Crisis of confidence

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hello everyone

Iv been a nurse now for 15 years. I have felt privileged to have been so, and proud of it. I did once upon a time feel that I did a good job. These days however its a different story all together. Iv grown to hate my job, it seems to be one mistake after another, or some critasim, or complaint. I really can't cope any more. I'm having a complete crisis of confidence. I wake in the morning with palpitations at the thought of having to go to work, I was on holiday recently and I was in tears on my last day knowing I had to go back to work. I'm going out of my mind imaging problems that haven't occurred and mistakes I didnt make. Can anyone come back from that or is it eventually time to quit?

Thank you..

Specializes in Surgical, Home Infusions, HVU, PCU, Neuro.

You cannot take care of someone else without taking care of yourself first and foremost. Perhaps your pre stressing over work is your body and mind's way of telling you that there are things with you that needs looked after. There is no shame in that. I agree with the previous posters suggestions on finding someone to talk to about these thoughts and feelings. Maybe you need a break, or a new atmosphere altogether, you dont have to have all the answers right now. Life is too short to dread something so much it is effecting you in this manner.

Take care of you, everything else will fall into place. Best wishes.

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Hey LostSoul123

I don't know the details but feel your pain. I recently made a medication error and my confidence, trust in self, desire.....gone!!! It's been a struggle to make it in my last couple shifts & have one more to go before I have 4 off!! I made a friend request on here if you need to talk. Wasn't just me but also involved another nurse and a double verification med, the patient is just fine but I feel like everyone now knows and thinks I'm an idiot! After 12 years I have never been counseled or reprimanded and even a week later nothing has been said by management which makes it almost worse!!!!

I'm not sure if job burn out is contributing but I'm sure it is, as well as going from adult ER into pediatrics & now feel like a new grad!!

please reach out!!

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

When you've been running on adrenaline for long enough, eventually the whole fight-or-flight thing just doesn't settle down anymore. I'm guessing you have a high stress job with plenty of armchair quarterbacking thrown in. That's why taking a vacation isn't enough for you to return to work refreshed. Your brain can no longer get off the hamster wheel.

It's probably not a bad idea to see your doctor, but a doctor can't remove what's making you sick. I would really caution against getting medication just so you can carry on coping with your high stress life. I really do think you need to start looking for the exits from your current situation before you get really sick or in an accident.

What you're describing is a common occupational hazard for nurses, and rarely adequately addressed. I've seen advice like "Make sure you have work-life balance" and "make sure you take your breaks" and other feel-good platitudes. The truth is, if your job is eating you alive, all the meds and breaks and vacations in the world won't save you. You have to save yourself. If you're at the end of the line in your current situation, you need to make a new plan for yourself.

I don't know how your finances are, or what kind of support you have. Time to muster your resources and formulate a good Plan B. Good luck. I'll be sending you good thoughts.

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Specializes in Critical care, Trauma.

Something that might help to uncover the etiology of your feelings is to go back and think about when these feelings started. Was it after changing jobs? Making one or more errors for which you felt highly criticized or judged? Being in an unsupportive environment, period, with or without any error?

The thing that makes me think this isn't just plain ol' burnout is that it sounds like more than just compassion fatigue and just feeling "over it". My understanding of burnout is that it is basically a form of apathy. Concern about performance is not apathy. What you describe (especially the parts about errors you didn't actually make) sounds more like anxiety. It's less common in someone who has your years of experience, but it can come from other factors such as focusing on recent errors or being in an environment where all you hear is the negative about what you do.

Or it can be something completely different. Someone else mentioned getting your TSH checked, a thyroid dysfunction or anxiety could be a potential cause.

I made a post a long time ago about how I was feeling burnt out in the medical field as a CMA before I even went to nursing school. People told me to not even bother continuing forward if I hated it so much already. What I came to find out was that my symptoms (apathy, depression, crying) were actually had been caused by my birth control pills. I'd taken them for years but that just meant that the change in me was so subtle that I didn't even recognize it as anything other than just normal life stress until I was crying in my boss's office when he asked me to pick up an extra shift. lol Yes, that was my wake-up call. I got off of the pills and was able to get back to being me. It's just a good example of how my symptoms, which were so hyper-focused on my job, had absolutely nothing to do with the cause.

I hope you're able to find the right answer.

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You are obviously burnt out.Doesnt take a Psych consult to see that.As a nurse of over 20yrs take care of yourself

and move on.I did and found it refreshing.There are some people that can stay put forever doesnt bother them one bit.I found for me moving around

working in clinics, hospitals, homehealth, travel nursing insurance and even the Red Cross, kept me in nursing. I also worked Psych.Explore all that nursing has to offer no need to be miserable.

Change is good.

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Specializes in ED, ICU, Prehospital.
When you've been running on adrenaline for long enough, eventually the whole fight-or-flight thing just doesn't settle down anymore. I'm guessing you have a high stress job with plenty of armchair quarterbacking thrown in. That's why taking a vacation isn't enough for you to return to work refreshed. Your brain can no longer get off the hamster wheel.

