end of my rope...trying to tie a knot and hang on!

[sweetieann]

Just taking some time to vent...I sure feel like I need it.

Been a nurse for almost 2 years. For awhile, I got through that first year mark, and everything was going good. But lately, I feel things have caught up to me. I can't sleep at night, I constantly think/worry about work outside of work, so I can't even enjoy things I used to because I feel so preoccupied. I feel like there is never time to get everything done, limited resources, and so when I leave work I fret about what I might have forgotten, etc. I work day/night and a typical week schedule for me is Monday work day (7am-3:30 pm), Tuesday work day, Wednesday work night (11:15pm-7am), thursday "off" (but I sleep all that day once I get home from my Wednesday night shift), then Friday back to daylight. I'm so mixed up with my sleep patterns, I can never get used to anything. I feel sleepy all the times I shouldn't and awake all the times I should be getting some rest. I think because I feel so "sloth" like all the time, that's one reason I don't feel like doing things on my days off. I'm in my early 20's and my friends are enjoying their lives and I feel like someone ready for retirement. The thing is, I'm not on a particularly stressful floor (well, let me restate: it's stressful, but no more than any other nursing job. I don't think I'd find anything better). I like my job most of the time, the patient population that is, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm 100% serious when I say that I am kicking around quitting and going to work full-time at a bookstore or something like that, get far far away from nursing. the only thing keeping me here a this point is I make more money than I would at a bookstore or some job like that (esp. with the economy now) and also, I feel I'd let down my family and everyone else if I throw away a 4 year degree to do something I don't need a degree for. It all feels like a waste. I worked hard for this degree, but it hardly seems worth it to feel like this all the time. I feel like life is too short, and besides, this filp flopping and stress probably isn't helping my stress. Half the time i feel like there is an elephant on my chest from stress. Here I am at almost 1am, I have to get up in less than 5 hours, and I can't sleep. This is no quality of life. It's no life at all. This isn't natural to fight your body and work all these crazy shifts. It's not right to be in a profession where it's expected that you won't take a break. No one would believe me if I told them this, I pull it together, but the fight is really starting to be uphill. I'm not depressed, I feel like I am just finally seeing the reality of everything and it's caught up to me physically now too.:uhoh21:

Thanks for reading this, to whomever might.

[lcdrn]

Dear Sweetie 715,

I'm in Psych now too and I am loving it. I would suggest that you try to get a County job. The schedules are better, the benefits are great and your schedule would be set. You could plan your life by it and de-stress. It sound like you have too much on your plate and your sleep schedule is just messed up. Could you look for a Government job in Psych? Check it out. Maybe you'll find something easier that works for you.

[zuzi]

Sweety good advice... try another job...to be afraid to change your job is fist sign that you are not in control of your life. Is like codependecy, you need to pass by it some how. Change your job, change your mind, change your friends... live, enjoy, see beuatifull thinks will work! Hugs

[penny77]

Hey there,

i can't help but reply to your post.. i come here often to read threads and find support and I can relate to most of what you're feeling...

First, I don't have as much experience as you (only 6 months).. I feel that the petrified new nurse feelings are slowly wearing off, and i'm slowly starting to be able to distinguish the "stress that comes from being new" and the stress that just comes from Nursing... And, i've come to a premature conclusing, that nursing is one hectic and demanding job regardless of being new! I too have looked at other professions with envy.. one of my pts was a librarian and i asked her if her job was stressful and she said "heck, no!".. i then proceeded to inquire how i could become a librarian...

There are some aspects of nursing that I truly enjoy and get so much satisfaction.. but the other parts; those moments when ur heart pounds, and your mind is racing and you feel pulled in a million directions.. Those are what really makes me wonder if it's worth it. like you said, life is short..

I'm trying to make it to the one year mark, but I'm telling myself that if I feel too stressed out, i'm gonna do what's best for me and my health and leave.. You might get a lot of responses saying that it's most likely because of your day/night pattern that's making you feel miserable..which may be the answer! it could also be the floor you're on, or maybe just hospital nursing in general. You've also given it two good years, which sounds incredible, when i think of what i've gone through in my measly half year and how much is has taken to keep me from quitting.. If you still don't feel it's the right profession, the maybe it isn't.. u sound like a caring and conscientious kind of nurse who is probably good at her job! but again, your health comes first.

I hope it all works out for you:heartbeat

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

I agree with you that I think the rotating day/night schedule has a lot to do with what you are experiencing. If there is a way that you could change that, I think it would be a huge step in the right direction.

