I ask this because I seem to have some sort of intolerance to professional nursing. It's my second degree, and I was one of those odd people that actually enjoyed nursing school (not the piddly projects or reflection papers, but rather the exploration, putting the pieces of the puzzle together - everything seemed new and exciting).
Then I became a nurse over a year ago on a neuro floor.
I'm doing well there, and have had patients write the manager positive comments about me. But I absolutely hate it. Neuro patients are difficult, and many don't want to help themselves. I find it angering to be held accountable for outcomes when the patient couldn't care less about his/her safety or health.
I work nights, and I try to nap prior to a shift but I generally get very nervous before work (this has improved, but its still palpable).
I recently floated to an ortho floor and although I realize they gave me cake patients that night, I enjoyed the atmosphere. The floor had an opening that I was going to apply for, but it has since been taken off the HR site. I thought perhaps I should try another unit because maybe its just my neuro floor (the people on ortho said they pitied me for having to work on neuro so likely its not just me who hates neuro).
I got into nursing to avoid a soul-crushing job, but I seem to have found just that. I just feel 12 hours of constant stress, being on edge, emotional fatigue. My physical fatigue is non existent on the job (strangely), but I feel worn down, anxious and depressed.
Because the hospital is short staffed, management has allowed for bonus shifts where we can make an extra $15 an hour. With any other job I've worked (including as a care tech in the same hospital) I'd be all over that. But not as an RN. It simply isn't worth it to me. Neither is getting involved in UBC or extra curricular activities. I get crazy-bored on my nights off sometimes, but anything beats the feel I get going to work.
So I guess that's it. Sorry for the melodrama - But not only am I frustrated, anxious and depressed, but I'm also confused. Everything fell into place for me when I started nursing until I became a nurse. Now I fantasize about leaving the field. And that truly saddens me.
I've considered trying to become an NP to make more money and get into a clinic setting, but I don't really want to go back to school.
Any thoughts or advice? Am I alone in this? Should I try another unit, or is this common across the board?
