Dreading L&D/Peds

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Just some history...

I'm almost 30, I already have one child from a relationship that was unhealthy (my son was unplanned as well but he was the best blessing). I've since gone through many good years with my current husband who stepped up and fathered my son even though he was not biologically his.

Two years ago we found out I have PCOS, I don't even ovulate on my own, and when I do it's usually a poor quality egg. Last year we underwent thousands of dollars in fertility treatments. Clomid, trigger shots, IUI, micro IVF. We got pregnant once, which we found out a few weeks in that our pregnancy was ectopic and we had to unfortunately discontinue the pregnancy (which happened right after Thanksgiving of last year).

That being said we haven't tried since that point. I recently had bloodwork done to see about possibly starting fertility treatments back up again, the results were less then stellar. My doctor said if we want to have a baby we need to do it NOW. We're saving up for our next IVF cycle - $12k (since insurance doesn't cover it in our state).

I am about to go through my OB/Peds rotation next semester. This is the rotation I have been dreading - DREADING. The hospital we have clinicals at is very diverse - there is a large low income population where it is not uncommon for women to have 12-16 babies, most of them come to see the new birth of their baby brother or sister, these kids are wearing clothes that are inappropriate sizes, they are dirty from poor hygiene, they are sometimes malnourished because there isn't enough food for them to go around. And I know I shouldn't feel angry at this - because this is the way they live their lives and they are doing the best they can, but at the same time I feel so hurt by this. My husband and I both work, we both do everything we can for our son now, he frequently asks us for a baby brother to play with (he learned that his friends at school have brothers and sisters). Yet nothing we do works. We are trying, we are sincerely trying.

My biggest worry is this upcoming semester is going to put me into a depression - something I don't need prior to an IVF cycle. I'm already stressing about it. I'm already feeling sad knowing I'm going to have to see women who can't afford their child or women who don't even want their child giving birth to something my husband and I have been trying years for.

Is there any way to avoid this depression? Is there any way to look past this? I'll be there 12 hours once/twice a week depending on the week. I need a positive way to look at this. And please don't spout off to me about adoption - I respect people that do adoption, I really really do, but I want a baby with my husband.

Can anyone list some positives to get me through this?

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I know that I would feel exactly as you do if I were in your shoes. No doubt. (((Hugs))) I would try to focus on the babies, not the moms. I know taking care of the moms is part of it, but I would rationalize it being for the benefit of the baby. And try to just focus on it being just a small portion of time, and power through it with as much disconnect as possible. IMO, there is nothing wrong with keeping your emotional distance. Keep it clinical.

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Thank you for not being judgmental about it. You're right.. just have to power through it and disconnect as much as possible. It's going to be hard to mentally set myself up for that on clinical days - but I can't avoid this rotation any longer.

Thank you again for the advice. I really do appreciate it.

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That sounds really tough, sorry you've gone through so much

What if you change your whole mindset? You've already decided you're going to hate it and you're already judging the mothers and babies you may/may not work with.

Part of being successful is thinking patterns. Find a way to change your thinking patterns and instead of psyching yourself OUT,psych yourself UP... however you canmake that happen

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

I think, and I mean this sincerely, we have to learn to leave our crap at the door.

We all hare baggage and experiences that can predispose us to judge others, because we've all suffered. You have to be aware of that bias - and you are, so good start! - want to change/avoid it, and then act. You're two thirds there. :)

I think being on the unit may be less awful than you think. Meeting and caring for these women might stir empathy in you, not resentment IF you actively try to find a connection. For those 12 hours, it isn't about you. It's about them. Or maybe it'll be just as bad as you think it will be. I don't know.

I do know that in the end, how you respond is going to reflect where you are on your journey. You're obviously still angry and in pain, and you have every right to be, but don't let yourself get stuck. Progress, move forward, accept, heal.

