact he an important meeting, he rearranged his schedule so I could take a shower and go to bed with my sick son and try to get some sleep. Half way through my shower he informed me the 2 hour delay was now a cancelled school day. I told my hubby to just go to work. The few hours he had arranged for me to sleep was not going to happen with 2 very excited kids who wanted to play in the snow. I now have three children staying home from school. I was so worried about not being able to get the sleep I needed before the next shift I called in sick. I have NEVER called in sick unless I was truely sick. I have been feeling sick to my stomach ever since.
Please tell me some of you have used your sick days for family sick days and that management didn't punish you for it. I have to go into work tonight and know I don't look sick...the guilt is just killing me....
P.S. I called in 8 hours before my shift started. I tried to give as much notice as possible..I do hope they found a replacement:uhoh3:

You're 61. You'd think you'd be wiser than this.

We (I'm referring to modern RN's ) live in a totally different world. You can't keep your kids from getting sick and you can't expect safe patient care from someone who has not slept for 48 hours.

Employers have options to provide adequate staffing--it's called AGENCY.

If you pay workers, you should be smart enough to realize that people don't run on D batteries and we don't have perfect kids that don't get sick.

There rarely is a place that watches sick kids.

Gompers, BSN, RN · Feb 18, 2006

wincha states: if i worked full time my husband would still make more than twice my salary.
so, does that mean that your job isn't as important as your husbands? i have been the "breadwinner" in my family, but my wifes job was just as important to her as mine was.
wincha states: when i had a child that had a severe illness i had to take a 4 month leave off of work years ago.
there is a big difference between taking a 4 month leave of absence and calling in sick everytime your child is sick, instead of yoiur husband taking the time off
wincha states: my husband is a professional and has clients that he sees and cannot cancel because his children are sick.
does that mean that you are not a professional and you should be able to call in?

one of the reasons i decided to be a staff nurse was that if i have to call in sick or take a leave of absence - it will be okay. yes, they will have to find another nurse to fill in for me for those shifts. but it doesn't really matter that i'm not there. what i mean is - if i had a desk job (like many of our spouses do), i am the one that does that job, period. if i call in or take a leave from a desk job, all hell breaks loose - plus, when i come back, there will be a mountain of unfinished work for me to do. whereas if i miss a nursing shift, the unit will go on just fine without me, because, basically, a nurse is a nurse is a nurse. they can get someone to work overtime, call a registry or float pool nurse, or even call agency. it will be fine. meanwhile, if my husband called in, no one would be there to do his job because it's specific to him and it's harder for his coworkers to cover for him. he hates calling in because he'll just have to work that much more the day he goes back, since no one did his job while he was gone. but if i called in, another nurse will have done my job, and i just start fresh the next time i go in. it's not like the patients i would have been assigned that day were pushed aside - they will have been cared for whether or not i was there. sorry that's so long-winded, but that's what i think the other poster meant by saying her husband was a professional and can't call in very often, while as a nurse, she can.

this is also one of the reasons i will always work in a very large icu. we work with about 18 nurses per shift. we also have to call in at least 3 hours before our shift is to start. that gives the charge nurse and nursing supervisor several hours to find an extra nurse to come in. and if they can't get extra help, we run a little short. but in a huge icu, "short" isn't the same desperate situation it is on the floors or in ltc. it's not like the nurses who usually have 7 patients will now have 10-11 patients. "short" for us means that we might pick up one stable patient on top of our normal assignment. it's not that bad, compared to the floors. i'm not saying this is an excuse to call in any old time - but it does prevent me from sitting at home, sick as a dog, worrying that my coworkers are being worked to the bone with double assignments because i called in. i know that they will get throuh the night without me.

i like not having a job where i don't have specific responsibilities that no one else can take care of should i be sick. it makes life a little less stressful.

ABQLNDRN · Feb 18, 2006

I have a family and adamantly defend the stance that those in managerial positions should take their employees' situations on a case-by-case basis.

