Depressed with my Job

[sjerseymom]

I have been a nurse for almost 5 years. I have only worked night shift. I like the night shift as it is calmer but I have bounced from 6 different areas in those 5 years. Every day before I work I a get so depressed to the point I almost cry. I take care of a disable husband, 3 kids, 3 dogs and my cat. I am the only driver in the home in an area where you need a car to get anywhere. Taking everyone to appointments, groceries, doctors, you name it I have to do it, is all up to me to arrange & follow through. It is so bad my kids really don't have the opportunities to participate in school activities, sports, etc.

I don't think I have found my niche. I have applied all over to get into a home based nursing such as insurance or even an office job, but I don't even get a phone call. I think I need something on a more normal schedule such as 9-5 M-F, with no holidays or weekends (maybe occasional weekends). I don't know what else to do. I already have taken a 2 week FMLA at the beginning of the year while I finished my BSN (graduated May 2012). I really do not want to go on any medications. I want to know if anyone else feels like this and if anyone has any kind of advise or insight into a solution? Any ideas or suggestions on how to get through this is greatly appreciated.

By the way, my dream life was to be a stay at home mom & take care of the house & family. I never wanted to be a career woman. I know I do feel some resentment toward my husband's situation. But there is no changing that.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

no advice just good wishes. you seem to be dealing with alot , basically responsible for 4 other people. would working day shift 7 am to 7pm be any better?

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

don't expect phone calls. i know you're stretched thin, but try to make appointments to see people in person, even if there are no open jobs right this minute. make contacts. come off as calm, confident, and well-dressed, even if they tell you there is no job open right now. bring extra copies of your licenses, certifications, and resume, proof-read by someone else, printed nicely. the next time an opening comes up your name will be there. call back every three weeks or so and speak to the same person with whom you met, to remind him/her that you are still available and very interested in the position.

if you are interested in case mgmt with an insurance company, get hooked up with the local case management society of america. you'll start learning more about it so when you interview you will have something to say; that's also where all the contacts are, so people will remember you before the job is even posted.

good luck... and do try to get some sleep. i hope your kids are older than about 5 and can do a great deal for themselves-- mine did their own school lunches, their own laundry, and their own rooms and bedmaking, starting at about that age. you need them to step up and be responsible family members.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

Sounds like your home life is more than person can handle especially since you work as well. Have you called your local real services agency or a local united way organization? There are agencies who can help you by providing meals, transportation, etc. Please seek help.

[OnlybyHisgraceRN, ASN, RN]

I don't have any advice. I was just touched my your story and feel sorry about your situation. I couldn't imagine what you are going through. I pray things get better. Take care of yourself, you are a priority. :hug:

[Marshall1]

You sound like you have caregiver burn-out - which is understandable...would it be possible for you to take a week or 2 off? Even if unpaid to just get a break? Case management is a good direction as is working at a health department, most state jobs and federal jobs don't require weekends, holidays, call...you can go to USAJOBS - The Federal Government’s Official Jobs Site to look around...

As far as M-F...I have done that for almost 6 months now and I can tell you that for me, long term, it will not be something I stay with. I think a lot of nurses on there think the M-F gigs are stress free..they aren't...the stress, for me anyway, is seeming to do nothing but get up, go to work, catch up on weekends and start over...it's difficult to make doctors appts, run simple errands when you are on a M-F schedule as are most businesses. You have to consider benefits too if you need them..unless it's Kaiser or a larger co. benefits are going to be expensive or non-existent. Holidays and weekends, yes, you are off but again, so are many other people and businesses are closed. If you need time off during the week to take your pets or your husband to the doctor etc. then think hard before going to a FT M-F position. I'm not trying to say it's all bad, it isn't but is it not the nirvana many on here seem to think. I personally would not do it again..part time, yes, but FT, no. In fact, I am seriously considering returning to the hospital in a float pool position so I can have some flexibility and a life other than work and the grocery store!

[iluvivt, BSN, RN]

Yes... you have a lot on your plate but remember you can design a life that works for you and you family with planning and a little luck. It will be essential that you DO NOT leave yourself out and continue to take good care of yourself.

Marshall1 makes some great points about scheduling. It can be nearly impossible to make Dr. and dentist appts and general errand running. When I had those types of hours I experienced the same thing. I needed Sat to rest and was slow to get anything done and then on Sun I was crazy busy shopping and cleaning and paying bills and other stuff. I learned early I needed a housekeeper and have always had one since I began my career. a long time ago. I think with all you are doing it would be a wise investment to have a housekeeper come at least once every two weeks. Then if your children are older they need to pitch in and you need to have a chore chart. Can your husband help out in anyway? As far as employment could you find something like 4 10 hr shifts a week or 3 12s. That way you have time during the week for all the other stuff you have to do. Yes.... they can be long days but if you are organized it works great IMO. Hang in there because you can make your life work well with some planning and good decisions.

[gloryfied]

Wow, and Im here wanting more responsibilites because all I do is go to work and be at home, bored and bored. I commend you, I can't imagine how it is to care for a disabled husband witrh 3 kids. Thats unfortunate. In such a situation where you are the only one who can actually do anything for the family, i think that it is important that you stay spiritually strong, sometimes in our lives, its all that we really have. Ive gotten to that point, being alone and working all the time, away from my family.

In any negative situation that beats down upon you, find strength in it. make sure you rest, apply for positions that best fit your schedule, and things should get better sooner or later. Theres no quick fixes, everything is a progress. I wish you the best in all that you need to do. Good luck with your family as well.

[wellcoachRN]

It seems to me that your reserves are very low and that you have caregiver burnout. I have been there and it is ot a fun place to live! It's time to delegate responsibilities to your children and start taking care of you. You are actually doing your kids a service by teaching the responsibility that will help them when they move out. You might also want to check with your county's social worker to see if there are any transport services provided for the disabled to apointments. You might be interested in reading "The Art of Extreme Self Care" by Cheryl Richardson. Make sure that you are getting enough rest and proper nutrition also. When your reserves build up, you will be able to have more energy. I know, it is easier said than done, but remeber you are worth it! I wish you the best! Good luck!