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Dealing with Birthmoms & Adoptive moms

Posted

Hi,

Some of you may already be aware that my husband & I are adopting a newborn baby at the end of December. We are very blessed with this miracle that god has bestowed upon us.

The birthmom will be having a c-section the last week in December. This is her fourth pregnancy. She already has three other children (2 born via section & 1 vaginally). How common is it for adoptive parents to be in the operating room during a c-section? Is this something that is an individual rule of the hospital? We definetly want to be in the operating room with her. She has no problem with that.

In addition- how do you find the birthmoms state of mind after they give birth? Do you find them depressed, happy, neutral? We have a 6 day wait for her to sign the relinquishment papers.

How do the adoptive parents usually act? Are they typically in another room with the baby? Is there any contact with the birthparents? Does the birthmom get to see the baby or hold the baby if she wants to?

I am just trying to get a feel as to what to expect at the hospital when she gives birth. Thanks for any feedback.

Julie

Hi,

Some of you may already be aware that my husband & I are adopting a newborn baby at the end of December. We are very blessed with this miracle that god has bestowed upon us.

The birthmom will be having a c-section the last week in December. This is her fourth pregnancy. She already has three other children (2 born via section & 1 vaginally). How common is it for adoptive parents to be in the operating room during a c-section? Is this something that is an individual rule of the hospital? We definetly want to be in the operating room with her. She has no problem with that.

In addition- how do you find the birthmoms state of mind after they give birth? Do you find them depressed, happy, neutral? We have a 6 day wait for her to sign the relinquishment papers.

How do the adoptive parents usually act? Are they typically in another room with the baby? Is there any contact with the birthparents? Does the birthmom get to see the baby or hold the baby if she wants to?

I am just trying to get a feel as to what to expect at the hospital when she gives birth. Thanks for any feedback.

Julie

Julie,

Congrats on the pending arrival. I know how exciting and fearful this time can be. I am sorry, I did not follow the thread about the b-mom picking you, so I am unfamiliar w/ whether or not an agency or facilitator has made this arrangement...

I think you want to work out as many of the details re the delivery as possible, in advance, and then keep in mind that things may change as the delivery progresses. Work w/ your agency or rep so all parties involved can be satisfied.

Keep us posted on your progress.

SJ

(mom to 2, one adopted.)

The only part I want to speak on here is the part about the c/section. Your presence (or lack of it) may not be anyone's choice but the hospital staff's. The birthmother should be the one deciding who will be in the OR with her. Usually, only one support person is allowed to accompany a woman into the OR suite. That's merely because of all the sterility that must be maintained for the mother's protection.

I wish you luck. All the surrogates that we have had have varied in experience with the particular case. the adoptive parnets have been in at the vaginal birth, the birthmother chooses NOT to see the baby at all, or shooses to take care of it the entire hospital stay, the adioptive parents take over immediately.......there are so many variations on the theme. Some of these decisions may be out of your hands.

Enjoy your new baby (when it arrives) and thank that birthmother every day. She is giving you a wonderful gift.

HAPPY TO HEAR OF YOUR IMPENDING PARENTHOOD

I really don't have anything to add because the only time i dealt with an adoptive situation the baby was not put out in the viewing room and the birthmother came and looked for her, she asked some of the stafff about the baby but we had been instructed that her (the birth mothers parents) had decided that there would be no contact...this was a long time ago when i was in clinical but i have never forgotten it

I just recently dealt with this. It does depend on the staff, how many are in for a c/section. Normally here it is one, but in this case, they allowed both adoptive parents in the OR. The amount of contact you have with the baby is basically up to birthmom. I do have one piece of advice. If the birthmom is giving you unrestricted access to the baby, allow her to have some alone time with the babe. This situation I dealt with, the adoptive parents were always here, they stayed overnight in the room. I know that the birthmom said it was ok, but, not sure if she *really* wanted them there the whole entire time. Birthmom does need some space, time to say goodbye and have a few memories to hold onto. I know it will be nerve wracking because you don't want her to change her mind. The one I dealt with never had a chance to breathe without one of the adoptive parents right there. Yes, she probably could have said she needed space but I don't think she was very assertive. Also birthmom may be going through a grief process also, so you have to take that into consideration.