In another thread that I started, I mentioned that I resigned a position I had at a hospital becasue I had extensive attendance issues due to horrible babysitters. Sitter #1 wanted more money, even though the daily rate I was paying her was higher than what she was receiving from everyone else. Her replacement, sitter #2, put on a great interview. She told me that she was able to watch my son, then was unavailable for the next 5 days that I needed her. She didn't even call me until around 9pm the night before my shifts to tell me, and once even called me at 5am the day OF my shift. I had NO CHOICE but to call in to work. (I have no family here, and my "back-ups" were unavailable.) Naturally, I fired her, but that still didn't relieve the problems I was having with my attendance at work. I was SO embarrassed to even show my face at work. I scrambled to find another babysitter. I found one, a new neighbor, who turned out to be reliable. Two months after hiring her, her whole family got the flu, and she couldn't watch my son for a couple of days. This was around Christmas, so my "back-ups" were out of town. At this point, my manager had HAD it. He called me in to discuss my "future" on the floor. Since I was in a casual pool position as a nurse intern, my absences were not affecting staffing. He was just fed up. Since I am in my last semester of my BSN program, I could still get student loans. So, I made the decision to take out one more loan and back out of the intern program. I did not want to be a pain to him anymore and wanted to preserve whatever good was left of my reputation. I am a good worker, but I wasn't there as often as I wanted to have been. (During the meeting we had, he told me that, "Frankly, if you were to apply here tomorrow, I wouldn't hire you." I wouldn't have expected him to, but I wouldn't apply there anyway).

I completely understand managers being frustrated. I understood why my manager was. I wish that none of the things that happened did, but there was nothing I could do about it at the time.

For those who are in managerial positions--I know your job is hard and exasperating at times and you get fed excuses for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'm sure it can be so exhausting to feel like working adults are carrying on like children. I admire your tenacity. Just try to understand that not all of your workers are trying to get away with something when they call in. Some people are not lying. Don't be quick to want to can them, because the boss that stands by his or her people will find that his or her people will stand by and work hard for him or her. A good, understanding boss is worth his or her weight in gold.

Birdwatcher1, RN · Feb 19, 2006

It doesn't matter to me why anyone calls in. IMHO that's one of the big problems with nursing, everyone is in everyone else's business (management excluded, I've been there and you have to deal with those who abuse the system). If someone needs time off for kids, mental heath, whatever, that's their business.

BUT what bugs the you-know-what out of me is when I, as a result of call-ins, have to float to some other floor to which I haven't been oriented.

That is unsafe for everyone, and is one of the things that stresses me out the most--I absolutely hate it. :eek: Sometimes, especially after it snows (a mega call-in time) AND our unit census is low, it's really tempting to call in to avoid being floated. But I've not done that... yet!

bethin · Feb 20, 2006

Ummm not all of us want a career and kids....some have no choice. My cousin whose husband died suddenly and too young when her daughter was 5 comes to mind. She was forced to go back to work fulltime (after being home fulltime w/the child). Another relative's husband ran off with another woman, starting a whole new family and sent her next to no child support for years. She was forced to work fulltime and go to school for LPN-RN so she could support her two kids, who would somehow just not quit eating, growing and needing things.
And finding sick daycare is nearly impossible. Most kids want to be home when they are sick, so mom or dad has to call off sick to care for them. No crime there. When one is a single parent, there is no one else to depend on to cover when kids' needs come up.....
And most parents dont' call in sick for every silly kid thing. That is for another thread! It's hard as a person without kids to know the conflict one feels when he/she must call off sick due to kid needs (and I not talking piano recitals here).
The old "walk a mile in my shoes" saying comes to mind here. IF your place of work is screwing you over for those who have kids, maybe you could consider making a stink about it, or moving on?

:yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat:

As to the OP's question, I wouldn't feel guilty. I don't have kids but when my nieces were sick and my brother and SIL were sick even more, I jumped in to take care of them. I was sooooo tired that I did call in. I called in sick because I was so tired that I actually threw up. If I had went to work I would have been useless and unsafe.

Technically, I made a choice to take care of them. But I take care of my own and if that interefers with work one day out of the year then so be it. I felt guilty for one minute then I took a look at the chaos surrounding me and I knew there's no way I could leave my baby nieces in the hands of parents who were taking turns in the bathroom.

