Feeling Guilt For Being Sent Home

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I am on my CVICU orientation. We have mostly lung and heart transplants coming straight from OR. My preceptor told me that I have amazing knowledge to begin with and learn really fast. However, she wasn't sure if I could handle two patients on a busy day and sometimes they give us three. I am 18 weeks pregnant and sometimes it used to happen (first trimester) that I needed a break during the busiest time 8am-10am (passing meds while doctors want you to round while patients want to be cleaned). Of course after the break, I was already behind (even though my preceptor would take over some tasks). On top of that, I need extra help with lifting and pulling patients. 

Few weeks ago, I had this horrible pain and was sent home. Yesterday, I had another pain around 5pm that wasn't going away even after sitting down in a break room and I was sent home again. My manager suggested that I transfer to tele floor and come back after the baby. She also said if that is not what I wanted I am welcome to stay. 

I feel so guilty for being sick from pregnancy (because once I get home and lay down it goes away like nothing happened). At the same time I feel like a loser being demoted back to tele floor and not even sure if that is going to be easier on my pregnancy since they have 5 patients. Finally, my manager might be saying I am welcome to come back because of fearing pregnancy discrimination. Or she is genuine and I am being too negative and frustrated?

I am not sure what to do and how to proceed. I don't want to use pregnancy as an excuse but nausea was so real and now occasional pain is really disabling. 

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Specializes in school nurse.

I agree with you- there's nothing magic about tele that will make it easier for you with your symptoms...

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Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.

I don’t think tele will be easier as I know I had to work just as hard when I had hold tele patients versus just ER patients! There is often still a ton of lifting with tele patients too. I had some that were total care as holds. I think it’s hard to give you an answer and only you can....Whether you are on the tele floor or ICU, you will still need lifting help and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. I know I helped plenty of pregnant coworkers transport, lift, etc. Do you think you will like the ICU job after you have your baby? If so, then stay.  

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1 minute ago, speedynurse said:

I don’t think tele will be easier as I know I had to work just as hard when I had hold tele patients versus just ER patients! There is often still a ton of lifting with tele patients too. I had some that were total care as holds. I think it’s hard to give you an answer and only you can....Whether you are on the tele floor or ICU, you will still need lifting help and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. I know I helped plenty of pregnant coworkers transport, lift, etc. Do you think you will like the ICU job after you have your baby? If so, then stay.  

The idea was that tele has the help of PCTs and not all patients are complete care (these are actually the patients discharged from cvicu, so like a step down). I don't want to work on tele floor again. I used to work on tele in a different hospital and it was OK, but I decided it was time to progress, next step was ICU and perhaps CRNA. But patients who just had lung transplant with all these lines and 50 pumps just scare me. I would be OK if I wasnt pregnant but pregnancy makes it harder. 

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Specializes in retired LTC.

Just to say - you are not a loser. 

And there is NO demotion moving to tele/stepdown. That's kinda like a 'hit below the belt' to those nurses. ALL jobs are important and specialties unto themselves.

You're pregnant. It's taking a toll on you. Your health comes first.

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Specializes in Public Health, TB.

Please take of your own health. I would check with your doctor about the pains, and if there is anything you about the nausea. And you are entitled to breaks! Your are entitled to 10 minutes every 4 hours, and possibly more if you have a union. It is up to your employer to provide coverage when you are on a break. I get so stinking tired of nurses who refuse to break and then shame others when they take theirs. 

As far as orientation, reflect back on how much you have learned and give yourself credit. Ask your preceptor if she has any tips about time management. And never feel bad if you need help with lifting. Too many nurses have ruined their backs with trying to be Superman. 

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24 minutes ago, amoLucia said:

Just to say - you are not a loser. 

And there is NO demotion moving to tele/stepdown. That's kinda like a 'hit below the belt' to those nurses. ALL jobs are important and specialties unto themselves.

You're pregnant. It's taking a toll on you. Your health comes first.

I am sorry I didn't mean in that sense, more like I thought I made a progress by going from tele to ICU but now I go back. I actually liked tele, just I love the knowledge in ICU I got. 

I don't know if I should go or not...

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Specializes in Sleep medicine,Floor nursing, OR, Trauma.

I feel like there are some things to unpack here from reading your posts.

