Yesterday, I was in the break room with coverage of the hurricane clean-up on when a colleague of mine came in and began to discuss it. She proceeds to talk primarily about how Harry Connick Jr looked so good without his shirt on and that he could, "rescue her ANYTIME." She went on and on about it to me.
Now, if the tables had been turned and I had been commenting like she did about a female, that would be sexual harassment. This is by far not the first time this has happened. When I worked in the ER, women would go on about the firefighters and what they wanted to do to them (in graphic detail).
Has anyone else noticed this, or do I just have bad luck with coworkers?
This doesn't offend me (except that I think it's highly unprofessional for grown people - men or women - to act like this...) but I think that their should be a standard. I would never act like that, but if I did, it'd be sexual harassment and I'd be disciplined/sued.
I've posted about this before, but it involved him being the only male in a group of female breastfeeding nurses, who used the common break area to openly breastfeed their infants, change nursing pads, pump, etc. When he voiced his discomfort at this, HE was made the lascivious bad guy...and the girls complained to management, who fired him. When I said something to one of the girls about this (I knew the crew he was working with) they were outraged at him, and got mad at ME when I supported him.
So IMO women DO need to check that they aren't operating under a double standard.
Uncomfortable? LOL, is he gay?
I probably would have popped a stiffy and rushed out trying to hide it...or if they were cool enough (ie they wouldn't run straight to the manager) I would made some kind of tit joke.
Either way, that's a really bad spot to put a guy in. There are so many things that could go wrong with having a guy in a room full of breastfeeding women.
maybe it's just me, but as a guy, if the women I work with are being graphic with their sex lives, I just find a quiet corner of the nurses station so I can listen without them remembering that I'm there.
LOLOLOL.
It might be a double standard, but I think, as far as double standards go, in general, guys have it better.
~faith,
Timothy.
lol, this too. I like hearing about juicy details from women. Not for any kind of blackmail or spreading/reputation harming purposes, but simply because I find the subject so damn interesting.
Specializes in med/surg; LTC.....LPN, RN, DON; TCU.
I have been in the position where I was the one written up for sexual harrassment when 2 female nurses were bragging about having affairs on their boyfriends and what they would do if they caught those same guys messing around. I said that was a double standard and if they could do it so could their boyfriends. Of course they complained that I stated affairs were "ok" and that was "offensive" to them. Now I leave when certain topics are being discussed. Best thing to do!!
I wish people would just be less uptight both men and women...especially in the high stress environment we all work in.
It just stinks that we even have to discuss this. While I realize "real" sexual harassment has and does happened and should be taken care of, I just don't think it is right to work and not be able to say what's on your mind in fear you might just affend someone in the room.
I am a Man, a fairly young man 29, who takes care of himself physically...I am VERY carefull not to "flirt" etc, but often I here comments from both Pt's and coworkers about my looks. Now would I file a complaint for sexual harassment, heck no! If it escalated to where it bothered me I would sure say something to that person but frankly I'm too dang busy doing my job thank you.
Less uptight? Why don't people be more respectful of others? Believe it or not there are many people in the workplace who are probably conservative and just don't want to hear other co-workers talk about their sex lives or make comments of a sexual nature. And in the workplace that kind of talk simply isn't necessary. It's not as if you're in a bar or on the subway...you're at work. There are certain subjects civil people know not to discuss in mixed company like religion and politics and sex. We all know not to use ethnic slurs or to say certain things in front of our supervisors. I don't know why it's so hard to regulate our conservation so as not to offend our coworkers.
I admit I'm a prude and I absolutely hate when co-workers have lecherous conversations about their sex lives and/or fantasies. I think it shows a distinct lack of civility and home training although that's probably all part of our culture in 2009. I've gotten used to it though, generally ignore such talk, and usually only say anything if someone directs a comment like that at me personally. I remember once a bunch of co-workers was having a very sexual discussion so I moved to another workstation. And one of them got annoyed with me just for moving away.
