Difficult co-worker

[GM1928]

I'm an RN and new to a outpatient procedure center. There's a co-worker who micromanages me. As I went to empty a wastecan, she told me not to, because it wasn't full enough. I started to haul soiled linens out of the recovery room; she told me the bag wasn't full enough. She ordered me to move paperwork on a counter 18 inches to the right ''because it doesn't belong where it is.'' I've been trained by several other coworkers to immediately get family members when a patient comes to recovery, rationale being that if the MD comes to talk to the family member, then the MD shouldn't have to wait. This woman jumped down my throat because a patient ''wasn't stable'' and that I had brought the family back too soon. She referred to me recently as her ''aide.'' I do not engage her in discussion about the micromanagement but she can tell it angers me. She called an impromptu meeting of all the nurses in recovery last week and stated that the ''new nurses'' are told to do things ''because we have a way of doing things here.'' She looked directly at me. She said that when ''new nurses are told to do things and they just walk away'' (as I have done a couple of times), ''that's just being passive - aggressive.'' (I would rather walk away than say or do something unprofessional) After this impromptu meeting, a couple of other nurses asked me if I was ok. I told one that I'm on the verge of quitting, and she strongly encouraged me to talk to my supervisor about the situation, and that I need to ''just let that person's words roll right off your back.'' The micromanager is very tight with our supervisor and I feel that talking with her as suggested will not accomplish anything. The impromptu meeting, in my opinion, was heavy-handed and intended to humiliate me in front of other people. That's mainly why I want to quit -- because I've been humiliated in front of other people. Those nurses did not need to brought into a discussion about tension between two people. She basically brought 5 other people into a situation that should have been handled between me, her and our manager. I'm 54 and I know bull**** when I see it. I guess I'm looking for advice on how to handle this with my supervisor.....should I just resign, or give her the chance to look into it?? I really feel that if this coworker would stoop to public humiliation of another person, that's not a place I want to be.

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

Since she's your coworker and not your orienter or mentor, I'm thinking you should ignore her. Tell her, "thank you for your input." And then just do what you believe is best. And think in your mind about what you will say if a supervisor calls you on it and asks you why you didn't do things the way the other lady told you to.

If you are actually still being formally trained by the crazy lady, I think you should do what she says. Move the papers to the right, whatever, when you're on your own do things your own way, as outlined above.

I work with a couple of crazy nurses and i tried not to make waves while in orientation. Now I do what I think is best. But I always try to think of what I'll say if my supervisor wants to talk yo me about why I do something different than the other nurses.

#shoutout! To Commuter or someone else with lots of experience...please give your 2cents to this poster!!

[floatnurse2000]

Talk to your supervisor, the hazing is quite ridiculous in many places. Bullies do not belong in the workplace.

[Psychcns]

I would probably go with what vintagemother says till off orientation. Will your supervisor evaluate you? That is all that counts, really. If this person is tight with the supervisor you may need to figure out why so you can best figure out how to work in a way this person does not affect you. It sounds like you have some allies with the other nurses. Good luck!

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Too bad those allies don't go to the manager and tell them you are being bullied. My guess is, this person rules the roost, because the boss is in her back pocket.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Suggest you move into Conflict Management 101 mode. First step is always to have a crucial conversation with the other person(s). This a widely-accepted process & technique for managing conflict... Assuming you don't want to buy the boo, here is a nice summary of the main points ( Summary crucial conversations ). If that doesn't work, go to step two: discussion with your manager. Be sure to point out that this is harassment, and it is very difficult to focus on patient care when you are in such a hostile environment. If your manager has any experience, she should pick up on these obvious phrases and take some action. If that is not satisfactory, you'll need to go up the chain of command... to HR &/or the Nursing Leader for your organization.

Wishing you luck - Have courage.

