Being both a nurse and a therapeutic foster parent has placed me in a unique situation. I hear a lot from both special needs parents and nurses-- each with their own perspectives on private duty home care, and each having a legitimate reason for feeling how they feel. Lately, however, I've felt very uncomfortable in the "special needs parents" category because the more I hear/read, the more I realize that PDNs aren't really respected. I get a lot ofI fired the nurseI'm the boss and they need to listen to meThey think they know it allI hate having nurses hereI have cameras in every room because I don't trust nurses, they do XYZNurses are incompetentDoctors are incompetentI don't trust the nurses with my childThe stupid nurse did ABC and I am so livid...!And it bothers me because for every 1 person who says they appreciate their nurses and the services they bring to the table, there's 4-5 complaining about/fussing about/degrading their nurses. Almost as if the nurse is a property or a slave, rather than a person with a legitimate license. I don't know... Lately it's been hitting me harder than ever because I am back in school, I am working full time, and we are in the process of bringing a new special needs child into our home (hopefully) and I will again rely on nursing. I learn a lot from these special needs moms and they are very knowledgeable about conditions, resources, and support groups which I find invaluable in helping me be a good special needs parent. On the other hand, I feel like I'm betraying my nursing community by hearing these words and not doing anything to stick up for the profession.Don't get me wrong. In the past I've had some run-ins with some of the nurses in my home and I had some honest to goodness frustrations but I never felt the need to throw around terms like "I fired the nurse" (I never HIRED the nurse, the agency did. I just accepted them unto the case, and when it wasn't a good fit I asked that they be removed from the case). The term "fired" seems harsh to me. I never outright distrusted a nurse; I had baby video monitors but it was never because I thought the nurses were inherently evil or felt they needed to be babysat. In sharing some of my concerns with a special needs mom who also happens to be an RN, she told me that I would never fully understand because I'm not a "real" special needs mom- "[i'm] one by choice"- and to birth a child with these needs takes away power that parents try to regain wherever possible. If feeling like they have control over whomever is in their child's life, even if they don't have control over the NEED of having these people in their child's life helps them, then so be it. Even though she was a longtime, well educated nurse she didn't understand why it might bother me how other parents speak about nurses. In her POV she was a SN mom first, then a nurse. So, is she saying I'm a nurse first and then a SNs mom, just because I didn't give birth to the child??? I digress. It makes me feel almost dispensable and unappreciated as far as PDN goes, and definitely prevents me from picking up cases as a fill-in, even when asked by parents whom I consider "friends" because I know what is said about nurses behind closed doors. I also know that some of those same SN parents come on this site and watch what nurses say about them and it seems unfair because they go back and talk about nurses and use words vented here against us in making new rules and policies. And when nurses speak up in defense of the profession it becomes an "us versus them" debate and that's neither productive nor helpful. I feel torn. Does that make sense? Have you heard such things? Do you ever feel unappreciated? Do you feel like everything is a power struggle (damned if you do, damned if you don't)?