This vile expression implies that experienced nurses do not treat new nurses kindly. My first problem with the statement is that it’s a generalization implying that all nurses are like that. Interestingly, whenever I hear someone utter the expression, I always say, “I don’t do that. Do you?” The person making the statement always says, “Oh no, I don’t, but many others do.” I’ve never heard even one nurse own up to doing this, although some nurses are willing to indict the entire profession. Every time that statement is repeated, it causes harm and casts a dark shadow on every nurse. Say anything enough, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please note that by moderator consensus some of the "Nurses Eat Their Young" posts will be referred to this thread where there can be an ongoing discussion, rather than several threads saying the same thing.
To students and new grads that are having problems with nurses, please take a moment to read the above link. Is it really the entire profession, every single nurse, or do you need help with one or a few nurses? We will be glad to help you in dealing with those people, but let bury the phrase "Nurses Eat Their Young".
To experienced nurses who claim our profession eats it's young, please take a moment to read it as well and think about it. Also take time to teach, be friendly and nurturing to the new nurse and students on your unit.
Specializes in Emergency Medicine, Dr. Office, Psych.
what should i do? should i confront her?? im not good with confrontation and i tend to back down when faced with authority and let them get the upper hand because i'm insecure of being new and thinking that i'd be needing their help the next time. but now that i'm not saying anything about what she's doing i feel like i'm doing myself disservice by not standing up for me. help please.. i want the morale downgrading to stop.
can you give me an example of how she speaks to you?
i have been doing this for 18 yrs, & have learned cleaver ways to deal w/ people. i would love to share with you! i have to warn you , even last evening when i "dropped" in on a "troubled" worker on 2nd shift, she refered to me as " like being attached bya pitbull"............ sometimes tough love, makes a better nurse?
i want to remind you i work in a prison, i am an assistant supervisor, i came in "unexpected" to see how things where going due to a call off on 2nd, & to help out if they needed me, i walk in to find the medication rooms doors wide open!!! with inmates sitting in the hallway during doctor call, no nurses around, mind you we have schedule 1-2-3-4 narcotics in our building, so its dangerous to leave any door open especially when your narcs are on the counter... so i freaked on the both of the nurses, with "unacceptable to leave any doors open especially when there are inmates in the hallway in front of the medroom!!!" ........... thats when she made the pitbull comment, and i kindly responded with---------- unlike pitbulls i sharpen my teeth!!!
Specializes in telemetry, medsurg, homecare, psychiatry.
confront her in private. believe me, it is the only way.
if you do this, most of the time they are so suprised because they didn't expect you too in the first place.(it's pretty funny when you catch them off guard)
it gets easier after a while, then you find people to be less critical and hurtful when they know that you won't accept mistreatment.
be firm, and direct. tell her how you feel, and that you do not deserve to be treated that way.(believe! that you do not deserve it because you don't)
what's the worst thing that can happen? it's not like she pays your bills right? at least you got it out of your system. if she doesn't stop, then tell your manager that you have attempted to work out your differences, but there hasn't been any changes.
What should I do? Should I confront her?? Im not good with confrontation and I tend to back down when faced with authority and let them get the upper hand because I'm insecure of being new and thinking that I'd be needing their help the next time. But now that I'm not saying anything about what she's doing I feel like I'm doing myself disservice by not standing up for me. Help please.. I want the morale downgrading to stop.
It is hard to say not being in your exact situation and like I said earlier I don't know the culture you live in. I have confronted one of my charge nurses who is ANM also. I told her that if I ask her a question I need her to give me a specific answer, not answer me with another question. Well she has gotten better about that, but now after I have a years experience she gives me the tiniest details when I have only ask for something simple. Better too much than not enough though! She also had a habit of snapping at me and yelling, and I allowed myself to snap and yell back. She doesn't do this much anymore. This may be different for me because she and I are nearly the same age, I am a bit older even. I don't know if I would have gotten away with it if I were very young. The day nurse who always tears apart my reports, continues to try to do so, but she has to work much harder to find something wrong.....success is the best revenge, HAHA! I told her the last time that she was criticizing me for not being able to tell her the specific lab tests that were done along with their results, that I did not have tests memorized, that I drew what printed out, and would review all my labs when they came up on computer, if something was wrong, I dealt with it immediately and I would gladly refer to the rounds report if she needed me to do this at this time. I told her that someday I might have labs down well enough to give her the info the way she wanted it, but right now "this is the way I do it!" This sort of left her speechless. Sometimes I mix humor in these situations and sometimes I feign a bit more sincerity than I feel. It is all about getting my point accross without making the situation more volitile. This particular nurse is a hothead and as far as I can tell she really hates to come to work and will tear up anyone who shows a sign of weakness.
