why dont i care like i should?

msn10 · Jun 27, 2011

but I've come to realize that everything is all a part of life, and I have an ability to accept things that others cannot

Really well said.

allnurses Guide · Jun 27, 2011

I agree with the others that you went into "nurse mode".

It is, I believe, not only a survival tactic, but the course of the disease process is one you know. You have seen it. You know what to expect. It does not have the power of shocking you like it does your non-nursing family.

When I visited my grandmother in the hospital, I recall walking into the room and, upon seeing her, thinking, "Well, I'll be surprised if she makes it through the next day or so... but she doesn't have that look yet."

I was, I'll admit, somewhat disgusted with myself for having such a cold thought.

I loved that woman like crazy and my first thought is that?!

As the evening wore on, I was sitting at the foot of the bed with my mom. My grandmother was looking at us, but then-- suddenly-- came "the change". You know what I mean.

I looked at my mom and my mom had seen it too and quickly looked at me. My mom was very shaken... and I was just ready.

Again, I was disturbed by my coldness.

I can only guess I was in survival mode.

I have had other situations, as well.

I have never cried for my grandma and that, in itself, always made me sad. Like I lumped her in with all my other patients and couldn't single her out to be "special" enough to cry over.

I have come to accept this "clinical detachment" as a curse because I don't always want it.

rdsxfnrn · Jun 27, 2011

thanks to all of you for taking the time to write. very insightful to say the least. i am going to give this much thought...... Thank God, being a school nurse, i have the summer off to spend time with her. i am going to go mow her lawn right now :heartbeat (the heck with mine for now)

texan2011 · Jun 27, 2011

Don't be hard on yourself. I don't think you are uncaring -- just a grownup facing reality. I am much older now and am way more matter-of-fact and less emotional than years ago. I lost both parents when I was young. Yes -- it's very sad and I still cry sometimes and miss them, but that's life, and we all will die and hopefully not suffer too much. So long as you are there for her and have the presence of mind to do what needs to be done, you are doing the right thing. And I am not yet a healthcare professional so it's not just seeing illness and death everyday that does it to you. I try to honor them everyday in my actions.

Getting overly emotional is not always the best thing for a family member or anyone else. Keeping your cool is more calming to everyone else.

Keep your chin up.

brainiacal1 · Jun 27, 2011

been meaning to write this for awhile.... pls excuse typos. per tos of service.... just opinions pls.... i have been in the healthcare field for ~18 yrs.... i am thinking maybe i am so immune to this situation that is i do not have the feelings that i should.... i do believe my mom has started down the road towards dementia/ alzheimers. for every medical problem that comes up, i am blase about it...... (and there have been multiple, also should mention she has many CV issues) today she mentioned very matter of factly that she couldnt find my dad, did not know where he was, etc.... my dad passed away in 2007. everyone else that heard that was upset and crying, etc.... but i was just thinking "i am not suprised" what is my problem?

If it makes you feel any better, most physicians don't care that much either (although no one verbalizes it). It's an artifact of having seen it a thousand times and becoming desensitized. As long as you are giving your patients great care, don't beat yourself up if your emotions aren't in it. Also, may I remind you some nurses are more into nursing for the career opportunity & never really "feel" for the patient....and many of those nurses are excellent nurses, nevertheless.