cover letter help...please

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i have always had problems writing effective cover letters. Could someone please take a look at and let me know their thoughts and any suggestions. Lately, I have been applying many places and am having problems getting the initial interview.

Any help would be very appreciated.

Cover Letter

xxx xxxx, R.N.

[address]

[city]. [state] [zip]

Date: August 14, 2013

[Human Resources/ Nurse Recruitment]

[institution]

321 [street Address]

Milwaukee, WI [zip]

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to state my interest in the Registered Nurse position on [unit] at the [insert Name of Hospital/Institution] in [City], [state]. I graduated with my Associates Degree in December of 2011 and will be graduating with my Bachelors Degree from xxx University in December of 2013. My education and past experiences have helped me develop valuable skills that I believe will help me become an asset to your health care facility.

Throughout my work experiences, I have established a vast background in many areas that allows me to be flexible and adaptable. In health care settings, I have gained a strong background with cardiac and stroke patients, with additional knowledge with respiratory, cancer, and hospice care patients. Prior to health care, I have twenty years in administrative and accounting roles giving me exceptional organization and prioritization skills.

My special interest areas include Cardiac, Stroke, and/or Oncology. However, I am open to a challenging position that will enhance my experience, knowledge, and skills that will provide the opportunity for personal and professional growth and advancement. I am a fast learner with the willingness to do what is necessary and the ability to work independently or as part of a team.

I feel I have the confidence to provide excellent nursing care to patients and to be a solid member of your team. I am enthusiastic regarding this position and believe that my value of care matches your institution's core values of care--[insert Institution's values/philosophy of care].

I would be grateful for the chance to meet you so that we can further discuss my background, qualifications, and interest in this opportunity. I can be reached at my phone (xxx) xxx-xxxx or at my email x[email protected].

Thank you for your consideration in this exciting opportunity.

Sincerely,

XXX, R.N.

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Looks good but I would leave out "I feel"

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I would take out "

I am writing to state my interest" and replace it with "I am interested in" since they already know you are "writing."

I would also take out the second "background" in the second paragraph. It's just too much of the same word. "I have gained extensive experience in..." might sound better after it's taken out.

"In health care settings, I have gained a strong background with cardiac and stroke patients, with additional knowledge with respiratory, cancer, and hospice care patients." maybe change this sentence to "In the health care setting, I have extensive experience with cardiac and stroke patients. In addition, I have gained useful knowledge and skills with respiratory, cancer and hospice patients."

"My special interest areas include Cardiac, Stroke, and/or Oncology" If the job you are applying for is not in one of those 3 areas then I would not put this sentence in the cover letter, because someone who is reading it might think that as soon as you can get a job in one of those 3 areas then you will quit and move on.

Hope this helps :)

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The cover letter should be directly tailored to the Hospital and position you are applying to. If it is an oncology floor, state specific ways you have experience in/would be an asset to their floor. Include bits of the hospital mission statement, or a reason you specifically would be a good fit for that hospital.

I agree with CrazyGoon, leave out "I believe" or "I feel" - sound confident without sounding cocky. :x3:

Include all of your contact information either as a header or business-letter style above the Hospital's information. Bold your name and phone number, and include with the cover letter a resume and page of professional/personal references.

My boyfriend is busy playing war-games, so I'll just dissect your letter. I hope you don't mind. ;)

To Whom it may Concern,

I am pleased to write to you regarding your need for a qualified Registered Nurse position on [unit] at the [insert Name of Hospital/Institution] {{ city/state probably not necessary. Do include Job Requisition # if given on the website}}. I graduated with my Associates Degree in December of 2011 and will be graduating with my Bachelors Degree from xxx University in December of 2013. My education and past experiences have helped me develop valuable skills that would help me to become an asset to the {{hospital name}} health care team.

I have a strong background working with cardiac patients, in addition to patients recovering from cerebrovascular accidents. Furthermore, I have had experience working with patients coping with respiratory ailments, various forms of cancer, and undergoing hospice care. {{insert something warm and fuzzy-ish about working with families or providing patient education}} Prior to initiating my career in health care, I have worked for twenty years in administrative and accounting roles, giving me exceptional organization and prioritization skills.

I am looking forward to this challenging position that will provide the opportunity for... {{ don't talk about what you're going to get from them, talk about what you're going to contribute to their workforce. Of course you want the job for personal/professional advancement and a wider knowledge base, but don't tell them that off the bat.}} :) I am a fast learner with the willingness to do what is necessary and the ability to work independently or as part of a team.

I have the confidence to provide excellent nursing care to patients and to be a solid member of your team. I am enthusiastic regarding this position and believe that my value of care matches your institution's core values of care—[insert Institution's values/philosophy of care]. {{ This paragraph is a little generic, look up the mission/values statement of the hospital and try to incorporate that into what you have to offer... "I look forward to caring for the community and providing world-class service while patting small children on the head..."}}

{{-- find a few synonyms for "team" ... we both seem to like that word too much.}}

I look forward to an opportunity to further discuss this opportunity and about the potential to become a team member of yada-yada Hospital.

Sincerely,

Good Luck! :)

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My boyfriend is busy playing war-games, so I'll just dissect your letter. I hope you don't mind. ;)

To Whom it may Concern,

I am pleased to write to you regarding your need for a qualified Registered Nurse position on [unit] at the [insert Name of Hospital/Institution] {{ city/state probably not necessary. Do include Job Requisition # if given on the website}}. I graduated with my Associates Degree in December of 2011 and will be graduating with my Bachelors Degree from xxx University in December of 2013. My education and past experiences have helped me develop valuable skills that would help me to become an asset to the {{hospital name}} health care team.

I have a strong background working with cardiac patients, in addition to patients recovering from cerebrovascular accidents. Furthermore, I have had experience working with patients coping with respiratory ailments, various forms of cancer, and undergoing hospice care. {{insert something warm and fuzzy-ish about working with families or providing patient education}} Prior to initiating my career in health care, I have worked for twenty years in administrative and accounting roles, giving me exceptional organization and prioritization skills.

I am looking forward to this challenging position that will provide the opportunity for... {{ don't talk about what you're going to get from them, talk about what you're going to contribute to their workforce. Of course you want the job for personal/professional advancement and a wider knowledge base, but don't tell them that off the bat.}} :) I am a fast learner with the willingness to do what is necessary and the ability to work independently or as part of a team.

I have the confidence to provide excellent nursing care to patients and to be a solid member of your team. I am enthusiastic regarding this position and believe that my value of care matches your institution's core values of care—[insert Institution's values/philosophy of care]. {{ This paragraph is a little generic, look up the mission/values statement of the hospital and try to incorporate that into what you have to offer... "I look forward to caring for the community and providing world-class service while patting small children on the head..."}}

{{-- find a few synonyms for "team" ... we both seem to like that word too much.}}

I look forward to an opportunity to further discuss this opportunity and about the potential to become a team member of yada-yada Hospital.

Sincerely,

Good Luck! :)

You are very talented!! I'll hire you to do my cover letter - lol!

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