Dealing with patient death

[pinkdoves, BSN]

I think the hardest part of this job is having patients die. Especially after taking care of them for months and months, sometimes I have been around the child more than their own parents have. It's hard to keep my emotions out of it. Recently, my work emailed me saying a patient that has been on our unit for a long time passed away. It's also hard with HIPAA and realizing I am not their family member/anyone that important outside of the hospital to give my condolences. I am a stranger to these families. How do you guys handle patient death?

[SmilingBluEyes]

I work in a specialty that sees a lot of patient death; patients we become attached to over time and it's very sad. I try very hard to leave it at work, having a robust and healthy home life is key. In other words, I leave work at work and go home and do my thing.

I may be old and crusty, but patient death does not devastate me anymore. Even though they may be on the younger side, kidney disease kills so many.

I am sorry you are struggling. If you find it's bothering you a  majority of the time, or at home maybe you can take advantage of your EAP and get a bit of counseling?

If not, just take it one at a time and try to find an outlet to let off the stress. Hobbies, exercise, prayer, meditation, reading good books, etc. All help me.

I hope I was able to help you some.....others may have better suggestions. Hang in there. Nurses are often empaths, taking on more than our fair share of others' grief and pain and it's rough!

[Kitiger, RN]

If the funeral announcement is public, I.e. in the newspaper - and it doesn't say that anything is private - I have often written a memory on the funeral home's website and/or gone to the visitation. I have also gone to many of the funerals. If there is a meal or gathering afterwards, I don't stay unless I am specifically invited. I'm not trying to push myself in with the family, I'm just saying goodbye.

It helps me, and it shows the family that their loved one was special to the nurses, too.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I’ve seen a lot of people die, most of my career was in geriatrics and Med/Surg so death was just something I had to deal with. That said, some patient departures were harder than others and I grieved for them,  although certainly not anywhere near as long nor as intensely as I would have for a family member (including my pets). I attended some of their wakes and funerals, then went back to work as always, knowing there would be other deaths at some point. You really never “get used to it”; you just learn to cope and remain professional throughout the experience. After all, it’s not *your* experience—it belongs to the loved ones of the patient who has passed away. 

[Emergent, RN]

Try to cultivate a spirit of detachment as much as possible. Also realize that you are human and will sometimes cry with/for people,  it's OK. Just train yourself to work through it quickly. Don't wallow in the emotions, learn to move on.

[TKL]

It's a terrible feeling, loss. Some stick in our minds for quite some time. As others mentioned above, it's okay to acknowledge and have emotion. With time, it is still difficult but you will find different methods of coping. I always like to tell anyone who is willing to listen, to reach out to your hospital's form of EAP program if you have one. Being able to discuss or find techniques of coping can be helpful with guidance. 

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I can only imagine that dealing with the death of children is a particular challenge. In most cases the death I see is in older patients and doesn't generally feel as tragic because they have at least had the opportunity to experience life. Although lately we have had MANY deaths in younger patients, ages 30-50, related to alcohol and drug abuse, which is very sad to see for the families dealing with such a loss.

As others have mentioned, I have attended the funeral services of a few patients with whom I developed a closer relationship. It seems to have made the family members happy to have someone from our unit come to the service. I have written letters to a couple family members when I thought there was something important to tell them, in both of those cases I sent them to the funeral home before the service so I didn't have to find personal information. 

And if the deaths seem to be bothering you, I would also recommend seeing if your facility has an employee assistance line to talk with someone. Taking care of yourself is very important as well. Good luck.