Now, granted, I have never met you and so I am going off of what I perceive from your posts, so please forgive me if I am wrong.  

First of all, there is the sentiments of your preceptor and the number of patients you are ready to handle. How far into your orientation are you?  How much time are you alotted?   Perhaps a bit more time might make you feel more secure in your tasks and management of time.  And listen, there is nothing wrong with needing more time to get situated or struggling with time management.   

Because I don't give a flying  Fig Newton on July Sunday if you have worked on the floor for years, going to the ICU or the ED or the OR or wherever is a completely different animal.  And with that comes reworking how time is managed and tasks are organized.  

I say these things because I feel that stress of orientation mixed with a fair amount of pregnancy hormones may increase your general feeling of unease and contribute to your discomfort--because bodies are weird and sometimes say "ouch" when they really mean "Oh hey I'm anxious".    

And while we are on the topic of these pains, I am hoping you have chatted with your doc.  If they are more normal--like from belly pull--I know there are these funky belt elastic thingies that are supposed to help.  But in fairness, I have never given the births so I have no idea. 

I am not sure about the whole break situation, but identifying what necessitates the break and moving it to a more "convenient" time may behoove you (And I type this while shaking my head, because heaven knows there isn't a convenient time for anything in nursing).  In other words, if it's your feet hurting--are you wearing the right shoes?  If it's your calves--are you wearing support hose?  If it's that you barf every single day at 10 like clockwork----I got nothing other than to say oh crap--I'm so sorry.  Mothers are magical creatures and I don't know how y'all manage to get out of bed without punching a dolphin in the face let alone go to work.  

"On top of that, I need extra help with lifting and pulling patients."

^^^^  I don't care if you are pregnant or not. Do not ever EVER lift or pull a patient without help.  You are not proving anything to anyone by doing this--all you're doing is wearing down your body and begging for an injury.  Not to mention the risk to the patient with numerous lines/drains/vent.  And if the expectation of this unit is you need to do these things without an extra pair of hands, then it is time to go.  

Tele is not a demotion.  I know you didn't mean the word the way you used it.  I know you meant that it feels like a demotion--like you are not progressing toward your goals or advancing  your career.  And so that brings me to my last point--

Goals and the progress towards them are not linear.  Sometimes in order to get to experience something amazing, we have to change direction--kind of like seeing the world's largest ball of twine on a road trip or....I dunno...having a baby.  Just because our career paths aren't this neat and clean A then B then C doesn't make them a waste of time or a failure or any of that.  

My career path is different then yours because mine was shaped by the influences of the situations I experienced.  And everyone on this forum can say the same.  And the beautiful thing about nursing?  It is filled with multitudinous opportunities.   

But there is only one of you.  You have to do what is best for you--body and heart--and only you know what that is. 

But I urge you--take care of you.  Take care of your kidlet. 

And the rest will sort itself in time.  I promise.

Regards,

~~A Nurse That Took The Scenic Route~~

21 minutes ago, nursej22 said:

Please take of your own health. I would check with your doctor about the pains, and if there is anything you about the nausea. And you are entitled to breaks! Your are entitled to 10 minutes every 4 hours, and possibly more if you have a union. It is up to your employer to provide coverage when you are on a break. I get so stinking tired of nurses who refuse to break and then shame others when they take theirs. 

As far as orientation, reflect back on how much you have learned and give yourself credit. Ask your preceptor if she has any tips about time management. And never feel bad if you need help with lifting. Too many nurses have ruined their backs with trying to be Superman. 

^^^ This.  All of this.  

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4 minutes ago, CheesePotato said:

I feel like there are some things to unpack here from reading your posts.

Now, granted, I have never met you and so I am going off of what I perceive from your posts, so please forgive me if I am wrong.  

First of all, there is the sentiments of your preceptor and the number of patients you are ready to handle. How far into your orientation are you?  How much time are you alotted?   Perhaps a bit more time might make you feel more secure in your tasks and management of time.  And listen, there is nothing wrong with needing more time to get situated or struggling with time management.   

Because I don't give a flying  Fig Newton on July Sunday if you have worked on the floor for years, going to the ICU or the ED or the OR or wherever is a completely different animal.  And with that comes reworking how time is managed and tasks are organized.  

