Confused nurse! Please need input

[valrn9]

Hi everyone...so I have some stuff I kinda need some input in...and who better to understand or share than with my fellow nurses! I;ve talked this with friends and family but it is not the same. I am an RN got my BSN 5 years ago. I started working in a level 1 trauma teaching facility, completed a trauma residency. Eventually got kind of bored and needed a change, had always loved pediatrics so started doing pedi home health on the side. This helped me get my foot in the door for a PICU unit. I got a job there and worked there for one year... Night shift was brutal and environment was not the best, after asking to be switched and denied to days, I got another job in an outpatient pediatric orthopedic surgical clinic. Simultaneously...I did PRNs at a small spinal surgical facility in pre op, post op and on the floor. (I know it's a lot bear with me!).

 

I learned a lot about prior auths, DME's, insurance and phone triaging in the clinic but ultimately missed the acuity and skills in the PICU. I lasted in the clinic only 6 months and decided to travel as a PICU nurse.

 

I traveled during the pandemic, another level 1 teaching facility, great hospital. I even floated to adult ICU units to help and really worked hard and learned. My skills definitely grew! I then took another contract in my home city and work in a great childrens hospital PICU again as a  local traveler. After... decided I needed to settle down and chose a prestigious facility that has a very unique specialized critical care pedi unit... I moved to another state for this! And yes... I ended up not liking it. The turnover rate is very high, the program is not well established and while on rotating shifts got bullied and even cried... I got very very disheartened and felt super unappreciated. After voicing this to my manager she apologized but said I could not go to straight days. I realized I took a job for rotating shifts but I assumed the wait list for days would move faster...when I saw that staff who were on the list were being pushed back and the facility was instead taking travelers and giving them day shift...I was done. I put in my two weeks...

 

Again, I have like 3 PRN jobs I have to remain flexible and take time to think about my next steps. I do an infusion clinic, and a surgical ambulatory center as a pre op and pacu nurse...

 

I feel crazy.. to my family it seems like I constantly change and don't stick to something. I feel like I always give my 100% wherever I go though...

 

I guess I just feel confused... and a little burned out. PEdi ICU can be super taxing even when I love it.

 

any words of wisdom?

 

if you read all this I super appreciate it

 

TIA

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

".. to my family it seems like I constantly change and don't stick to something."

Well, by your own account, it's true.

 

Two part advice:

 

1. Seriously look at your expectations at what you think work is supposed to be like. Work is a four letter word after all...

2. Settle in part time in a staff position somewhere (and stay there) to "stabilize" your resume; you can get variety/make up the difference in hours with your PRN positions.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

A little hard to read your thought process through your post. It's not clear to me what you want, not sure you know what you want either. And that's okay, people jump around but at some point you'll need something stable and more permanent.

Of the jobs you've had, what do you enjoy most? I'd recommend less PRN jobs pulling you in different directions and just focus on one for a while. Sorry the one you had previously didn't work out, but you will hopefully find one with a better working environment. 

Good luck!

[valrn9]

Sorry I kind of dumped my brain on this without maybe being super clear! 
 

I've done consistently PICU for like 2 years even when I traveled in between. But still PICU. This current job I’m leaving falls under pediatric ICU specialties as well...

 

My staff PRNs have only been to broaden skills and knowledge and supplement my staff Pay. 
 

my ultímate goal was put in PICU years so I could go back to school for my pedi NP. I did apply, waiting for the decisions. 
 

however, the 12 hour shifts, working nights and sometimes very toxic environments have me re thinking my life choices. I don’t expect work to be magical. But since I’ve worked at different facilities I can evaluate what is healthier for me versus what isn’t I think.

 

just wanted to clarify some points thanks ?

[JadedCPN, BSN, RN]

I agree that you really need to think and be realistic about your expectations. It sounds like one of the main factors that are making you unhappy is nights, so I would start there.

[TriciaJ, RN]

Sounds to me like you love your work but hate your jobs.  Unfortunately, health care is a brutal business and to have the privilege of doing the work we need to tolerate the crappy workplaces.  (It shouldn't have to be this way, but that's a whole other thread.)

You've already learned a few things you didn't know before:  rotating shifts suck; steady nights are not your thing and "prestigious hospital" and "good place to work" are by no means synonymous.

I second the above advice:  find a steady part-time dayshift job (where  are you getting health care insurance from, by the way?) and make life more interesting with PRN PICU shifts, until you get into NP school.

At this point, I'd be looking for a place with a doable culture and atmosphere.  You don't have to be endlessly chasing down new "skills" as though your career is a never-ending nursing school skills checklist.  I think you can now trust yourself to be able to acquire whatever skills you need when you need them.  Take a breath and find time to enjoy life.  Good luck.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

You need to focus. You have enough experience to get a day job.. in the area you want to be.

 

[valrn9]

1 hour ago, JadedCPN said:

I agree that you really need to think and be realistic about your expectations. It sounds like one of the main factors that are making you unhappy is nights, so I would start there.

Thank you for your input! 
 

I wanted to ask what several of you mean by “realistic expectations”?

 

I by no means think being a nurse is easy or comfortable. I’ve put in hard work in traumas and very high acuity PICU’s... not sure if you re referring to that? Or do you mean expecting a healthy environment?  ? 

 

1 hour ago, TriciaJ said:

Sounds to me like you love your work but hate your jobs.  Unfortunately, health care is a brutal business and to have the privilege of doing the work we need to tolerate the crappy workplaces.  (It shouldn't have to be this way, but that's a whole other thread.)

You've already learned a few things you didn't know before:  rotating shifts suck; steady nights are not your thing and "prestigious hospital" and "good place to work" are by no means synonymous.

I second the above advice:  find a steady part-time dayshift job (where  are you getting health care insurance from, by the way?) and make life more interesting with PRN PICU shifts, until you get into NP school.

At this point, I'd be looking for a place with a doable culture and atmosphere.  You don't have to be endlessly chasing down new "skills" as though your career is a never-ending nursing school skills checklist.  I think you can now trust yourself to be able to acquire whatever skills you need when you need them.  Take a breath and find time to enjoy life.  Good luck.

yes you really nailed it down for me... I agree it d a whole other thread but yes also on top of everything else the grim realization of how healthcare systems work has been disheartening to say the least!

 

I will look for a part time job then. Again thank you for being empathetic I appreciate it a lot

[JKL33]

It sounds like you've worked with a variety of populations. This is seems to be stimulating to you--the idea of new challenges, etc. Or at least you aren't afraid of new challenges. That's a good thing.

I think the next challenge you should take on is learning how to evaluate a situation (before you get roped in), how to avoid drama, bullying, etc. when they are going on around you, how to determine which employer-initiated stressors are worth worrying about and which are worth ignoring (completely). In other words, how to be proactive, make good decisions and then follow through by not getting sucked into negativity.

This is a big challenge, but you haven't been too afraid of other challenges so I think you can do it. It doesn't require becoming mean, angry, spiteful or aggressive but rather just level-headed, professional and pleasantly assertive. Using good, solid judgment...consistently.

Along the way you will grow and change. At some point you may find yourself evaluating your dreams/future plans in light of what you learn. Hospital corporations have exceedingly little respect or regard for the nursing profession. We are but a necessary evil to them. Although it was very hard and not what I (thought I) really wanted, I finally realized that life actually is too short to be treated poorly by people who think they have made a big difference in the world by deciding to store ace wraps in location B instead of location A.

Best of luck ~