Vent: Why I won't accompany my mother to the ER anymore

  1. Slight vent, and ARGH.

    My mom was in the ER the other day (for a rule out PE) and before I could hold her mouth shut the words were out at the very friendly ER nurse: "sonny I'm a very tough stick since my veins are rolling and disappearing, so you might wanna get the anesthesiologist if you don't know what you are doing". So I tried telling her to let the nurses do their job.

    I was just sitting there with a look of horror on my face trying to disappear in between the air molecules, thinking about how I would feel if that was said to me. My mother then proceeded to say "my son is not convinced I have a PE and he is a nurse he knows these things since he works in an (and adds with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital". By that time I just wanted to disappear between the subatomic structures...

    The RN did a 12 lead and my mother was saying it had better be done right or I would see they made a mistake. I just looked at her hoping it was either a dream or I would suffer a major PE instead of having to deal with this. The RN then printed an extra copy and put it in front of me with the words: "I hope it is to your liking and it can stand up to the quality in an (with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital..."

    After the nurse left I tried scolding my mom but she was so proud that she got to brag about one of her kids (how can you stay mad). So I went to a bakery and got pastry and other nice things for the ER staff in an attempt to undo my mother's evil and apologized for her need to make these "subtle" remarks.

    Next time she can go by herself... Or I might send my sister and she can deal with mom ^^.
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    About BelgianRN

    Joined: Dec '11; Posts: 191; Likes: 319
    ICU nurse; from BE
    Specialty: 6 year(s) of experience in GICU, PICU, CSICU, SICU


  3. by   Nascar nurse
    She's not the first....she won't be the last. It will be OK. My Dad tends to be the same way.
  4. by   CT Pixie
    For what it's worth..I feel for you..I really do. I have your mother's clone as my own mom..ughh!

    My mom did something very similiar while I was sitting in the ER exam room with her. And try as I may, like you, I could not disappear between the subatomic particles..hahaha.

    To add insult to injury, she did it in an ER that I was trying to get a position in, to friends of mine who I had worked (they were prior supervisors) with and one I had gone to school with (LPN school. this ER has an RN and an LPN assigned to the pods)..all the while I was sitting there with my scrubs on with my name badge that read CT Pixie, LPN and the name of my LTC employer! Thanks Mom
  5. by   canoehead
    Your Mom would have me giggling and smirking at you behind her back. I hope you wouldn't be offended. When my Mom was in the ICU she told every nurse there where I worked, and I knew to send muffins daily. We have to take care of each other, right?
  6. by   llg
    Perhaps, when those types of things happen you should just apologize for her behavior and be done with it -- right there in front of her, if necessary. That way, the staff will know that "it's not you" and your mother may be embarassed enough by your apology to reign herself in a little in the future.

    Good luck.
  7. by   caliotter3
    If you think that is bad, have your father accompany you into an office and proceed to make his demands using the most foul language possible, as if that was going to get him what he wanted. Yes, it got attention from the office personnel, but I don't think it was quite as effective as what my father was expecting. They stood there staring at him. I was surprised that the person he was directing this tirade to did not reach for the phone to call security. I was just as stunned as the people in the office. Wanted to crawl under the floor and die.
  8. by   Genu9ine
    my mother is the exact same way. i know the feeling.
  9. by   nerdtonurse?
    I think we're all related. When she was in the ER, I thought if my Mom said, "...and Nerd works in ICU" one more time, I was going to just go to the car and drive home. Finally, I said, "Mom, you know I have to work here, and you are NOT making my next shift any easier."
  10. by   caliotter3
    Quote from nerdtonurse?
    I think we're all related. When she was in the ER, I thought if my Mom said, "...and Nerd works in ICU" one more time, I was going to just go to the car and drive home. Finally, I said, "Mom, you know I have to work here, and you are NOT making my next shift any easier."
    I would have gone out of my way to say that loud enough for the ER personnel to hear.
  11. by   cclear2020
    Sometimes an ED trip to a hospital you don't work out may help lessen the public embarrassment, but if you have to go, remind your family member in a nice way not to "poop where you eat". I like the other advise about calling your mom out as she states these comments to distance yourself from them. Family is wonderful, right?
  12. by   Esme12
    Oh Belgian.........I just spit my coffee all over my computer.

    I feeeeeeeel your pain. My mother takes every opportunity to tell everyone who will listen the all three of her daughters are RN's and what our specialties are and what degrees we have. It's a parental affliction. My mother is the "My temperature is normally 97.2...I know that because I had to "Doctor" to get pregnant so a temp of 99 is really high for me".

    Although I have run into the occasional bedside incompetent when "they" perforated her esophagus during a TEE but that is another story for another day.....medical personnel are pretty competent and skilled.

    My sisters and I take daily turns for feeding the staff (all three shifts) with bagels and treats to make up for all our questions and listening to, I mean helping, my mother. My Dad on the other hand could be holding pressure on his jugular and tell you he's ok.(Miss you dad)

    We don't scold Mom anymore.....we bribe.
  13. by   canoehead
    Oh yes, and when Mom was in CVICU and intubated on 6 drips, my sister actually argued with the RN about whether her grandchildren come and visit, the next day, on a different unit. Holy raging hormones, Batman, I nearly called security on her myself. It's been 6 years, I'm still ashamed of the scene she made. Thank God for that nurse, she was as pleasant as she could be. "We" agreed to wait until tomorrow and talk about it, but my sister made a point of bringing the kids in the next day. Mom doesn't remember a thing about the first few days, or who visited when. Families are insane.

    When you see that insane family member, look out of the corner of your eye and you might see someone else trying to sink under the floor tiles.
  14. by   Ruby Vee
    dad was confused, disoriented and scared to death -- and sent three staff members to the er over the course of one shift. at least he had an excuse.

    my mother kept wandering into the staff break room and helping herself to coffee and whatever treats were in evidence. she had early alzheimer's and had an excuse.

    my sister, who was a nurse about a quarter of a century ago but hasn't touched an actual patient since she got her phd in nursing over 20 years ago, insisted that she knew more than anyone else about what should be done and attempted to run the entire show. i saw grown men -- attending physicians and surgeons -- quail at the sight of her and attempt to slink out of the icu without her noticing them. nurses fought over who had to take care of dad -- and not because he was demented. rose expected everyone to dance to her tune, and when she didn't get exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it and the exact way she wanted it, she threw fits and threatened jobs. she she does have a phd in nursing and had met the hospital administration types at one conference or another over the years, she was in a position to throw her roledex at the staff -- and did so. the respiratory therapist needed another flowmeter to set up the o2, and rose was on the phone to the head of the anesthesiology department, complaining about his incompetence and demanding that he be disciplined. (i told her she should have been complaining that management hadn't seen fit to provide an adequate number of flowmeters instead. she didn't appreciate my input.)

    i'll accompany mom to the er any time. or dad, rest his soul. but i don't want my sister anywhere near my hospital or my hospitalization!