I don't know if this is making any sense or am I just rambling?? Anyway, Congratulations and enjoy that new baby!

gauge14iv

Specializes in ICU, ER, HH, NICU, now FNP. Has 23 years experience.

My oldest had a child at 17 and gave him up in an open adoption. She loves to talk about her experience and would be very very willing to sharing her experience with you or the birth mother.

She is convinced she did and is doing the right thing, every time she sees him she knows that she made the right decision even though it was hard at first. He will never think that he was given up because he was not loved, he will always know that he was given up because he IS loved.

If you'd like to speak with her, contact me privately and I will hook the two of you up to talk!!!!! I'm sure the adoptive mother would be very willing to share her experience as well.

oh by the way: post a picture of the little one as soon as you can..

oh by the way: post a picture of the little one as soon as you can..

I sure will! :)

We had a big scare this morning though! I got a phone call from her husband at 6:30am est. It was 3:30am pacific time. He said that she was throwing up blood and bleeding vaginally, so he rushed her to the emergency room. He said she was going to be getting an emergency c-section. Talk about putting my stomache into knots! Her due date is 1/1. She was originally scheduled for a c-section on 12/28.

Well, after a few hours of frantic phone calls back and forth (between Florida and California),it was determined that she has a bleeding ulcer. She is dilated 2 centimeters. No further complications. So she was just released a few minutes ago. They gave her some pain medications and deemed the baby to be fine.

Somehow I doubt she will make it to 12/28. But at least now I will go home and pack a suitcase. I will be more prepared for the unexpected! WHEW!

Congratulations! I hope everything goes well for you and the baby. What a wonderful Christmas gift!

Hi,

Just to give a quick update...On December 12th, we got a phone call from our birthmom that her water broke and she was in active labor. Our beautiful daughter, Sarah Brandi, was born vaginally at 8:00pm (pacific time). We were able to see her 18 hours later.

She weighed in at a healthy 8lbs, 7oz and 19.5 inches. She was deemed extremely healthy! (not bad for no prentatal care for 33 weeks). Birthmom was doing fine as well.

Sarah was released to our care 24 hours later. We stayed in California until 12/23. We have been home now for 5 days. She has been such a blessing and a miracle in our lives. She is a good baby! She eats well, sleeps well and has a wonderful temperment! We couldn't be happier!

I want to give a shout out to all those wonderful nurses at Sutter Memorial hospital, in Sacramento California. You were all very sensitive, caring, and professional to our needs, (the adoptive parents), the birthmother, her family and gave fantastic care to the baby. You nurses ROCK!!!!!

Hi,

Just to give a quick update...On December 12th, we got a phone call from our birthmom that her water broke and she was in active labor. Our beautiful daughter, Sarah Brandi, was born vaginally at 8:00pm (pacific time). We were able to see her 18 hours later.

She weighed in at a healthy 8lbs, 7oz and 19.5 inches. She was deemed extremely healthy! (not bad for no prentatal care for 33 weeks). Birthmom was doing fine as well.

Sarah was released to our care 24 hours later. We stayed in California until 12/23. We have been home now for 5 days. She has been such a blessing and a miracle in our lives. She is a good baby! She eats well, sleeps well and has a wonderful temperment! We couldn't be happier!

I want to give a shout out to all those wonderful nurses at Sutter Memorial hospital, in Sacramento California. You were all very sensitive, caring, and professional to our needs, (the adoptive parents), the birthmother, her family and gave fantastic care to the baby. You nurses ROCK!!!!!

:balloons: :balloons: Congrats to the new family:balloons: :balloons:

QuilterLPN

Has 6 years experience.

What a wonderful Christmas gift for you. Congratulations!

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