Regardless I think if you can confront specific behaviors without making a big deal out of it, yet get your point across it will be more effective. Be specific about what the problem is and what change you need. Then let her talk. It may work, it may not, but at least you are giving it your best shot. In many cases it is better to do it in privacy, unless you do it in a very subtle manner.
I think you know what you need to do, just don't blow up, what ever you do. Don't quit either. One thing to remember is that time changes all things and one day you will be an experienced nurse. I have also found that it takes time to establish credibility. Those things all help. Even if you decide to keep it to yourself, sooner or later she will get the picture, especially since you sound as if you are an excellent nurse.
Maybe some of the more experienced nurses on your unit might have some good advice on how you could best deal with her. I know some of the ones I work with have been so helpful to me. They know your culture and the culture of the unit. Seek them out. Also their support can go a long way toward helping your feelings. I love my supportive colleagues:redpinkhe and am so glad I have about 2 of them for every jerk that I work with.
Thank you for the advices.. I really appreciate it and would try it one of these days. To give you an example, when I was giving endorsement for the next shift in which SHE was included, I gave the type of the operation that will be done to the pt. Then she said, huh,what kind of operation is that? I think it's ___. Then I said, ok, because I just read what is written by the doctor. Then she said, here u go again making excuses. What do u think? Then at one time I was doing a 24-hr urine collection and my shift ended and the patient became hers. She called me 2hours after my shift telling me why there wasn't any ice on the basin where the urine collection was placed. I said to her that i did put another batch of ice 1hr b4 my shift ended. And the she said,so why isnt any ice? I really want to tell her maybe it's no longer my fault because it's already 9am and my shift ended @ 7am. Then another instance is she's always telling me that I'm untidy at work because my charts are always on the table when it fact it only happened once. Then whenever I'm the only one on the nurse's table and she sees charts not mine just lying there,she'd tell me that why can't I see that it's a mess and to tidy it up. And i would tell her that I'm just letting the charts lie there because I noticed that the nurses who were writing there were always coming back after just minutes of going away from it to complete something in it and it would be a hassle for them to get again their file on the rack. Then she told me here I go again making excuses. Am I making excuses? What are you thinking?
We actually have a 15-year age gap. And yes, I do not want this to be an big issue because it's not a big hospital and we all know each other and socialize in the same places. And the most disturbing thing is, we are 4 here who are new and making mistakes often. But I'm the only one getting all the negative attention and my work scrutinized heavily. If they are doing this on all the new staff, I won't have qualms of taking all the reprimands in. But I really feel it's personal.
Specializes in telemetry, medsurg, homecare, psychiatry.
LIKE I SAID......CONFRONT HER.
THEN, IF IT DOESN'T REALLY STOP YOU COULD TELL YOUR MANAGER.
Describe what you are writting, and it sounds like harrassment. The big "H'" word, don't fly well in a hospital. Perhaps you can suggest moving to another shift if the situation gets to stressful.
I worked with a nurse that looked for things... stupid, nonsensical things
to annoy me. Actually she annoyed everybody. Nobody ever said anything to her. She was loud and rude and insulting and liked to be heard by everyone, including other patients.
"Whatever":smokin: ---------so for the "heck" of it i confronted her and that suprised her. She stopped talking to me for a while which was kinda nice:yawn:----------then a few days later she was actually a little nicer. :)
For some people the element of suprise works well with them.
Sounds like good info. Do you know anything about confronting someone who consistantly speaks in a condescending tone of voice but doesn't ever say anything overtly abusive or derrogatory? So far I have just been ignoring the tone and using the information. This is the one person who I have had a problem with that I have not confronted and she continues to speak to me in a very condescending manner whenever I ask her for info and sometimes interjecting when I am delegating. Anyhow, any pointers would be appreciated.
Thanks, Mahage
By ignoring it, you're allowing it to continue and giving her permission. Telling the manager before trying to deal with it yourself is ineffective.
I would probably wait until I find her doing it again,. Do it in private and in person. Start off positive...."thanks for the information. May I talk to you about something......when you speak to me you are coming across as condescending, blah blah, blah.......I'm pretty sure you don't mean to come across this way?". Hopefully a good conversation will ensue.
If she does it again, point it out. "Remember we talked about this already, but you're doing it again"....each and every time.
By ignoring it, you're allowing it to continue and giving her permission. Telling the manager before trying to deal with it yourself is ineffective.
