anichka1285

I recently finished an accelerated BSN nursing degree. I did well. However throughout school, especially at the start of every new semester, i had these intense desires to drop out. It was interesting to learn the material, but i just wasn't that into it and the atmosphere & reality of nursing produced a lot of anxiety for me. Nevertheless it was just a year so i stuck it out. Now I'm done. I even have a job I'm supposed to start in a couple months. But I really, really don't want to. I'm not excited at all, even the pay (which seems to get everyone else all riled up) is hardly consoling for when i think about the day to day reality of my life to come. I tried being numb to this fact and just sticking it out but my body's rebelling and I'm not sleeping, i'm waking up with nightmares and have rather textbook panic-attack-ish experiences. Every time I look back on school I wish I had just done it and dropped out. I have another bachelors degree and I could get a job doing something else and be fine. When I consider allowing myself this possibility it feels like a giant weight of dread lifts off my shoulders. I am also worried because I accepted a position. I don't want to let people down. But I also really don't want them to invest the time & money and train me for a couple months & have me let them down then. Honestly I know all the benefits of this field, i know the variety of jobs out there too but could it be that it's just not for someone? At what point to you accept that fact & is that a selfish thing to do? So many people work at jobs they don't love and I have respect for that too...just don't know if I can do it the way they do. I would appreciate any advice or personal stories. Has anyone ever known of anyone who got a nursing degree & didn't use it to be a nurse... or tried for a short time and then stopped?