Funniest injury you have ever seen.....

Specialties Emergency

Published

I took care of a guy once who had an injury to the third toe and complete amputation of the fourth toe. When asked how this injury occurred......"I was using my twelve gauge shot gun to kill moles in my yard." :chuckle

All I kept thinking was "you might be a redneck if........." :rotfl:

I told him that I hoped his family was going to get plenty of miles out of his injury and his son said "oh yeah. The last thing I told him was not to shoot his foot with the gun." The guy had been balancing the barrel of the gun on his shoe while he waited for signs of the moles moving underground.

Pam

Gee, and i thought coat hangers were for opening car doors!!

I always thought you hung your coat on them.... wow, I never knew I was that naive.

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Specializes in ED staff.

Took care of one young woman who was going to have sex, didn't want to get pregnant so used a contraceptive suppository... only she put it in the wrong hole! She inserted it into the urinary meatus. I had to cath her for a urine and there was wax floating on the top of the urine when it cooled! Very painful indeed.

Had a man come in as a transfer from an outlying hospital to see one of our urologists. His GF caught him messing with another woman, grabbed his member and almost pulled the thing off. When he got to us he had it wrapped in a two inch ace bandage, looked so funny... dunno if he regained full use of it or not. The GF was arrested for assault. (yes ETOH was involved, both parties)

I live in Alabama, we have a lot of tornadoes here. Had a really huge one a few years ago, was an F5, did lots of damage and some people were killed. Got a man in with a broom handle through both of his calves. Not a funny injury by any means but unusual. His wife was one of the victims that died. :(

I work in triage now and had a man come in , I asked what was wrong and he told me he had the craps, then says, ma'am I lied to you just now. I really don't have the craps, I have something up my butt that shouldn't be there. I asked what it was, he says I'll show ya. Pulls out a little zip up bag and out of it gets an 8 in tall, 6 in around egg shaped paper weight. As I am taking his surgical history he tells me he has a colostomy... I knew why he had to have a colostomy but I just wanted to hear him say it. So I said, did you have colon cancer, he said no, I put too many things up in there and I couldn't make my asshole stay shut no more. EEEEEEEEK!

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Took care of one young woman who was going to have sex, didn't want to get pregnant so used a contraceptive suppository... only she put it in the wrong hole! She inserted it into the urinary meatus. I had to cath her for a urine and there was wax floating on the top of the urine when it cooled! Very painful indeed.

Had a man come in as a transfer from an outlying hospital to see one of our urologists. His GF caught him messing with another woman, grabbed his member and almost pulled the thing off. When he got to us he had it wrapped in a two inch ace bandage, looked so funny... dunno if he regained full use of it or not. The GF was arrested for assault. (yes ETOH was involved, both parties)

I live in Alabama, we have a lot of tornadoes here. Had a really huge one a few years ago, was an F5, did lots of damage and some people were killed. Got a man in with a broom handle through both of his calves. Not a funny injury by any means but unusual. His wife was one of the victims that died. :(

I work in triage now and had a man come in , I asked what was wrong and he told me he had the craps, then says, ma'am I lied to you just now. I really don't have the craps, I have something up my butt that shouldn't be there. I asked what it was, he says I'll show ya. Pulls out a little zip up bag and out of it gets an 8 in tall, 6 in around egg shaped paper weight. As I am taking his surgical history he tells me he has a colostomy... I knew why he had to have a colostomy but I just wanted to hear him say it. So I said, did you have colon cancer, he said no, I put too many things up in there and I couldn't make my asshole stay shut no more. EEEEEEEEK!

You Know before I became a nurse I had no idea how sheltered my life had really been!!!!!!
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I was in triage. A old man wearing overalls had paint all over his body. (thats not why he came) He said he had an accident at work. He was sawing some wood and accidentally cut his finger off. He's telling me this with a dumb grin on his face..he wasnt the least bit upset.!! He had wrapped a rag around the site and sure enough, there was no finger there - just a lot of bleeding. He was very apologetic for getting blood on my floor. (super sweet guy). The funny thing is he was using a HANDSAW!! Then he tells me this is the second time he's lost a finger with his handsaw. He asked if we could sew it back on? I asked if he brought it. He starts digging through all of the pockets on his overalls with his one good hand ( as if you'd forget where you put your lost body parts!!)He pulled his whole index (ex-index) finger out of the pocket and handed it to me - the guys still grinning. It amazes me how long some people make it in life. :rotfl: I suggested he find another line of work.

