Confession is Good for the Soul

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I am sitting here today trying to make sense of the world. I left home when I was 18 and ended up in the military as a way to pay for college. I also knew I wanted to work in health care (M*A*S*H was a favorite show of mine at the time) and I endeavored to do my best no matter how humble the task.

I had an opportunity to go to medical school but decided to get married instead and delayed going to college so I could have more money to set up a home. When the time came to pursue my "higher education" I decided to go to nursing school as I had grown to respect the CRNA's I had worked with as a surgical technician.

I gave nursing my best shot but soon found that the gender bias I encountered was so pervasive that there was little hope for me to fulfill my potential as so much energy was spent dealing with the negative stereotypes of a male nurse. It was exhausting to say the least.

So I left nursing and jumped into the IT field before the market IT "bubble" burst and quickly established myself as a "guru" of the highest order in health care information systems. When the IT sector became weak I remained gainfully employed as the IT sector in health care remained strong.

I am now working on my PhD and have just signed an employment contract for 3 years as a researcher in the development of a new diagnostic modality for cancer screening. I will be making $165,000.00 annually until this contract expires. I also have a good benefits package. After that, who knows? Anybody know a good tax attorney?

:)

Any way as I assume this new role and responsibility I am trying to bring to closure my bitterness towards nursing (the culture) and I find myself spending a lot of time working in the flower bed (gardening) in hopes that this therapeutic activity will bring the healing I need. But the bitterness lingers. There is an emotional wound that quite hasn't healed yet. I am trying to understand that.

So how does one heal the soul from such negativity? We all have had experiences that have embittered us in some way. How does one find forgiveness in a world that seems to embrace hatred? As they say confession is good for the soul and I hope this one will help me to move on.

-HBS

Are you in some way blaming yourself internally ie feeling guilt about this bad experience? You are not responsible for the bad actions of others. There are LSE jerks everywhere and there are quite a few in healthcare too. People who love to shoot others down to make themselves feel better.

Get some counseling to deal with it if you have to but there is some reason you can't move past the bitterness and my advice is find out why. I do understand the bitterness towards others who have done you harm...it has happened to me too. I have learned to get tougher, look out first for #1, and not fall into traps of nasty people who want to use and abuse us. But we must move past our bad experiences and learn from them. You sound like you are 'stuck' , but you read like an intelligent and successful person....who is smart enough to cut his losses and move on with his life...if you're willing to do the internal work to move past your hurts.

Best wishes.

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You sound like you are 'stuck' , but you read like an intelligent and successful person....who is smart enough to cut his losses and move on with his life...if you're willing to do the internal work to move past your hurts.

Best wishes.

I am stuck as I try to reconcile my experience with my expectations from the nursing profession. As I said before I expected better from nursing and the "reality shock" was pretty severe as you can tell. I am doing the internal work but as another poster noted, it is time to move on. It seems that the answer is to realize that nursing is not different from any other profession. There are good nurses and there are bad nurses. And when you are in the minority the bad nurses can really take advantage of you if you let them. I fought back and that course of action took me out of nursing.

As noted earlier this is an exercise for closure.

-HBS

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The past is behind you. Understand? Forgive and get on with it. You're wasting too much time on it. Live like you don't have much time left.

Good point. I am such an "intellectual" that sometimes my brain gets stuck in problem solving mode. As you say, forgive and move on is the right thing to do unless one is committed to solving a particular problem.

As you can see this was a problem I could not solve. Human nature is what it is and even nurses are susceptible to the human condition.

-HBS

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quote:----- Having entered nursing, after many years in the business world, I too expected more and was disapointed. Oh well...

Exactly! But as well all know "effective coping" is essential to dealing with those disappointments and other such issues. Obviously having a realistic expectation of what nursing was (and is) helps a great deal.

-HBS

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Good point. I am such an "intellectual" that sometimes my brain gets stuck in problem solving mode. As you say, forgive and move on is the right thing to do unless one is committed to solving a particular problem.

As you can see this was a problem I could not solve. Human nature is what it is and even nurses are susceptible to the human condition.

-HBS

as an intellectual, rechannel that mode of thinking to understanding the facetious and ignorant aspects of man and once you accept those very unbecoming traits that too many possess, you'll automatically realize that that particular problem will never be solved. it is literally the nature of the 'beast'. not pleasant but oh so true. furthermore, speaking for myself, i truly resent the image(s) that we are held to, i.e., the ever so compassionate, nurturing, self-sacrificing soul that is beyond reproach; i truly, truly resent it....it just so contradicts the fallibility of human nature. so hb, if you can accept (not to be mistaken for embrace) that nurses, priests, truckdrivers, garbage collectors, secretaries....we're all the same... we're human, nothing more or nothing less, then i think expectations fade and hopefully, will succumb to a more objective, realistic and subsequently, a more peaceful truth.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I think you're on the right track for healing. Your acknowledging it, talking about it, doing positive things (working in the garden), and moving on. It doesn't have to be more than that. All you need now is time.

I've had a lot bitter disappointments in my life in dealing with the human race as well. Every now then it's there and probably will never leave. But it doesn't have to affect the way I live my life today as I've moved on. I'm sure along the way my humaness has hurt other people as well.

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Thank you all for the constructive responses. I also believe that my emotional reaction to my nursing experience reflects the level of intimacy brought to the profession. In other words if we are injured (emotionally or physically) by a stranger or casual acquaintance we tend to "get over it" sooner. If we are hurt by someone or something we hold dear then the pain is more intense. That is what makes sense to me about this whole disappointment with nursing. Keeping expectations realistic is key.

-HBS

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Thank . That is what makes sense to me about this whole disappointment with nursing. Keeping expectations realistic is key.

-HBS

You said it all right here. Women, since the dawn of time, in many nations around the world, have struggled similarly and the successful ones have learned to adapt and overcome such adversities and unfairness. Many died trying. It's not just men who struggle in nursing---- when you assume a global viewpoint, you can then not feel so alone/isolated and angry. As intelligent as you are, you have it within you to overcome such adversity and get on with life. Keep up on your gardening and doing other things that bring pleasure and for your mental health's sake, MOVE ON. Best wishes.

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Keep up on your gardening and doing other things that bring pleasure and for your mental health's sake, MOVE ON. Best wishes.

You can tell from the size and quality of my flower garden just how much frustration I am dealing with. Nursing has been real good to my flower bed and my local nursery. And it is time to move on and make some history in advanced 3D diagnostic imaging! Look out world, here I come.

:)

-HBS

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You can tell from the size and quality of my flower garden just how much frustration I am dealing with. Nursing has been real good to my flower bed and my local nursery. And it is time to move on and make some history in advanced 3D diagnostic imaging! Look out world, here I come.

:)

-HBS

if it's any consolation hb, nursing is not limited within the confines of a clinical facility; i've always perceived it to be a part of a ubiquitous setting, dictated by the people we care for and who care for us. we can always nurse others wherever we are. there will always be therapeutic outcomes...i can already see the results of your beautiful garden :chuckle .

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

put a pic of your garden here, i would LOVE to see it. I bet it's lovely.

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put a pic of your garden here, i would LOVE to see it. I bet it's lovely.

When I get my digital camera back from my daughter I will do just that!

:)

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