in a difficult situation with "natural med" friend

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I have a dear friend who I have known for 10 years. I attended and supported her through her two natural childbirths including one at home (just as the friend, not the midwife!- she had one of those). I have answered her called in the the middle of the night when she was a new mom and baby was crying or she was having trouble nursing. I was not a nurse then-- I am just now a new RN. We differ on a lot of things including the fact that I have put my trust in conventional medicine, esp after one of my children was born with a complex medical issue and needed lots of medical intervention that homeopathy would not have touched and may have even caused more harm.

So last year she called me saying her child was having some breathing trouble, fast respirations, retractions. I told her to immediately take her to the ER. She didn't listen. Finally a couple of days later she took her to the naturalpathic doctor, who called an ambulance from the office and the girl was admitted for several days with asthma. She was given instructions to give the child medicine and breathing tx, but has not done either. And yet she calls me all the time asking what she should do, and I always tell her to take the child in and she doesn't.

Last week she called again in the middle of the night. Her child had a high (103) fever for a few days which did not respond to Tylenol. She called only when the child was complaining of a stiff neck and was not lucid, seemed to be having hallucinations and was sleeping a lot in between these fitful waking periods. Once again I told her take the child to ER but she didn't. Instead she gave the child phosphorus which was something she had read about in a book. She also started to wake the child more often to offer fluids. The next AM she called to say the fever was gone and the child was better and she was glad she didn't bring the child in, they would have just done the spinal tap and put the child through needless suffering. I say she had a very close call with this child! It could have been serious. And to add insult, she changed to the subject of asthma since I have a cough right now, and suggested that the chiropractor could cure my asthma with a few adjustments! I have been suffering my whole life and know how to manage it with meds and doctor visits.

She's planning to go to a third world country with the children in a few months. I educated her once again about vaccines and encouraged at least the Dtap and polio. She did finally relent on those after me telling her horror stories of children I had seen in this same country when I traveled there several years ago. Polio is alive and well.

ow

I don't know why this friend keeps calling me. I don't know if I'm obligated, now that I'm an RN, to report her lack of action with a child who's ill, esp. the last time when it could have been very serious. I love her and I know she loves her children but it's just hard to watch. I know I have to report abuse but does this count as abuse?

Thanks for listening.

Specializes in FNP.

You are not mandated to report friends who confide in and disagree with you. If you don't want to be her friend anymore, distance yourself, but when it comes to her parenting, mind your own business.

All of this nonsense about you being required to report her to"the authorities" and endangering your license, is just that. If you have questions about that, contact your BON and they will assure you neither is the case. What a bunch of manufactured drama!

I haven't read all the responses, but thought I would respond. I lean to the natural side of things & try not to medicate my kids. I get where your friend is coming from.

One thing that strikes me odd in your post is you say she does not used medicine, but called you in the middle of the night when a fever did not respond to Tylenol? Curious why she gave Tylenol if she uses only holistic ways. Most wait until fever is higher than that to medicate.

Anyway....since she calls all the time & does not do what you say, I think you need to have a conversation that explains that while you understand that she calls you for advice, because you are an RN. But since she clearly does not follow said advice, ask her not to call about medical issues any more. She can call her Naturalpath, her Chiro, her acupuncturist instead. Tell her it is your license.

Good Luck!!!

It surprised me that she gave the Tylenol too, but I think she was getting very worried. She then called me when that didn't work for the fever as well as she expected it to.

I spoke to a veteran nurse that I know in real life about this, and she agreed with most of you. That I have an obligation to report, and if she doesn't want to risk me reporting anything, she should not ask my advice about medical care anymore. When I hung up with her that night after telling her to take the child to ER or at least page the family doctor (he answers his own pages at all hours), I guess I was assuming she would do that, and she chose not to. Same with the asthma-- I was assuming she would take her in after I explained that her child was showing serious signs of distress. And then she called me a few days later saying she was now admitted.

Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

I think you are past reporting the incidents you described, and that you are right on to tell her what your obligations are and to back off.

On the other hand, if she calls you again with a similar scenario, I'd call 911 then and there and send them over. What to say? "My friend called, told me her child had these symptoms and I'm very worried about the child". If EMS finds a child in extremis, they'll take him in.

I agree. We're always taught that we are obligated to report anytime we suspect abuse/neglect, not when we have investigated or confirmed abuse, or when we've failed at a few attempts to intervene. CPS expects us to report situations that come a little shy of falling into the actual legal criteria for abuse/neglect. It's their job to sort that out.

Specializes in LTC.

I think my response when the child is very ill (asthma, meningitis s/sx) would be "Your child needs to see a doctor now. Let me call an ambulance for you" or even "I'm coming to get you two and take you to the hospital"

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