Please critique my cover letter!

[leyds]

Hello! I am really struggling with writing cover letters. I'm graduating from my program in a month and most residency programs have opened up... Please critique my cover letter and let me know how I can improve. Thank you!

 

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing this letter to express my interest in XXX's Pediatrics RN Residency. My personal journey as an immigrant deeply influenced my understanding of the importance of culturally sensitive healthcare. I arrived in United States at the age of 17, and I encountered firsthand the barriers to accessing healthcare and advocating for myself and my family. My journey exposed me to diverse cultural backgrounds and perspectives, which is why I have a strong passion for patient advocacy and cultural competency.

With almost four years of customer service experience and a background as a caregiver, I've developed strong communication skills. In these roles, I always valued empathy and compassion in every interaction. My background was incredibly helpful during my pediatrics preceptorship because I was able to effectively interact with a diverse range of patients and families, providing them with the support and care they needed. I also developed efficient time management, prioritization, and team collaboration skills, enabling me to adapt in a busy acute care environment. 

I am dedicated to continuous learning and growth, and I approach each opportunity as a chance to acquire new skills and provide the best possible care. I am resilient, have a strong work ethic, and I actively seek feedback to enhance my skills and address any areas that need improvement. I am confident that XXX's commitment to compassionate, high-quality, and culturally responsive healthcare will allow me to grow into a high performing new grad nurse. I am eager to contribute to XXX's mission by embodying its emphasis on nursing excellence, patient-centered care, and commitment to equity and inclusion.

I would be so pleased to be able to speak with you about an opportunity to become part of your team. You can contact me by telephone (xxx) xxx-xxx, or by email [email protected].

 

Sincerely,

XXXXXXXXXX

[Lou375]

Hey there,

I think you have a really strong foundation for your cover letter! 

I think you nailed the intro and the conclusion, and the premise to your story is really interesting. I would add some personal details to invoke an emotional response from the reader - like when I read your cover letter, I think "wow, coming to the US at 17 must have been quite an experience. What kinds of barriers to access did you encounter? How did you advocate for your family?".

I see this is for a pediatrics residency. It would help your cover letter to have some imagery in there about why you want to do peds. You had a pediatrics preceptorship - this is where you could tell a story about a pediatric patient that made an impact on you or that you learned from or connected with. Make it personal! 

Also - what about your background was helpful during your pediatrics preceptorship?

I'm not an expert at cover letters, but this was the type of advice that helped me with mine. I hope this helps.

[leyds]

Lou375 said:

Hey there,

I think you have a really strong foundation for your cover letter! 

I think you nailed the intro and the conclusion, and the premise to your story is really interesting. I would add some personal details to invoke an emotional response from the reader - like when I read your cover letter, I think "wow, coming to the US at 17 must have been quite an experience. What kinds of barriers to access did you encounter? How did you advocate for your family?".

I see this is for a pediatrics residency. It would help your cover letter to have some imagery in there about why you want to do peds. You had a pediatrics preceptorship - this is where you could tell a story about a pediatric patient that made an impact on you or that you learned from or connected with. Make it personal! 

Also - what about your background was helpful during your pediatrics preceptorship?

I'm not an expert at cover letters, but this was the type of advice that helped me with mine. I hope this helps.

Thank you sooo much for all your advice! I will edit my resume and add more info in my intro and about my preceptorship experience.