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Can anyone please tell we what to expect at the end of CHF - i am caring for a 75 year old lady, who i might add is lovely and knows she is dying.
She has been rated as end stage for 18 months now, but has gone down hill over the last 6 months. She is always sleeping, vomiting, and had severe SOB - she has oxgen in her house that she uses constantly. She is in so much pain (her feet and legs) uses morphone liquid and S/R tablets amongs other numerous medications. Her kidneys work off and on, has been hospitalised numerous times.
She says she knows the end is near and her doctor said that it would be a blessing if she passes in her sleeep because if she does not she will have a terrible death - can anyone elaborate on this, i just do not know what to expect.
Thank you
Its hard to explain, we do not want to lose our mum, but we also hate for her to suffer, its gone on for far too long - so we pray that she passes away in her sleep soon, although we all love her very much - will people think we are cruel?
Not us. That's a good death, in your sleep. And I wish her, you and your family peace.
She actually may be waiting to be alone. Some people, even at the end, want to spare their loved ones being there.
I have just got of the phone to the night shift nurse, she said mum has gotten worse over night - her hands and feet are blue and it is not long now. She also said mum is barley responding.
Its 5.30am here, i will call my brothers and sister in another hour and arrange for us all to be with her - i promised mum months ago that she would not be on her own when she passes.
I just feel so useless.
Monica
Monica, it is hard when you feel you should be "doing" something, but what you are doing -- being w/your mum, and your siblings is exactly what you need to do.
We sometimes call it the "ministry of presence" you are there, your mum knows you love her, its all good, and hard work.
We like to try and figure out what will help a dying loved one to "let go," but the reality is that we do all that we can and then we....stop doing. Because it's not something we can do for our loved one. It is one of the ultimate mysteries -- ultimately we do not have control over the great life passages of life and death. We can travel alongside and maybe carry some of the burden, but just like we cannot breathe for another person, we cannot leave this world for them either.
gentle hugs and comforting thoughts.
Miriam
Monica Zilko
21 Posts
The Dr has said for mum to have midazolam in her pump - the nurse said this will keep her calm and should help with the jerks. They also said they will not reduce or change the morphine because comfort is their number one priority, we all agreed.
The night shift nurse also said that she feels mum is waiting to see someone before she lets go - i am confused, because all her children are with her, she is rarley on her own. One of my brothers children (grandchild) will not go and say goodbye, she is terrified and said she wants to remember her grandmother the way she was, do you think that may be it?
I am suggesting that all of us kids sit with mum today, may be she wants us all there together.......
Its hard to explain, we do not want to lose our mum, but we also hate for her to suffer, its gone on for far too long - so we pray that she passes away in her sleep soon, although we all love her very much - will people think we are cruel?
Monica