I recently finished an Accelerated BSN nursing degree. I did well. However throughout school, especially at the start of every new semester, i had these intense desires to drop out. It was interesting to learn the material, but i just wasn't that into it and the atmosphere & reality of nursing produced a lot of anxiety for me. Nevertheless it was just a year so i stuck it out.
Now I'm done. I even have a job I'm supposed to start in a couple months. But I really, really don't want to. I'm not excited at all, even the pay (which seems to get everyone else all riled up) is hardly consoling for when i think about the day to day reality of my life to come. I tried being numb to this fact and just sticking it out but my body's rebelling and I'm not sleeping, i'm waking up with nightmares and have rather textbook panic-attack-ish experiences.
Every time I look back on school I wish I had just done it and dropped out. I have another bachelors degree and I could get a job doing something else and be fine. When I consider allowing myself this possibility it feels like a giant weight of dread lifts off my shoulders.
I am also worried because I accepted a position. I don't want to let people down. But I also really don't want them to invest the time & money and train me for a couple months & have me let them down then.
Honestly I know all the benefits of this field, i know the variety of jobs out there too but could it be that it's just not for someone? At what point to you accept that fact & is that a selfish thing to do? So many people work at jobs they don't love and I have respect for that too...just don't know if I can do it the way they do.
I would appreciate any advice or personal stories. Has anyone ever known of anyone who got a nursing degree & didn't use it to be a nurse... or tried for a short time and then stopped?
I felt like quitting throughout school and didn't and stuck it out, went on with the next step until I ended up working on a med surg floor. It is dreadful for me. If you don't want to do it, and can find another job , what is the point of working as a nurse? I went ahead and found a nursing job and am trying to stick it out because I know if i were to be out a few years and regret it, I may not ever be able to return to nursing unless the economy does a 180 again and after 4 years in the pursuit of this (BSN) and the time it took to find a nursing job (a year), I might as well work as a nurse for at least a few months.
It's very difficult when you feel ambivalent - or plain hatred - re a job.
I hated, ABSOLUTELY HATED nursing when I was young (I was accepted into the hospital-trained course when I had just turned 17 a few moths later). I ended up dropping out in (I think) 2nd year and EVERYONE came down on me about it, hard. Now, being older, I sometimes wish I had stuck it out, but hindsight is wonderful isn't it?
Nursing can get better with experience. It depends on the area/s you work in and the facility you work for, and how well you get on with your colleagues. If you stick it our for a year at least, you might find you like the job. It's very daunting being a new nurse, there's a lot to assimilate in a short period of time, and when it boils down to it, we are responsible for many patients on one shift and for people's lives.
You also seem to be suffering from much anxiety. Have you seen your doctor just to discuss this at all? Remember anxiety, especially if left untreated will raise cortisol and adrenaline levels in your body and may cloud your judement. I would see your own doctor before making a decision to discuss everything first.
But if you really, REALLY loathe the whole idea, I wouldn't recommend doing nursing as a job, cos you will hate dragging your carcass to every shift you do and won't be doing any favours for your patients. You would probably hate doing different shifts too.
You still have your degree so that can be used when applying for other courses, or just go do a different job altogether. But you might want to see a career counsellor as well. Sometimes though the only way to know how a job is to actually do it for real.
But remember in the end - it's your life, don't do nursing to make everyone else happy, do what you have to do to make YOURSELF happy.
Sometimes I leave work so stressed out that, honestly, if I didn't really LOVE my job, I don't know what'd I do.
Ultimately, (sp? no spell check on my laptop) I would go with your gut. Even on my worst days, I still love everything about being a nurse. I am a new grad (may 2010) and even though I (very) frequently feel like an idiot, every day is a learning experience.
Go with your heart. I can't imagine sticking through a very tough degree and graduating with doubts. Good luck!
I had the same feelings as you did. I graduated last May and just wish I would've went with my gut instincts and dropped out. But I already had invested too much time and money into getting my nursing degree. You are lucky that you have another degree to fall back on. The nursing field has a lot of problems, I saw it in NS but didnt really see how bad it was until I got my first position. Pay is very low for new RNs in my area too. So I end up going to work with unhealthy levels of anxiety and not being able to sleep before or after my workdays. So if I were you, I'd get a job outside of nursing and come back when you feel up to the challenge.
Trust your instincts. Forget that job. You have your license, you have achieved your goal. That doesn't mean you have to work in a hospital in a job you despise. You have learned what you have set out to. If you proceed with starting this job, it will suck you in and it will be even harder to quit. (Guilt over orientation, friends made on the job, etc.)
anotherone, BSN, RN
1,735 Posts
I felt like quitting throughout school and didn't and stuck it out, went on with the next step until I ended up working on a med surg floor. It is dreadful for me. If you don't want to do it, and can find another job , what is the point of working as a nurse? I went ahead and found a nursing job and am trying to stick it out because I know if i were to be out a few years and regret it, I may not ever be able to return to nursing unless the economy does a 180 again and after 4 years in the pursuit of this (BSN) and the time it took to find a nursing job (a year), I might as well work as a nurse for at least a few months.