Ever have one of those days

Your words echo how I feel lately. Our unit has been full ..... very busy, with very sick babies. Lots of sad situations. And this time of the year just makes it even harder.

(((((HUGS))))) for you :icon_hug:

Wow. I didn't know a baby could be born with cancer.

I don't question why I love my job, I question why bad things happen to good people. I question why a disease like cancer can strike a 3 year old but I still get to see them smile when I make noises or act goofy to make them laugh.

We love our jobs because we can, and most times do, make a difference in the lives of others. What is beyond our reach will remain so, and we have to focus on other things to best care for our patients. For me, it's the ability to make them laugh. I've heard parents tell me "that's the first I've seen her smile in a long time", "I've never heard him laugh like that". Even on the day, years ago, when a baby who was abandoned by his parents died in my arms...I didn't question why I do this. I'm just thankful that in some way, for whatever time, I can make a difference in their lives too.

I don't question why I love my job, I question why bad things happen to good people. I question why a disease like cancer can strike a 3 year old but I still get to see them smile when I make noises or act goofy to make them laugh.

We love our jobs because we can, and most times do, make a difference in the lives of others. What is beyond our reach will remain so, and we have to focus on other things to best care for our patients. For me, it's the ability to make them laugh. I've heard parents tell me "that's the first I've seen her smile in a long time", "I've never heard him laugh like that". Even on the day, years ago, when a baby who was abandoned by his parents died in my arms...I didn't question why I do this. I'm just thankful that in some way, for whatever time, I can make a difference in their lives too.

Thank you so much for these words.

I just want to thank all of ya'll for posting. I am going to start in the NICU in January and have gone back and forth on whether NICU is right for me and if I would be able to cope with the possible loss of an infant. But it is very true that I will be there to help, and can help not only the patients, but the families. Thank you again for all of your honesty

:icon_hug:

I read this topic when you posted it on the 18th. I said to myself, "Yeah, I can relate" but couldn't really commiserate with a specific instance. Perhaps "selective memories" prevailed...

Then yesterday, driving home in tears, I thought of this topic again...

It was the last 4 hours of my last of three 12+ hour shifts... the day before, I had admitted a patient who's mother had suffered a brain aneurism, was found unconcious, transported to our hospital and underwent an emergency C-Section while being coded. My patient began seizing and exhibiting myoclonus minutes after arriving in our unit. Suffice to say that both mom and baby are intubated in ICUs without gag/corneal reflexes, fixed/dilated pupils and flaccid muscle tone.

I don't cry over patients very frequently, but this is one of the most touching cases I've ever been involved in.

So, one of the nurses needed to leave early yesterday. I was already caring for my recent admit (and inevitable psychosocial issues with the family) and another 27 weeker. The charge nurse assigned one of the departing nurses patients to me for the last 4 hours of my shift. A recently extubated 25 weeker that "didn't need anything other than vital signs charted".

Well, the parents for that patient arrived... poking and prodding that little guy until his FiO2 requirements were up to 40% (from 23%). I spent a few minutes with them a few times explaining that their baby needed to rest and not be disturbed... but they continued to shriek for my assistance when he desated after their persistent harrassment. Those parents really needed (wanted) attention from the nursing staff. I just couldn't be there for them as I was just too busy with my other patients.

The father jumped up and stormed over to the charge nurse, demanding that I be removed from caring for their baby. Fortunately, the charge nurse denied his request and assured them that their son was being cared for by a very competent nurse.

I was upset by this because in my 20 year involvement in patient care, I've never had a family member request that I be removed. My anger has since turned dismay. I know that, as a nurse, I'm supposed to be there for the families too. But, I was so emotionally drained by my other patient (and situation) that I just didn't have anything left for those very needy parents. I felt like I failed them.

Cherry on the whipped cream... as I'm finally clocked out and on my way to the parking garage... I cross paths with the (husband)father of my admit patient and her 6 year old brother... dad asks me what I "really" think his daughters chances are...

I pour my heart and soul into caring for a patient and their family with a DEVASTATING outcome... (Merry frickin' Christmas)... and am simultaneously viewed by another family as the worst thing that's every happened in their sons life...

ugh.

300G...

I'm sorry for your bad day.

Don't let parents who can't even do what's best for their baby make you feel like a bad nurse.