[SweetSouthernLove, ASN, BSN]

I deal with a similar situation constantly on my unit. There are people whom think that because they have worked at a facility for a number of years or a length of time that they are entitled to treat people like crap. Don't take this. When the situation happens again address her IN THAT MOMENT. There is no better time to do this - the same way she is ordering you around like she is too good to do things for herself or operate her brain on a MATURE and civil level - you have the right to be the same way right back.

If it means becoming down right rude then so be it, because she has already crossed that line. When she questions things like the trash can and the linen hamper (really?, I can't believe this would even happen!) plain out tell her that you can think for yourself and will act accordingly since that is what you were HIRED to do. The nurse manager may like her more than others because she has seniority or has been there for a length of time or they get along etc. - don't let that discourage you for standing up for yourself when you are being MISTREATED. The nurse manager is there when serious conflicts arise but she may not always be available to settle disputes with coworkers constantly. If it continues then address it with your Nurse Manager before you resign, exhaust all your options if it is a job you are happy with. Good luck to you.

[GM1928]

Thanks, everyone. I went to my supervisor and talked to her about it. She was sympathetic (or appeared to be). She called a meeting of the 3 of us, which was this morning. I told my co-worker that the micromanaging has to stop...she tried to justify it by saying that there's just a way ''we do things here.'' I said ''you don't need to tell me how or when to empty a garbage can, or a linen bag, and if you want more examples, I will give them to you.'' I told her that the impromptu meeting she called (reference my original post) came across as heavy-handed and extreme. ''You involved 6 other people in a situation that really was between you and me.'' She did apologize for having done so. She also said (with our supervisor sitting there) that instead of giving me direction, she would just give regular reports to our supervisor about me. I told her I would do the same about her. All in all, I think she got my point, and was more than a little ****** off that I called her out on the bullying, but hopefully she'll leave me alone and let me do my job. Our supervisor did say in the meeting that I am doing a very good job as a new employee. I don't take anything for granted and realize that I may have stirred up a hornet's nest, so I do have feelers out. But as a male RN, I have never taken **** from MD's and I certainly won't take it from other nurses. If speaking up gets me fired, so be it. If it improves my work environment, that's fine too.

[GM1928]

Update: I asked for a few days off to tend to my ailing father...this on the heels of the incident with my co-worker. My boss called me to her office late today. She fired me. She said it just wasn't working out. Earlier in the week, she'd said I was doing great. I knew all day that she was ****** off at me--no eye contact, no verbal interaction. So, two hours after firing me, she sent me a text message: "I wish you all the best. You're a great person. I hope you have a good weekend and I hope your dad does well. Thanks.'' I did not and will not reply to her. She needs lithium. Very unpredictable, very unstable.

[RNIBCLC]

Wow, so sorry that happened. I hope you will find a better position soon and be able to put this behind you.

[Jaykalkyn, BSN, RN]

Just reading this thread ****** me off. First of all, I wouldn't let this go without finding out exactly what the issue was. I would take the supervisor to task about her saying I was doing a great job on Monday and then firing me on Wednesday. That's some ******** if I ever heard it and that person should not be in a leadership position. I would go to the manager and have a meeting with that person and the supervisor and make them explain exactly why I was fired after being told I was doing good. That smells fishy to me and that supervisor/bully relationship is the culprit, IMO.

And even if you don't even want the job, its the principle of the thing. I would demand answers as this could affect your future job situation.

[Concerto_in_C, BSN, RN]

Sounds like another alpha female case, nursing is full of them. You should consult a supervisor immediately. A good supervisor will probably tell you to have a talk with the abuser and explain your feelings. If that fails, there is a good chance the supervisors will be able to mediate between you and the abuser and have this resolved in a meeting where you, the abuser and a manager will be present.

However, if you are working for a smaller company, there is a good chance the supervisor and abuser are best buddies and the manager will shift all blame on you. In that case, be prepared to go to human resources.

Hang in there, you are not alone. In terms of inter-employee relationships, healthcare is one of the more challenged career fields. If you are new, you will have problems with certain people because they don't respect you. If you are experienced and successful, you will have problems with certain people because they are jealous of your success.