It's probably not a bad idea to see your doctor, but a doctor can't remove what's making you sick. I would really caution against getting medication just so you can carry on coping with your high stress life. I really do think you need to start looking for the exits from your current situation before you get really sick or in an accident.

What you're describing is a common occupational hazard for nurses, and rarely adequately addressed. I've seen advice like "Make sure you have work-life balance" and "make sure you take your breaks" and other feel-good platitudes. The truth is, if your job is eating you alive, all the meds and breaks and vacations in the world won't save you. You have to save yourself. If you're at the end of the line in your current situation, you need to make a new plan for yourself.

I don't know how your finances are, or what kind of support you have. Time to muster your resources and formulate a good Plan B. Good luck. I'll be sending you good thoughts.

THIS.

LostSoul, my heart broke for your screenname. You shouldn't have to feel like this going to work, or ever. In reality, in some situations, this feeling is normal and expected, like after a sudden death of someone close to you or after a traumatic experience.

There is absolutely no shame in calling a full stop when you reach the end of your rope. We are so inculcated in nursing that if we leave for any reason, or take a break or do a less demanding specialty, we will "never" get back to anything more demanding. It also is not shameful that you may simply, truly, loathe your specialty/colleagues/patients/unit.

Self care is paramount here. Step back and take a hard look at when this began. Was there something in particular or was this a gradual thing? I agree that getting a thorough medical checkup is essential, to rule out physiological causes. I would, however, caution you strongly against revealing too muc (or anything, actually) about your emotional state to your employer, colleagues or even a psychiatrist who is paid for by your insurance thru work. Think that thru and you will agree with me.

People have their own problems and a lot of times, they want to make sure someone else's problems are greater than theirs. Makes for good gossip. Nurses havebeen investigated by the BON for far less, if you make a few mistakes here and there, and someone decides to connect those with your emotional state.

I feel for you. I have thought often and hard about leaving nursing altogether, because of the toxicity of working first off for what amounts to a soulless corporaton and second, with some bad apples who just cannot come in, do their damn job and go home. Nursing is a social activity for some and it's driving good people like you to feel "less than".

When I began in the ED, although I hated the behavior of some of my colleagues, I bought into the rubbish that if I didn't "keep up my skills" i really was not a true nurse. If you can't throw an IV in a 2 day old while coding a 95 yo in the next curtain, what good was I?

Mistakes happen. To all of us. Unless you are negligent, I wouldnt't beat myself up over that right now. If the reason you made those mistakes were from innattention or distraction or fatigue....you need a serious break.

I have a soft cushion, a second career/license that I can fall back on....do you have a plan B? Feeling stuck in nursing is a horrible thing. Or any job for that matter. Better to see a counselor on the lowdown, for cash if you can handle a few sessions like that...and use your PTO. If you can get the counselor to write you something for FMLA...do that. Get away, get distance and time.

Some people don't like to acknowledge this, but some of the things we see and are expected to deal with in nursing causes PTSD. It's NOT a weakness. It's being human and uour limits have been reached....we all have them, some just cope in different ways. Some get toxic, some turn to self harm like alcohol or drugs, some get on medication and tough it out and some leave. PTSD is not a scarlet letter, but some nurses would like you to believe you are less than if you admit weakness.

Please get a counselor quietly...you dont need added stress of anyone snarking behind your back or your job being in danger because your suprvisor can't keep grinding you down. Find out what is at the root cause and make a plan. You can change your environment, but make sure it is where you are that is the problem.

Good luck to you.

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It may be beneficial to find out if your institution has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that may provide some guidance and a referral for additional help. You may also find a personal LOA to do some soul searching and regroup before deciding your next plan of action may be helpful. There are so many different areas you can use your nursing skill set in, who knows, maybe you'll find a new passion within the profession. Best of luck to you!

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Firstly a huge thank you for all of your feed back.

I'm in the UK so some of the terminology is a bit difficult to understand, the rules here are entirely different I think.

It kind of came to a head yesterday when my boss spoke to me, and more or less advised that I needed professional help, and urged me to think about taking some time. So that is exactly what Iv done. I went to see my Doctor today and have been given a few weeks sick time. They are also looking at physiological reasons for my feelings.

I work in a very demanding (dont we all) area, where the work load is piled high and in my opinion without cutting corners it is impossible to follow correct procedures and achieve their workload expectancies. Iv always been a very thorough and by the book kind of nurse. I am passionate about the basics and these seem to be lacking.

Iv found that iv had to work up to 2 hours over every day to meet the demands, I wrongly however perhaps didnt communicate that properly because I felt that it was my fault, and believed that I would get the hang of it eventually. This meant I was constantly worn out and ended up giving up on the things I was involved in. I wasnt entirely looking after myself properly either. Iv never had a job so all encompassing.

I do think of looking for something else, I dont really want to give up on nursing, I have such a lot of skills and good to give, not to mention how hard I worked to get here in the first place. I just dont entirely know which direction to go. Although with my self belief, confidence and worth at an all time low I worry that Id just end up carrying the same issues with me.

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