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from experience.................

You only ever chuck petrol on the fire once! :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :imbar

So sorry!!!

:o

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Sexual experiences in the ICU.

I had a young lady with a cervical injury who was also hypersexual. Well, she rang her call light when her nurse was busy so I went into her room. I asked her what she needed, to my surprise she replied " I want you to F*$# me". With a straight face I replied, "Thats not appropriate". Being quick witted as she was she replied, "Your right, will you make love to me". I had no reply after that, just a good laugh.

ZAHMAN

Probably the following answer will help "I am sorry Ms, that is outside the bounds of my professional responsibility. The service you requested was not part of the nursing school's training."

-Dan

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Probably the following answer will help "I am sorry Ms, that is outside the bounds of my professional responsibility. The service you requested was not part of the nursing school's training."

-Dan

I like a line Anthony Hopkins' character used in the movie "The Remains of the Day"-

"I'm sorry, I cannot be of assistance in this matter."

Then, EXIT!

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Specializes in Me Surge.

A guy came into urgent care clininc with a stingray injury.

After he is treated and the pain is controlled, I naturally ask about the circumstances of the injury. He said 'well we caught a stingray, and my girlfirned took a picture of me holding it.' I say 'and did it sting you?' ' nope' he said ' It was after I handed it to my girlfriend so I could take a picture of her holding it, when she handed it back to me for another picture...... that's when it stung me.'

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why on God's green earth do people put foreign objects up their rectum? What pleasure can they get from this!?

Took care of one young woman who was going to have sex, didn't want to get pregnant so used a contraceptive suppository... only she put it in the wrong hole! She inserted it into the urinary meatus. I had to cath her for a urine and there was wax floating on the top of the urine when it cooled! Very painful indeed.

Had a man come in as a transfer from an outlying hospital to see one of our urologists. His GF caught him messing with another woman, grabbed his member and almost pulled the thing off. When he got to us he had it wrapped in a two inch ace bandage, looked so funny... dunno if he regained full use of it or not. The GF was arrested for assault. (yes ETOH was involved, both parties)

I live in Alabama, we have a lot of tornadoes here. Had a really huge one a few years ago, was an F5, did lots of damage and some people were killed. Got a man in with a broom handle through both of his calves. Not a funny injury by any means but unusual. His wife was one of the victims that died. :(

I work in triage now and had a man come in , I asked what was wrong and he told me he had the craps, then says, ma'am I lied to you just now. I really don't have the craps, I have something up my butt that shouldn't be there. I asked what it was, he says I'll show ya. Pulls out a little zip up bag and out of it gets an 8 in tall, 6 in around egg shaped paper weight. As I am taking his surgical history he tells me he has a colostomy... I knew why he had to have a colostomy but I just wanted to hear him say it. So I said, did you have colon cancer, he said no, I put too many things up in there and I couldn't make my asshole stay shut no more. EEEEEEEEK!

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why on God's green earth do people put foreign objects up their rectum? What pleasure can they get from this!?

I'll never forget the 60ish year old man with the light bulb stuck up the rectum :idea: - intact- got him in the wee hours of the morning, drunk, nasty, embarrassed, of course. Had to wait until morning for OR. I think we just had him lay on his side. I couldn't wait to look up his OR report later-- they had to break it up into pieces, I don't remember the rest.

I have heard but never witnessed the various stories of stuck vegetables and rectums. WTF?!

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this one made the darwin awards. a couple of men were driving in their truck at night on a poorly lit country road, when the lights quit working. it was a blown fuse. one of them got the idea of replacing the fuse with the cartridge from a rifle bullet. the bullet fitted the fuse socket just fine, and they continued their merry way home....

until the bullet exploded, and hit the driver in the scrotum!

needless to say, he lost control of the truck, and they wound up in the ditch!

when the wife of the driver found out about her husband's injury, her first question was: "is the truck all right?" :rolleyes:

don't like to stereotype, but d'ya think this just might have happened in the south, where every red-blooded male drives around with a rifle or shotgun behind the driver's seat in his truck? :D and trucks are just as much of a religion as guns?

a little note, some of us live in the south and know that this little story has been on many different urban legend shows and proven not only wrong, but very unlikely.:imbar :p not that it isn't a funny story, but it is just that a story. by the way, are you blonde? :rotfl:

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the bullet story was on Myth Busters recently....good try....next

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