KuteNurse, LPN · Feb 21, 2006

Awww...that is life hon. Do not fret. Remember your family comes first before all else. Don't feel guilty taking care of your own children. They will always find someone else to work. It is not like it happens all the time.:)

Plagueis · Feb 21, 2006

I
Cotjocky stated that she "called in sick simply because I didn't feel like going in. There were just a few times that I needed a mental health day." What she did was make her co-workers pick up her slack. The idea of a "mental health day" is bogus. Calling in because you "don't feel like going in" is childish and immature. An adult take responsibility for being at work, even if you "don't feel like it." If one of my staff needs a day off I would rather they come to me, sit down and work out a scheduled day off that works for both of us.
The OP says that she called in because she was taking care of sick kids and was too tried to work due to lack of sleep. I have to ask, why didn't your husband stay home and take care of the kids? When my children were young, my wife and I split the duties. I would stay home one day and she would stay home the next. I tell the staff who work in the nursing department that they need to find back up babysitters (yes, I know, not always easy), but ultimately, their attendance is their responsibility.
When I hire people, I tell them that I have only 3 expectations of them: They come to work, they be there on time and they do their job when they get there. You can be the best nurse, the best nursing assistant, the best at what you do, but if you are not coming to work, you are useless.
As the DON, I have to balance the needs of the staff with the needs of the residents. I do understand that emergencies happen. Kids get sick, cars break down, life happens. I would like to know, however, why these "happens" always seem to happen to the same staff people. I can accept the occasional call in. I cannot accept those who call in for the least little thing.

I understand that employees shouldn't abuse the call-out policy. It is hard to work short as a CNA. However, just because some employees abuse this doesn't mean that every employee who calls out is doing the same. My and my friends' employers offer two to three weeks of sick time per year, but some of my fellow CNAs tell me that their employer gets mad even when they dare to use the sick time. A couple have told me that their bosses got angry at them for calling out sick, even when they had a doctor's note! :angryfire Why offer sick time, but then try to make employees feel bad about using it? Also, kids are unpredictable. There is no shot available that will prevent kids from getting sick at inconvient times. Daycare centers and schools will not allow sick kids to go there that day, so if a child is sick, one parent has to stay home. (Unless there are relatives/friends around to help, and that is not always the case.) Some employers allow parents to use sick time when their children are sick, but others don't, so if parents have a choice to make, they are going to choose to stay with their kids, and employers should understand that.

Caper RN · Feb 16, 2010

I am currently facing calling off due to no sleep. It is a regular occurrence for me not to get sufficient sleep prior to my first shift but when I don't sleep at all I struggle with this. Is it safe for my patients and myself if I do go to work on absolutely no sleep?? I usually suck it up and go feeling unwell the whole day but I'm just not feeling it today. I do feel guilty calling off and worry about what my co-workers think and hope that they don't have to work short. Whenever I do go sleepless my co-workers say that I'm crazy and that I should have called off...lets hope they feel that way today :yawn:

Idontknowbetter · Feb 16, 2010

My hospital's sick day policy is pretty generous (since we are unionized) compared to most other nurses out there. We are allowed to miss 12 days per year. Do you know how many shifts I call out per year? 12. It's a "use them, or lose them" every year type of deal. Management can't say anything to us, per our contract, as long as we're 12 or under per year.

Anyway, family and yourself come first - always. And yes, I've been one of those nurses that called off because of an American Idol finale - I didn't feel guilty at all. Hospitals are loaded and have access to tons of registry nurses - let them deal with it. Enjoy your shifts off... I know I do. ;-)

Forgot to add... staffing can't even ask us why we're calling off, or make us feel guilty (per the contract, again). A conversation goes something like this: Nurse: "I can't come into work tonight." Staffing secretary: "Ok, Thank you." The end. :)

I work in California where we have nurse to patient ratios. No matter how many nurses call off sick, a nurse is only allowed to take X amount of patients, regardless. So in essence, the "feel guilty" for your coworkers is not there simply because they will get the same number of patients, no matter what.