I say these things because I feel that stress of orientation mixed with a fair amount of pregnancy hormones may increase your general feeling of unease and contribute to your discomfort--because bodies are weird and sometimes say "ouch" when they really mean "Oh hey I'm anxious".    

And while we are on the topic of these pains, I am hoping you have chatted with your doc.  If they are more normal--like from belly pull--I know there are these funky belt elastic thingies that are supposed to help.  But in fairness, I have never given the births so I have no idea. 

I am not sure about the whole break situation, but identifying what necessitates the break and moving it to a more "convenient" time may behoove you (And I type this while shaking my head, because heaven knows there isn't a convenient time for anything in nursing).  In other words, if it's your feet hurting--are you wearing the right shoes?  If it's your calves--are you wearing support hose?  If it's that you barf every single day at 10 like clockwork----I got nothing other than to say oh crap--I'm so sorry.  Mothers are magical creatures and I don't know how y'all manage to get out of bed without punching a dolphin in the face let alone go to work.  

"On top of that, I need extra help with lifting and pulling patients."

^^^^  I don't care if you are pregnant or not. Do not ever EVER lift or pull a patient without help.  You are not proving anything to anyone by doing this--all you're doing is wearing down your body and begging for an injury.  Not to mention the risk to the patient with numerous lines/drains/vent.  And if the expectation of this unit is you need to do these things without an extra pair of hands, then it is time to go.  

Tele is not a demotion.  I know you didn't mean the word the way you used it.  I know you meant that it feels like a demotion--like you are not progressing toward your goals or advancing  your career.  And so that brings me to my last point--

Goals and the progress towards them are not linear.  Sometimes in order to get to experience something amazing, we have to change direction--kind of like seeing the world's largest ball of twine on a road trip or....I dunno...having a baby.  Just because our career paths aren't this neat and clean A then B then C doesn't make them a waste of time or a failure or any of that.  

My career path is different then yours because mine was shaped by the influences of the situations I experienced.  And everyone on this forum can say the same.  And the beautiful thing about nursing?  It is filled with multitudinous opportunities.   

But there is only one of you.  You have to do what is best for you--body and heart--and only you know what that is. 

But I urge you--take care of you.  Take care of your kidlet. 

And the rest will sort itself in time.  I promise.

Regards,

~~A Nurse That Took The Scenic Route~~

Thank you so much, it was such a meaningful, inspiring post. I know what you mean by things always sort themselves out and I shouldn't be so upset about controlling or perhaps the inability to control everything

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Specializes in Sleep medicine,Floor nursing, OR, Trauma.
21 minutes ago, FutureNurse0201 said:

I am sorry I didn't mean in that sense, more like I thought I made a progress by going from tele to ICU but now I go back. I actually liked tele, just I love the knowledge in ICU I got. 

I don't know if I should go or not...

Knowledge is not something defined by or limited by the floor of your employ.  

Basically speaking, even should you decide to go to tele, you can always take a 12 lead class or pick up a copy of The ICU Book and read through it.  Or you could grab a CCRN book and work your way through it.  

You are more than your job and your unit assignment.  Do not limit yourself. ?

1
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1 minute ago, CheesePotato said:

Knowledge is not something defined by or limited by the floor of your employ.  

Basically speaking, even should you decide to got to tele, you can always take a 12 lead class or pick up a copy of The ICU Book and read through it.  Or you could grab a CCRN book and work your way through it.  

You are more than your job and your unit assignment.  Do not limit yourself. ?

True,  but there is nothing like an actual patients to apply these knowledge on. 

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Specializes in Sleep medicine,Floor nursing, OR, Trauma.
Just now, FutureNurse0201 said:

True,  but there is nothing like an actual patients to apply these knowledge on. 

Are there no patients on Tele?  LOL.   But yeah-I know what you mean.  It's not quite the same, I can appreciate that whole heartedly.   After all, reading about a balloon pump is very different from working with one . 

Sometimes when we have to make compromises, it's just finding a way to work in building ourselves up.  Not to mention it is so much easier to apply knowledge you have already  been exposed to--even in book form--then to just have to face it head on with no briefing.    

Either way, just some food for thought.  And as I said, only you know what feels right and good for you to do.  You'll find your way.  You got this!

~~CP~~

Oh!  You know, I just thought of this--you could work on your GRE!  GRE scores are valid for five years--in this way you are also working toward your end goal of CRNA.  

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