Last night I worked with a nurse who has worked at my hospital for 3 months. She moved to our state for her husband to complete an educational program. She has 3 kids. I have not worked with her very much, but once before she opened up about her marriage to me. I figured that she needed to vent, being in a new area, and I'm used to it because people always open up to me easily for some reason.
Last night we were working with another nurse with whom I've worked many times. They got on the subject of husbands, and this new nurse literally could not stop talking about this dreadful subject of what a lousy husband she has, listing over and over again his many faults. She also reminices about her last hospital where she was very happy frequently. She talked about her best friend there, who was such a good support for her, they would get together and vent about their lousy husbands together, they had so much in common, and she misses this best friend so much!
Meanwhile, we had previously decided to attend a three session continueing ed thing in Feb and March together. I was thinking it would be great but now I'm dreading it because it's obvious that her very favorite subject in the world is how miserable her marriage is. She talked about this nonstop last night. My husband has been dead for 9 years, and he was very lovable and was the best. In no way do I want to hear about her terrible husband. It's obvious to me that this is her very favorite subject in the world, I kid you not.
Any advise? I tried gentle humor to steer her off the subject, but you should have heard her, her stamina in talking about her husband was amazing!
I work with someone like that. Drives me crazy. I lost it one night and said to her "You married him." She called me unsympathetic and didn't talk to me the rest of the shift. I considered that a bonus!
Yeah, a simple, "So leave him already" might do it, too.
Whiners don't like to be asked about why they don't act on their complaints. Maybe that would shut her up.
Yeah, a simple, "So leave him already" might do it, too.
Whiners don't like to be asked about why they don't act on their complaints. Maybe that would shut her up.
This brought back a memory. A orderly who was going though a divorce was lambasting his wife as a prostitute (amount other things). I said to him, "why in the world did you marry a prostitute?" He got furious at me and never spoke to me again. I worked with him for a while after the incident and he gave me the cold shoulder everytime. Which indicated to me that perhaps his soon to be X had a few things to complain about herself.:monkeydance:
If you can, physically walk away from her when she gets going like this. If everyone physically walks away from her when she starts in on her favorite subject(s), she may not get the msg for awhile but you will be away from it. If she says something, tell her that her conversation gives you headaches and your MD has warned you about unnecessary provacation. Just keep on giving her verbal and nonverbal disapproval and eventually she may see her behavior as non-productive.
i have been in a similiar situation, with a newly in love nurse, she couldn't stop talking about him..not a negative way but just as relentlless...i don't care what the subject of conversation was she would work his name and how wonderful he was, he ws divorced so somebody discarded him
thank goodness i didn't always shae her shift and i don't know what i would have done if a 3 day siminar had come up
As far as the 3 day seminar, for heaven's sake, don't sit next to her! Be blunt when you tell her why! (And don't forget what your MD said about provoking your worsening headaches!)
Thanks for the replies. I definately don't want to offend or hurt her, but I might have to be more direct if it conts to be a problem. I know she needs support, but neediness is a huge turn off to me because it puts me on the spot. I'm not a needy person myself.
I irony is, when I came on last night I said "Did you get my message?", I had left a message on her voice mail regarding this ed thing, since I had the dates for it and wanted to see if she still wanted to do it. She hadn't bothered to get back to me. I really had gone out of my way to be friendly to her and welcoming, I know how hard it is to move across the country.
Turns out she was miffed that I hadn't returned a call, which I'm sure isn't the case because I always return calls. So, she was playing some game not returning my call, it was the second time that's happened where she didn't return my call, I've tried to communicate with her about this ed thing.
I think my wisest course is to play the sympathy widow card and say how it's painful for me to hear it.
The three day seminar is not in all one chunk. It's a CCRN review course with 3- one day sessions not all in a row. I promised her that I would drive, it's in the Seattle area, she's not familiar with it. There's no way I could not sit by her, it would be totally weird. She's just really unhappy, but I can't do anything about that with non-problem solving gripe sessions that last for several hours.
GardenDove I hear your pain!! Good grief 3 days with that would drive me bananas! A few years ago we went on a cruise for Christmas, and planned to go with another couple - tickets bought and all. He's DH's friend really and she was more mine. Perfect right? Except a few weeks before the cruise, he decided to divorce her (extenuating circumstances and I'm not convinced he wasn't misbehaving before that announcement but anyway). HE came on the cruise anyway, and spent the entire time whining about how when he got home, he couldn't believe she'd be gone. I finally said "Well YOU wanted this, didn't you?". Got the blank stare and he shut his mouth. Moved in with his gf a few months later grrr.
Talk about ruining a cruise! If you can, try to avoid going to the course with her. Maybe she'll simply not return your phone calls, especially if you've already expressed how you really don't need to hear anymore about her miserable marriage.
Try to be nice about it and tell her that you just don't want to hear it. Let her know that your husband passed away.
Because you said that you're and easy person to talk to, she probably does feel comfortable blabbin about this subject to you (likes you too, otherwise she wouldn't confide all of these things in you). She won't know that you don't want to hear it unless you tell her.
I have an idea, I think after the first ed session day, once she knows how to get there, I'll make up an excuse as to why I need to drive separately. It's a 1 1/2 drive each way, a ripe opportunity for a ***** session. I can see how the first one goes and then take it from there. I have friends over there who I can see.
Yeah, a simple, "So leave him already" might do it, too.
Whiners don't like to be asked about why they don't act on their complaints. Maybe that would shut her up.
My mom complained after she divorced my dad--for 23 YEARS!!! She would also constantly complain about other people. One time I asked her "What are you going to do about this"? No answer. But it didn't stop the complaining. And she would act hurt and insulted if someone even hinted they were tired of hearing it.
give the poor woman a break. some people cope better with a horrible situation when they talk about it. she probably has no idea she is getting on your nerves. when she starts talking, just find something else to do. i'm quite sure there is plenty of work that needs to be done in your department.
SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN
10,263 Posts
Yeah, a simple, "So leave him already" might do it, too.
Whiners don't like to be asked about why they don't act on their complaints. Maybe that would shut her up.