Some other things I would suggest are working out regularly, adopting healthy eating habits, and engaging in a hobby or interest outside of work. I know I feel better when I'm working out; it gives me more energy, I feel stronger, and exercise has antidepressant effects. I notice a difference when I'm eating healthier too, and of course, taking my multivitamin and calcium supplement. Last but not least, finding ways to enjoy my time off from work makes a huge difference in my general sense of well being. I work so hard for the money I earn, to be able to spend a little of it on myself doing things that I enjoy, and pampering myself a little, really goes a long way.

In a nutshell, you can't take care of others if you do not take care of yourself.

If you were to make these changes in your lifestyle, and find that you are still not happy with your nursing career, then that would be a good clue to start expanding your horizons. But at this point, just based on what you've posted, you sound run down and exhausted, and I think the self care angle is where I would start.

[Over-the-hill-Nurse]

Nursing is a tough job. It has alot of ups and downs and days/nights that are so busy you don't have time to even think. Since you are questioning if this is the right field for you, sit down and write down all the good things about the job, then make another list on all the bad things about the job, what your life goal is, how to achieve that goal and what you need to do about it. Now that you have your lists, compare them. Is the Good things longer than the Bad things? If so, maybe you just need to restructure your day to something that works for you, maybe you need to think about another area of nursing.

When I first started in Nursing, which was many years ago, I also went through all of the doubt, the questioning, no sleep, etc... The conclusion that I came to is that I am one person out of many at where I work, ALL I can do is the best of my ability and then pass on to the next nurse what I couldn't get done.

And set your mind frame to one of "I start to work when I clock in. I stop work when I clock out. And then leave it there. It will make your life simpler to think in this way. And as far as the hours that you work, is it because they are short staffed that you work a night shift in the middle of the week? Or a contract you sighned that states you have to do this? If you did not, then go talk to the head of your department and discuss with her about taking you off the night shift because it is affecting your sleep, eating, tiredness, and ability to function well.

It just may be that you are not a night person. and if the DON doesn't want to help you change it, then start looking to other areas in the hospital/ facility where you work for other openings that don't require you to work the nights.

Good luck to you and I hope things get better, hang in there with it though. Things will fall into place and lead you in the right direction, but you need to make it happen for you.

[Chaya, ASN, RN]

Sounds like you should try to get less crazy hours before giving up on nursing altogether. Couldn't you at least cluster the night shifts you do so you do a few in a row and have some consistency? Some places the have you do day-night rotation will have you do days for a few weeks, then go to nights for a few weeks. Your hours alone would make anyone crazy even without all the craziness of being a nurse!

[oramar]

Day night shift rotation can make you feel very crazy. I have been there, I thought maybe I was insane, or a bad nurse or bad person or both. Management is oblivious to the way it's shift rotation destroys the mind and eventually the health of it's employees. They will run smoking cessation and weight control classes for the general public's benefit but they turn a blind eye to all the research about shift work and what it does to people. However, not every place does this and you need to go somewhere that follows some sort of guidelines about minimizing the effect of shift work. I think there is an agreement that bouncing back and forth and back and forth like that is bad for you.

[medsurgrnco, BSN, RN]

You need to have a consistent schedule of either days or nights - or clump the same shifts together.

Sounds like your body has gotten so confused that it's time to see a doc for some sleepng medication. While you may not want to take meds for insomnia, you probably need them for a short period to get some decent rest. My doc recommended Trazodone when my workplace gave me a horrific schedule so that I became unable to sleep more than a few hours at a time, as that is what she used when in med school.

Once you're working a decent schedule and are well rested, you'll be in a better position to evaluate nursing as a career.

[Flightline, BSN, RN]

Call in. Go to bed, and then go in and give them a polite ultimatum that it's either days or nights, but not both. You can't work that way, Sweetie 715. You can't do it. No one can. It will destroy your health or you will get in a car accident, or you will make some major nursing error. Be prepared to change jobs and stay in nursing if you can, but be prepared to work somewhere else.

I can't believe a hospital or psych ward would actually schedule human beings that way--unless that is, you're volunteering for it.

You're not volunteering for those kind of shifts are you?

[medsurgrnco, BSN, RN]

You also could see a doctor and have the doc write a note stating that for health reasons you cannot work rotating shifts such as the ones you've been scheduled.

[whipping girl in 07, RN]

I was an absolute basket case when I was working days and nights at the same time. I never slept well. I'd be up till 4 AM the night before I went back to days, and falling asleep at 2 AM at work on my first night back! Can you not at least try straight nights before giving up on nursing? When I was in my 20s I had no trouble sleeping during the day when I worked nights. But when I hit my 30s (and had 2 more kids...) I got to where I couldn't sleep during the day. I felt like a zombie all the time.