Published
I work on an oncology floor.
I have been present at many deaths, and have always been in control of my emotions.
Last week, I worked with a pt that I have know for some time. My age, similar backgrounds and experiences--only she has a disease that is ending her life prematurely. She went down on my shift within a few hours and was switched to comfort care measures only.
Telling her brother that she was non responsive was one of the most difficult things I have done. I cried. Not out of control but it was obvious by looking at me that I had cried. (one of the banes of my life--fair skinned and crying leaves tell-tale signs) I handled my job well, and if pts asked me what was wrong, I replied that sometimes sad things happen on our floor.
One of my fellow nurses said showing signs of crying made me look weak and that I might have lost respect from my patients. I don't agree/ I think that showing signs of caring is a good thing. I didn't lose control. I managed my job well. Both the family/Dr and I were glad that I was that woman's nurse.
Do you think showing signs of (managed not uncontrollable) grief or stress "weakens" us in the eyes of patients?
when dealing with death and grief on a daily basis, you must develop good emotional boundaries. you will simply burn out (suffer compassion fatigue) if you don't pratice good self care.
i really think this might have been the message he was trying to convey. he , perhaps, didn't articulate it as well as this. and he really is a great guy and a very compassionate co-worker and nurse.
i appreciate all the input from everyone.
A nurse practitioner I worked with out of nursing school saw me crying one day, I was mortified. She looked at me and said "Never be ashamed to show your patients your emotions. The day you stop showing is the day you should walk away from nursing."
I've cried since then and refuse to feel bad about it, patients and families appreciate how much you care.
Keep on goin' - Oncology IS sad
Oncology is a very wonderful and terrible specialty all at the same time. We would have patients that come in and receive 30 fx of radiation and a couple cycles of chemo. Then they return everytime they receive chemo or become neutropenic. You get to know them and their families. They ask questions of your personal life. (Right here is where invariably someone will mention the professional boundaries bit) It is impossible to care for these people with out getting to know them and becoming attached. More than once these guys have passed and it hurts. When they are in pain or vomiting for hours etc, those things hurt too because you want to make them better or at least not suffer. If that doesn't peovide some tears, I would not be a human. It is okay to cry in our job. I noticed you said that it was not out of control, and that is key. If our emotions are interfering with our job, we step off for a min and gather our composure. Then we step right back into the mix and give of our hearts to others. What is not to love about being a nurse!
I'm a sympathetic crier. Watching someone else cry makes me cry, without fail. Not hysterics by any means but like you everyone can tell when I cried( I cried last week when I was in the room after she had delivered a baby. It was a difficult labor and when she started smiling and crying....that's when the waterworks started). I don't think it makes me weak if anything I find that the patient or family members find comfort when they see they aren't dealing with some cold un-compassionate person, they are deal with a person that has feelings and feels their pain or joy. If I was a patient I rather my health care providers be like that than no visible emotion at all.
tewdles, RN
3,156 Posts
Working in hospice I often grow very fond of some of patients and families. It is actually reassuring for family members when the find tears on the cheeks of the staff who have walked this difficult path with them.
There are a couple of really important things to keep in mind...
When you are with the family of the deceased you must be very careful that your grief does not inspire the family to begin comforting you.
When dealing with death and grief on a daily basis, you MUST develop good emotional boundaries. You will simply burn out (suffer compassion fatigue) if you don't pratice good self care.
Good luck!