I would probably wait until I find her doing it again,. Do it in private and in person. Start off positive...."thanks for the information. May I talk to you about something......when you speak to me you are coming across as condescending, blah blah, blah.......I'm pretty sure you don't mean to come across this way?". Hopefully a good conversation will ensue.
If she does it again, point it out. "Remember we talked about this already, but you're doing it again"....each and every time.
Sounds like a good approach. I really do believe in confrontation, and know it can make things better in most situations, but this is just so vague, but it really is making me uncomfortable. Especially since she most recently undercut me when I was attempting to delegate an approrpriate task to a tech. I felt as if she was implying that I had no business delegating this, that I should do it myself. Regardless it was inappropriate for her to interject, especially in the tone she used. She may just be a beyotch, but I think it may be some of the "New nurse" stuff and some of it may be the letters behind my name that she resents. I have noticed that she is a bit of a "know it all" even in talking to the experienced RN's but she doesn't use the same critical tone with them. I respect anyone for their knowledge and experience, the letters don't matter that much to me, but they do to some I know.
Anyhow, thanks for your suggestions. I will give it a shot. I just wasn't sure if I should or just keep my mouth shut and hope with time, she would get over it. I have volunteered to do her PICC and TLC lab draws in the past, but she never asks me to. She will ask any other RN on the unit, but never asks me, even when I am obviously caught up, so I feel like that is a way she has of avoiding acknowledging my credential. So I really do think this is a big part of it.
Specializes in telemetry, medsurg, homecare, psychiatry.
Don't let her make you feel like you aren't credible enough to help her.
For the love of God! Who cares! STOP OFFERING THEN. She obviously has issues, and has a driving desire to pick on someone. Unfortunately she has picked you.
So, what are you going to do about this? "read a nice book" while she frantically tries to get her work done if she won't let you help.
Thank you for the advices.. I really appreciate it and would try it one of these days. To give you an example, when I was giving endorsement for the next shift in which SHE was included, I gave the type of the operation that will be done to the pt. Then she said, huh,what kind of operation is that? I think it's ___. Then I said, ok, because I just read what is written by the doctor. Then she said, here u go again making excuses. What do u think? Then at one time I was doing a 24-hr urine collection and my shift ended and the patient became hers. She called me 2hours after my shift telling me why there wasn't any ice on the basin where the urine collection was placed. I said to her that i did put another batch of ice 1hr b4 my shift ended. And the she said,so why isnt any ice? I really want to tell her maybe it's no longer my fault because it's already 9am and my shift ended @ 7am. Then another instance is she's always telling me that I'm untidy at work because my charts are always on the table when it fact it only happened once. Then whenever I'm the only one on the nurse's table and she sees charts not mine just lying there,she'd tell me that why can't I see that it's a mess and to tidy it up. And i would tell her that I'm just letting the charts lie there because I noticed that the nurses who were writing there were always coming back after just minutes of going away from it to complete something in it and it would be a hassle for them to get again their file on the rack. Then she told me here I go again making excuses. Am I making excuses? What are you thinking?
Don't get me wrong, I don't always know what to say, but regarding the ice, I might have replied that "she should have put some on herself before it melted", and re. the charts I might have told her "it wasn't my mess!" The situation and mood is always different, but I have made such replies. They can work and then other times the other person just goes off! That is okay too sometimes if they want to through a fit, let them. I don't stand around and be their audience.:zzzzz
She stopped talking to me for a while which was kinda nice:yawn:----------then a few days later she was actually a little nicer. :)
nurselsteele
111 Posts
can you give me an example of how she speaks to you?
i have been doing this for 18 yrs, & have learned cleaver ways to deal w/ people. i would love to share with you! i have to warn you , even last evening when i "dropped" in on a "troubled" worker on 2nd shift, she refered to me as " like being attached bya pitbull"............ sometimes tough love, makes a better nurse?
i want to remind you i work in a prison, i am an assistant supervisor, i came in "unexpected" to see how things where going due to a call off on 2nd, & to help out if they needed me, i walk in to find the medication rooms doors wide open!!! with inmates sitting in the hallway during doctor call, no nurses around, mind you we have schedule 1-2-3-4 narcotics in our building, so its dangerous to leave any door open especially when your narcs are on the counter... so i freaked on the both of the nurses, with "unacceptable to leave any doors open especially when there are inmates in the hallway in front of the medroom!!!" ........... thats when she made the pitbull comment, and i kindly responded with---------- unlike pitbulls i sharpen my teeth!!!
:argue: