Feeling Guilty (calling in sick)

LydiaNN · Feb 18, 2006

At my work, we have both personal sick time and family sick time (the same number of hours per year; it can be distributed in any combination, though- all for yourself, all for your family, or any ratio thereof). This is a good way of doing things, I think, as it is built into the needs of the agency and no one need feel guilty about taking time to which they are entitled.

LydiaNN · Feb 18, 2006

I know I will probably get blasted for this, but why is it that people want their cake, and eat it too? You wanted both a career and a family, and you have responsibilities to both- your choice. If it is something that happens only rarely- then don't feel guilty, but I have worked with people who "Call In Sick" for every piano recital, runny nose, and soccer game. And I have been scheduled for nearly every holiday, because "You don't have children."

Good luck staffing a hospital with people who have no life or responsibility outside of work. I'd venture to guess you'd end up losing about 80% of your mid-career level staff and a hefty percentage of newbies and senior level to boot. What is the point of ignoring the fact that people have obligations outside of work? The wise hospital acknowledges this when hiring staff and planning schedules.

ABQLNDRN · Feb 18, 2006

your employer hired you not your kids (or husband, truck, animals). you have a duty to those who pay you. get someone to take care of your other business or take vacation time. i have no empathy for those who carelessly dump on their colleagues for other than true emergencies. modern rn's have very little loyalty to their fellow nurses or to their institution. always a sore subject for someone who has been nursing for about 36 years and has called in for real reasoins of personal illness about 2-3 times.
jcgcrna
i agree, and i am certainly not suggesting that anyone should abuse calling in just because they have kids. nor do i think think that employers should be callous when it comes to taking care of one's family. so many people out there want to fill the nursing shortage, but it seems that they only want to fill it with those who are single and are willing to stay single their whole lives. sorry, that is not realistic. also, whether people have families or not, there are always going to be those who call in for any reason they can think of. i'm sure that almost all of us have been affected by such people.
also, modern rns are different than the rns of years ago. the rns of years ago lived in a different economy, when one paycheck per household sufficed and you could take time off to raise your children until they entered school. modern rns must find a way to try to balance work and home, lest they find themselves homeless for not being able to pay the mortgage. there are some lucky rns who are married to someone who has enough money to carry the household, but not the majority. modern rns are just as dedicated to their workplace as "seasoned" rns. we are not eager to call in, aloof about our impact on our co-workers, apathetic toward our workplace, etc., but when we are forced to make a choice between our children and our workplace, i think our social obligation to be good parents and our deep love for our children will prevail.

KyPinkRN · Feb 18, 2006

Your employer hired you not your kids (or husband, truck, animals). You have a duty to those who pay you. Get someone to take care of your other business or take vacation time. I have no empathy for those who carelessly dump on their colleagues for other than true emergencies. Modern RN's have very little loyalty to their fellow nurses or to their institution. Always a sore subject for someone who has been nursing for about 36 years and has called in for real reasoins of personal illness about 2-3 times.
JCGCRNA
Has anyone else called in sick when their children were sick? I work night shift on a very busy cardiac step down unit. My 7 year old had a fever of 102.6 when I went to work. My husband was given a medication schedule for the Tylenol and motrin. When I returned from work in the morning, my husband told me the children had a 2 hour delay from school due to snow:rolleyes: Despite the fact he an important meeting, he rearranged his schedule so I could take a shower and go to bed with my sick son and try to get some sleep. Half way through my shower he informed me the 2 hour delay was now a cancelled school day. I told my hubby to just go to work. The few hours he had arranged for me to sleep was not going to happen with 2 very excited kids who wanted to play in the snow. I now have three children staying home from school. I was so worried about not being able to get the sleep I needed before the next shift I called in sick. I have NEVER called in sick unless I was truely sick. I have been feeling sick to my stomach ever since.
Please tell me some of you have used your sick days for family sick days and that management didn't punish you for it. I have to go into work tonight and know I don't look sick...the guilt is just killing me....
P.S. I called in 8 hours before my shift started. I tried to give as much notice as possible..I do hope they found a replacement:uhoh3:

:angryfire

Not everything is about making money. A good employor knows this. Just because they pay you doesn't mean they should be your top priority, especially when having and raising children. IMO you have more of a duty to take care of your children since they can't take care of themselves. YOU are soley responsible for them where as at work your shift can be covered by someone else. No one else is going to step in and take care of your kids like you would. Obviously the OP didn't just "carelessly dump on her colleagues", but let's think about this... you can always find another job you will never be able to get back the time you don't spend with your children. Everything has a time and place, in my life my kids always take priority over everything. Calling in because your kid is sick I assure you is a very REAL reason. It is people like you who make it harder for parents too get by in the workforce. It's definitly commendable that you have such a good attendance record at work. How would you kids describe you as a parent? :banghead:

wincha · Feb 18, 2006

Has anyone else called in sick when their children were sick? I work night shift on a very busy cardiac step down unit. My 7 year old had a fever of 102.6 when I went to work. My husband was given a medication schedule for the Tylenol and motrin. When I returned from work in the morning, my husband told me the children had a 2 hour delay from school due to snow:rolleyes: Despite the fact he an important meeting, he rearranged his schedule so I could take a shower and go to bed with my sick son and try to get some sleep. Half way through my shower he informed me the 2 hour delay was now a cancelled school day. I told my hubby to just go to work. The few hours he had arranged for me to sleep was not going to happen with 2 very excited kids who wanted to play in the snow. I now have three children staying home from school. I was so worried about not being able to get the sleep I needed before the next shift I called in sick. I have NEVER called in sick unless I was truely sick. I have been feeling sick to my stomach ever since.
Please tell me some of you have used your sick days for family sick days and that management didn't punish you for it. I have to go into work tonight and know I don't look sick...the guilt is just killing me....
P.S. I called in 8 hours before my shift started. I tried to give as much notice as possible..I do hope they found a replacement:uhoh3:

of course i have used sick days when my children are sick. my husband makes over twice that i do. he works overtime all of the time. occasiaonally he can take off. luckily my kids are well. i also work very part time and in the evenings.

wincha · Feb 18, 2006

I know I will probably get blasted for this, but why is it that people want their cake, and eat it too? You wanted both a career and a family, and you have responsibilities to both- your choice. If it is something that happens only rarely- then don't feel guilty, but I have worked with people who "Call In Sick" for every piano recital, runny nose, and soccer game. And I have been scheduled for nearly every holiday, because "You don't have children."

not blasting but what do you suggest a single mom do not work? some people have no choice but to do it all as you put it

wincha · Feb 18, 2006

just popped in to see what was new on the site and had to respond to this thread; especially since hubby 'picked' a fight with me last night for missing a shift at work!

i recently returned to floor nursing (i am an lpn in a snf/ltc) at my former place of employment. i have had an injury that affected the number of hours i can comfortably work and i related this to the don when hired back, so that she would schedule me accordingly. what does she do my first month back? schedules me 6 days a week! i became stressed, exhausted, sick with the flu and in pain. i called in a couple of times.

the next month it was apparent that i was being 'punished' by my schedule. minimal hours (not enough to live on) and lousy shifts (i was hired for a specific shift, but willing to cover).

this last week our college age daughter had a medical emergency, hubby could not leave work to accompany me, so i left to attend to her, got snowed in and yes, i missed another shift!

my point being, i feel very guilty, i have discussed all of these factors with my don, i hold her partially responsible for her poor scheduling abilities and burning all of our nurses out at this facility! we have had a very high rate of call-in's since i have returned! we are all exhausted. oddly enough though, our numbers of staff available to work is not low. there are plenty of nurses that we could each have to only work one week end a month, yet i worked 3! we are also very 'top' heavy with rn's promoted to desk jobs that never get pulled to cover the floor! that includes the don.

needless to say, our morale is in the toilet. what is the solution?

she said she would work with you and did not. i would get a docs note limiting your hours however if she punishes you by no hours or lousy shifts i would find another job and give her notice

Gompers, BSN, RN · Feb 18, 2006

also, modern rns are different than the rns of years ago. the rns of years ago lived in a different economy, when one paycheck per household sufficed and you could take time off to raise your children until they entered school. modern rns must find a way to try to balance work and home, lest they find themselves homeless for not being able to pay the mortgage. there are some lucky rns who are married to someone who has enough money to carry the household, but not the majority. modern rns are just as dedicated to their workplace as "seasoned" rns. we are not eager to call in, aloof about our impact on our co-workers, apathetic toward our workplace, etc., but when we are forced to make a choice between our children and our workplace, i think our social obligation to be good parents and our deep love for our children will prevail.

