developing that "thick skin"

[mycatmax]

So how do you do develop that "thick skin"? This is my 5th week on the floor... brand new rn...

Today was the first day I had a doctor try to make me feel like a bad nurse. Just a rude comment was all. But still, when he said what he did my heart sank into my stomach, I felt it.

I know FOR SURE that this will not be my first, nor my worst encounter. I'm a sensitive person. Just need some words of encouragement, please:)

[Susan9608]

If someone is being truly inappropriate with you, whether it is a doctor or a patient's family member or another nurse, I think a good course of action is to let your nurse manager know, particularly if you are too upset to respond yourself. Your nurse manager should be your advocate, particularly when it comes to the doctors. I know my nurse manager never allows the doctors to treat our nurses badly. The one time a doctor did it to me, I reported it to her, and she spoke with him, and he later apologized to me.

Even though people say you need a thick skin and that you can't let what others say bother you, sometimes it just does. When this happens to me, I usually take a minute - generally in the bathroom as that's the only place to guarantee privacy - to collect myself and then I go back about my job.

I've found that answering someone back immediately after being insulted, screamed at, whatever has not worked to my favor, because the filter between my brain and my mouth seems to disappear when I get flustered. (Once, when a doctor screamed at me, I just stood there, and when he was done, I said, "Were you talking to me? Because I quit listening once you started yelling." And on another occasion, when a doctor asked me very rudely, "Didn't they teach you this in nursing school?" I said to him, "Didn't they teach you to speak English in medical school?" He was foreign with a thick accent.) So my advice would be to take a moment to cool down, gather your thoughts, and then discuss the issue with either the offender or your manager.

Good luck.

[PedsER-RN, BSN, RN]

the way i look at it is, they are no better than anyone else. ignore it. if it gets excessive, confront him/her, write it up, or tell your nm. i'll never forget the time i had a trauma pt that came with 2 non-functioning ej's. it's pretty much protocol here that for a trauma, they get 2 iv's. we started one and while it flushed great, it wouldn't draw. so i popped in another and was in the process of drawing blood off it when the trauma surgeon blew up "i told you to draw off the ej!!!! didn't i??? take out the damn iv now!" so i just calmly stood there, looked him in the eye, and said, "do you want me to finish drawing the blood for the trauma panel first, or do you not want that either?" so i finished drawing the blood and dc'd the 2nd iv. i didn't really care that he had yelled. he just made himself look stupid. funny thing, later he came up to my when i was cleaning the room after the kid was transferred and apologized: "i'm sorry i yelled at you; that wasn't right of me to do that". i accepted his apology and we both moved on. it hasn't happened since.

i know it's hard when you first start out b/c you're already scared and unsure of yourself. thick skin comes with time; i used to be super-sensitive, and still am outside of work, to a degree. something my mom told me years ago: "don't ever let someone make you think they're better than you are. they sit on the pot and take a crap just like everyone else". kind of gross, but it puts into perspective that everyone's human.

good luck. it'll get better.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

It hurts to be criticized.

You will learn over time which battles to choose and which to let roll off of you. Hang in there.

[Sassybottom]

If the comment is unjustified, I just remind myself of all the positive things I have in my life.

I will also secretly think of childish negative things about the other person too i.e., their skin is wrinkled, they are too skinny, they have no love in their life, etc.

[Luci2Lu2]

Try to remember even though you are doing the right thing often another healthcare provider may make comments that make you feel bad. You need to remember our profession is all about doing the right thing, the right way, to the right person at the right time. So cheer up and welcome to the world of nursing.

[nyapa, RN]

I can't think as quickly, or have the 'guts' to say what some of you guys have said. Doctors in the main seem to be improving, but I agree with another poster; families and the pts themselves are becoming more aggressive, and I find it very hard to cope with. I do say though that "I am here to help, not to be spoken to like that, and I do not have to put up with this behaviour" will then walk out. But I don't think I have ever been that brave to say that to a doctor...and I am not ashamed to say that my skin is not as thick as I would want it to be.

[MzMouse]

I find it helps to remember that the person (be it doctor, fellow nurse, whoever) that is handing out put-downs is often the one with the problem. They are either insecure in their own abilities, having a terrible day, or just plain a jerk.

It's tough though, I know. I am not one who can think of comebacks on the spot, but then, I don't want to stoop to their level.