For what it's worth, I almost lost my son right before starting nursing school. Every clinical on the floors where he was, every topic that related to what we dealt with was brutal at first. No lie, I cried during my CPR class video because it featured an ambulance and EMTs. I'm pretty sure I cried during my clinical orientation tour through the same ER he was brought to. But it got better. Now I run around there like no one's business, and only think about it once a day or so. :). There's nothing much to do other than talk yourself UP, not down, and rip it off like a bandaid.

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I don't really have any great advice, I just wanted to say I do understand your pain and suffering. I had an ectopic pregnancy, extremely traumatic *hugs* especially after all you've been through. I have participated in a couple forum's for those TTC, there are boards specifically for those with the same or similar situations to yours, if you haven't used one I think you should give it a chance. I really like the one attached to the iPeriod app. Most of the time I just read and it helped greatly. Especially when during my previous job I was constantly around pregnant women or families with babies. It was really hard at first but it was something I HAD to work (sometimes just completely block them out or pretend there were no babies) through to keep my sanity. Find out if your school/program has a counseling service or try to see someone through your insurance, at least a couple times. You need a plan for how to deal when you are in the moment and when you are home afterward, the better prepared you are to deal the more likely you are to maintain your focus and succeed, which after all is the goal of being in nursing school. I know it is so painful but you get to choose what to do with the pain. Don't let this control you, crush your spirit, or interfere with becoming the nurse you want to be. Seek professional advice.

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Yea this sucks. I think you'll be so busy at clinical though that you won't have much time to think about this--at least that's what I am hoping for you!! Focus on the medical side of things rather than the family story. And good luck!!!!!

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You ask us to not be judgmental but YOU are being judgmental about women you have yet to meet.,

You really need to think about that.

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You ask us to not be judgmental but YOU are being judgmental about women you have yet to meet.,

You really need to think about that.

Do you have fertility issues? It is incredibly difficult to not be jealous and feel negative towards those who get pregnant easily and repeatedly bring children into a bad life situation, immediately after feeling this the women then feels guilty for harboring those negative thoughts. Don't think that OP is not aware of what you have pointed out. Infertility is socially and psychologically isolating. Judgement divides, compassion breaks down barriers. It takes a lot of guts to broach this subject in a forum that is not full of women who get it.

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Consider when you are going through the rotation that you are learning how best to help those who need it most. As you said, not every baby is born into a family bursting to care for it to their very best ability. Learn those assessment skills, get ready to teach those parents some things, and just have the best attitude you can have. Clinical isn't a bad thing at all. Our first day of OB, we experienced a 16 wk delivery --obviously traumatic. For those of us who had experienced miscarriage or other fetal demise, it was more traumatic, but again, learning experience. You look at the whole process differently when you are there in a professional capacity. I had so dreaded that OB rotation, myself, but I'd say it was surprisingly wonderful for me. Not that I'd do it for work (maybe!) but it was way better than I anticipated. You sound to me like you're honest with yourself, so just try to remind yourself to look for the opportunities to learn, to teach, and to care as best you can. And maybe it will suck. but you'll manage.

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ever thought about a surrogate? And I know you said you werent interested in adoption. Who wouldnt want a bio child with their husband? But so many children are in foster care just. waiting to be wanted as bad as you want a baby.. I think you should reconsider. Also ever considered donor eggs with your husband's sperm that way at least your husband will have a bio child. Some of the best mothers are parents to children who they didnt give birth too and as you have witnessed yourself.. any person with a working uterus can have a baby but it takes alot more than.biology to be a mother. God bless you.

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My knee jerk reaction was to call you selfish. Then I stepped outside of myself and realized I could not even begin to comprehend your emotional pain. I really cannot think of a way for you to be at peace with your clinical rotation. I hope you find the strength to make it through. There is nothing worse than knowing you are capable and willing to do something well, in this case be a mother of more than one child and being denied that. When I get in a funk, I always say it could be worse. There may be someone on your team who wants one kid and cannot have just one.

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