great post!

i don't think there is anything wrong with making family the priority over work. if and when i have kids, if one of them is very sick, i would most likely call in as well if my husband wasn't able to stay home that day. it doesn't mean that i am not loyal to my job - it just means that i am more loyal to my family. they can always find someone else to take my shift - but i can't find someone else to care for my family member!

we have several nurses that call in when their parents are sick, as well. we don't get upset about it either, that's for sure. our unit is full of aging nurses and their parents will not be around for long. so if a nurse calls in and just says, "my mom is really sick, i'm taking her to the hospital..." we say, "you take care, okay?" because if we made that nurse feel so guilty that she came in - and her mother ended up passing away - what kind of people would that make us?

family is the number one priority. work is after that. the hospital will not collapse if you call in. if you or another member of your family is very sick, then just call in and stop feeling guilty! you will not do your patients any good - and might well cause them harm - if you come in when you are sick or have had no sleep.

wincha · Feb 18, 2006

Your employer hired you not your kids (or husband, truck, animals). You have a duty to those who pay you. Get someone to take care of your other business or take vacation time. I have no empathy for those who carelessly dump on their colleagues for other than true emergencies. Modern RN's have very little loyalty to their fellow nurses or to their institution. Always a sore subject for someone who has been nursing for about 36 years and has called in for real reasoins of personal illness about 2-3 times.
JCGCRNA

that was pretty cold. many companies do recognize sick days for family members. why would you use vacation time when you are sick? you didn't plan it. also you can't just get someone to come to your home when your kids are sick or you can't take them to a daycare when they are sick. your post looks like it is from someone who doesn't have kids are would dose them up with motrin and send them to school anyway to get the entire class sick so you could go to work. if some people are lucky they might have family in town but thats not always the case.

ABQLNDRN · Feb 18, 2006

:angryfire

not everything is about making money. a good employor knows this. just because they pay you doesn't mean they should be your top priority, especially when having and raising children. imo you have more of a duty to take care of your children since they can't take care of themselves. you are soley responsible for them where as at work your shift can be covered by someone else. no one else is going to step in and take care of your kids like you would. obviously the op didn't just "carelessly dump on her colleagues", but let's think about this... you can always find another job you will never be able to get back the time you don't spend with your children. everything has a time and place, in my life my kids always take priority over everything. calling in because your kid is sick i assure you is a very real reason. it is people like you who make it harder for parents too get by in the workforce. it's definitly commendable that you have such a good attendance record at work. how would you kids describe you as a parent? :banghead:

:yeah: yay jennylr!!!! woo-hoo!!!!

ABQLNDRN · Feb 18, 2006

that was pretty cold. many companies do recognize sick days for family members. why would you use vacation time when you are sick? you didn't plan it. also you can't just get someone to come to your home when your kids are sick or you can't take them to a daycare when they are sick. your post looks like it is from someone who doesn't have kids are would dose them up with motrin and send them to school anyway to get the entire class sick so you could go to work. if some people are lucky they might have family in town but thats not always the case.

aaaaamen, wincha!!!

LydiaNN · Feb 18, 2006

Your employer hired you not your kids (or husband, truck, animals). You have a duty to those who pay you. Get someone to take care of your other business or take vacation time. I have no empathy for those who carelessly dump on their colleagues for other than true emergencies. Modern RN's have very little loyalty to their fellow nurses or to their institution. Always a sore subject for someone who has been nursing for about 36 years and has called in for real reasoins of personal illness about 2-3 times.
JCGCRNA
I don't understand what difference you think it makes whether she took a sick day or a vacation day (as you are advocating). Her shift would still need to be covered. What possible advantage is there to the rest of the employees in her using a vacation day imappropriately rather than a sick day appropriately??? As far as only calling off for personal illness 2-3 times in 36 years, I wonder how often you worked just ill enough to be contagious (as, in my own experience, most people with near perfect attendance do). If you are one of those blessed with remarkable health, you should be grateful, but also realistic enough to know that we wouldn't be given a certain number of sick days in the first place if it wasn't anticipated that they'd be needed.