Lostsoul123

There has been a lot of changes since my previous post. I have changed jobs, location, and work in a much more supportive environment, than I did before. I had made in roads with this issue, and been far more settled. Sadly a case I was involved with ended up with the coroner involved and although there was no question in regards to my practice, nore was any wrong doing put at my feet. It's reawakened old wounds and I am struggling again. I haven't been bedside nursing for over 14 years now. The thing is I have no choice but to keep going. I cant afford to stop being a nurse there are no jobs which pay the same and my mortgage still needs paying, and im trapped in an organisation because of its pension implications. So I need to learn better skills to cope, I don't quite know where to turn thats all..

Hello I know every once in a while an individual patient really does get under your skin, and plays on your mind. That I think is normal. My problem is that I seem to feel like every time theres any deterioration in a patient I feel like its my fault. Like I didn't do enough, didn't look hard enough, ask the right questions, or I must have took a risk too far. If someone dies I take it so personally. As with all areas post covid patients are much sicker than they ever were before, and these events are almost weekly. Following this I live in fear, I ruminate, and can hardly think of a anything else. Im really struggling with it. I don't really have anyone I can talk to at work either. How do you just not take it all so personally? How can I realise that it isn't my fault? How do you learn to make peace with it? Any advice to deal with this? Thanks

Firstly a huge thank you for all of your feed back. I'm in the UK so some of the terminology is a bit difficult to understand, the rules here are entirely different I think. It kind of came to a head yesterday when my boss spoke to me, and more or less advised that I needed professional help, and urged me to think about taking some time. So that is exactly what Iv done. I went to see my Doctor today and have been given a few weeks sick time. They are also looking at physiological reasons for my feelings. I work in a very demanding (dont we all) area, where the work load is piled high and in my opinion without cutting corners it is impossible to follow correct procedures and achieve their workload expectancies. Iv always been a very thorough and by the book kind of nurse. I am passionate about the basics and these seem to be lacking. Iv found that iv had to work up to 2 hours over every day to meet the demands, I wrongly however perhaps didnt communicate that properly because I felt that it was my fault, and believed that I would get the hang of it eventually. This meant I was constantly worn out and ended up giving up on the things I was involved in. I wasnt entirely looking after myself properly either. Iv never had a job so all encompassing. I do think of looking for something else, I dont really want to give up on nursing, I have such a lot of skills and good to give, not to mention how hard I worked to get here in the first place. I just dont entirely know which direction to go. Although with my self belief, confidence and worth at an all time low I worry that Id just end up carrying the same issues with me.

Hello everyone Iv been a nurse now for 15 years. I have felt privileged to have been so, and proud of it. I did once upon a time feel that I did a good job. These days however its a different story all together. Iv grown to hate my job, it seems to be one mistake after another, or some critasim, or complaint. I really can't cope any more. I'm having a complete crisis of confidence. I wake in the morning with palpitations at the thought of having to go to work, I was on holiday recently and I was in tears on my last day knowing I had to go back to work. I'm going out of my mind imaging problems that haven't occurred and mistakes I didnt make. Can anyone come back from that or is it eventually time to quit? Thank you..