People please remember that we work in a very stressful environment and a little dark humor and or flirting often relives the stress of a bad situation! Yes there is real sexual harrasment out there perpertraited by both genders however there is a double standard. Most often if a female says something its a joke. If a male says something he is a sexual preditor. NOW i think we all NEED TO RELAX and think twice befor we get all upset over nothing. IF I got upset everytime I heard a female co-worker or patient make a coment about my butt as I walked away or evry time a female was a little flirty with me. I would not be able to work in a female dominated profession. Just last night a shift change i went to get the radio from my female co-worker it was in her back pockect. she had her hands full sticks her butt at me and precedes to tell the PT. and Doc she is with that I just came over to get the radion because I wanted to touch her butt! So Infront of everyone there I said if i wanted to touch your butt I would just do this and I Goosed her! Well she turns red and starts laughing the PT. Almost wets her self from laughing so hard and the Doc who was Female is not for behind. Finaly I grab The radio turn on my heel and stroll awaying leaving them all in tears. Now we took a sressfull situation for the PT. and made it easier to deal with.
FYI. Later in the shift as my co-worker was leaving she walked by and whacked me on the butt. I swaer she left a hand print. No harm no foul!
I would not behave like this with all my co-workers but certian people you know you can joke with and others you cant there is a time and place for things but you have to be intuitave and know when those times are. which can be difficult to do when everyone has become SOOOO sensitve and wants to belly-ache about everything!
Fine. You like that kind of behavior. Not everyone does. If I don't make sexual comments or worse with female coworkers I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that kind of respect in return. If people knew how to conduct themselves more professionally in the workplace and leave their sexual obsessions at home this wouldn't even be an issue.
I actually don't know anyone who has filed sexual harassment suits and don't know anyone who has been fired or sued because of it (despite seeing some real harassment) so I may have a different perspective than you do. Maybe some workplaces are worse than others and I just haven't worked in one yet.
I filed SH charges against two guys I worked with at a pizza place when I first went back to college. One was in high school and really didn't know any better (he was not fired, but was told not to do this again) and the other was a few years older and was fired, although there were other reasons too.
Basically, they were making disgusting remarks about certain parts of my, and other female employees', body in front of customers. I told them to stop, which they did, and then informed the manager when he came in the next day.
It has nothing to do with being sexually obsesive! It has to do with not being uptight to the point where everything you say or do is a sin! Like I said I get that there is real Sexual harrassment out there and that it is a real crime! I just think a little more caution should be used when acuseing or complaining about it. We are being taught to think the worst of every situation and it not necessary!
Making unwanted comments and even playfully touching another co-worker in a sexual way is unprofessional and unnecessary if there is the shadow of a doubt that co-worker doesn't want that kind of attention. I resist any suggestion that we should all just accept that kind of thing at work in the spirit of being "less uptight". People have different comfort zones and value systems; just because one person thinks sexual comments are no big deal doesn't mean it's fair for them to direct those kinds of comments at individuals who for reasons of personal ethics don't share their blase attitude. I have worked for 20 years and never found it necessary to make comments about another person's body parts in order to make it through the work day.
Specializes in med/surg; LTC.....LPN, RN, DON; TCU.
My problem is the double standard that I have found in this area. In the facility where I work females are open about this double standard. They openly joke about "size" and other items of this nature and how "stupid and sexual driven men are" but any rebuttal or replies from the males results in formal complaints. I look at it as just a working condition and deal with it because when the smoke clears the male nurses come out ahead because we steer clear of this behavior. The reason is because the male nurses with the exception of 1 have worked at the local hospital where it was much worse. At the hospital it was an every shift event while currently it happens 1-2 times a week. Plus I noticed that it happens with females that are basically unhappy at home and there is no touching or physical contact. I do not intend to imply that males don't encourage or start the "stuff" but we have learned what is going to happen and avoid it. It would be great if it didn't happened but human nature being what it is, I don't see it changing soon. I would like to be where nurses are nurses and not greeted as "one of our male nurses", etc. I have also been in the medical community long enough to understand that joking is a great stress relief and we need to be able to laugh and not get upset at every comment or action. I don't get upset when I hear comments but I don't care to be touched in a sexual manner either.
Cul2
242 Posts
Another aspect of sexual harassment that hasn't been brought up
yet, and most people don't realize. If, for example, two nurses are
joking around in the break room -- telling off color jokes, getting into
the details of the sex lives, making fun of one gender or another --
if that's going on and they're not offending each other -- yet another
person is in the room listening and is offended -- that person can claim
sexual harassment under the law. This could also apply if a patient
happens to hear two nurses joking around and is offended by the
sexual nature of their discussion. I'm not saying it's right or wrong.
I'm just saying that's how it is. Something to think about.