comparing myself to co-workers

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Jun 7, 2013

1. Stop comparing yourself to your coworkers.

2. Focus on how you can improve yourself.

3. Don't be too hard on yourself. As you gain experience, you'll feel better and more competent...but it takes at least a year, often more, before you start feeling comfortable as a nurse. And even when you've been a nurse for 4 years or more, you may still have bouts of self-doubt. That's normal.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Jun 7, 2013

Seriously? After "almost a year" you should be feeling better about your own practice while being low-ego enough to recognize you're still a novice. There's no point whatsoever to comparing yourself to someone else. But you already know that.

I read recently that a lot of people who are in their twenties are showing up for therapy with a vague, unfocussed sense of inadequacy and impending failure as they looked around at their peers. The therapists are connecting a lot of these cases to a generation of parents who protected their kids from failure and disappointment, and as a result the kids have no sense of how to overcome any kind of failure or how to find themselves in a milieu where everything they do isn't praised. They don't even realize it, but that's how it works-- they feel uneasy, inadequate, but they don't quite know why.

Of course, rational people understand that the modern workplace isn't going to be like those parents. People are going to stand on their own feet, make their errors (and learn from them), not be the special snowflakes, and, in short, be resilient grownups. It's not necessarily their fault that they got in this pickle, but it's up to them to get out of it. This is what therapy is for. The good news is, there are a lot of savvy therapists who know what to do with this.

As a second thought: You are probably young enough that you don't have kids, but let me give you an analogy that might help. In our childbirth class we all bonded and continued to meet weekly for four years after our daughters (we all had girls, go figure) were born. As is natural, we each secretly compared our offspring to the other four.

One had beautiful thick hair from birth; the other was still wearing one of those stick-on bows at 18 months because she was still almost bald. One was up and crawling vigorously at 8 months, another not until after 10 months. One (a different one) was walking and running at 11 months. One ate anything, another was picky-picky-picky. One slept all night at 6 weeks (!) and another at two years (!). One was quite the talker, using 6-word sentences at two. One knew all the magnetic letters on the refrigerator at 15 months. One knew all the colors by 18 months (and one, we found out later, was color-blind, a rarity in girls but she had a colorblind dad and maternal grandpa).

You know what? By the time they were five they all had hair, ran, dressed themselves, slept all night, rode trikes or bikes (some were earlier than others on that one) talked a blue streak, and were pretty normal kids.

So with new grad nurses. Not everyone develops in the same way, at the same speed. Not everyone has the same experiences. Not everyone has the same character or personality. But absent real pathology, pretty much everybody makes it in the long(er) run. You will too.

This is where "fake it til you make it" comes in. Someday in the future, not too far off, you will be going home after work and discover that you did a great job and you knew it. Really. You will.

Now, going back to the beginning, as with any phobia or distortion of reality or lack of insight or vague problem-solving difficulty, if it's seriously getting in your way, no broad-experienced-based reassurance from an anonymous old bat on an online board is gonna mean squat, and you should consult a live therapist who can help you. Speaking from experience, an occasional tune-up is good for your car, good for your furnace, and good for your head to keep them all in good working order. The advantage to human therapists is that your head can learn to do its own tune-ups in a way your carburetor or your oil-burner never will. :)

BeenThereDoneThat74, MSN, RN · Jun 7, 2013

The therapists are connecting a lot of these cases to a generation of parents who protected their kids from failure and disappointment, and as a result the kids have no sense of how to overcome any kind of failure or how to find themselves in a milieu where everything they do isn't praised. They don't even realize it, but that's how it works-- they feel uneasy, inadequate, but they don't quite know why.
Of course, rational people understand that the modern workplace isn't going to be like those parents. People are going to stand on their own feet, make their errors (and learn from them), not be the special snowflakes, and, in short, be resilient grownups. It's not necessarily their fault that they got in this pickle, but it's up to them to get out of it. This is what therapy is for. The good news is, there are a lot of savvy therapists who know what to do with this.

You mean, everyone doesn't get a trophy in nursing?

In all seriousness, I am so fearful of this phenomenon, and that it may never go away. As the mom of a teen, I know that seeking validation is a big thing. and not just "you're ok, you're smart, you're pretty." They want to hear, "you're awesome, brilliant and drop dead gorgeous."

To the OP, have you been evaluated recently? What did your preceptors say about you as you were finishing your orientation? Have you been written up, any patient complaints, or med errors? even if you have had any of these issues, its not the end of the world. You're not expected to be perfect in less than a year. If these people are not telling you that you're not cutting it, then don't worry about it. Don't be so hard on yourself.

BSNbeauty, BSN, RN · Jun 7, 2013

.....

BSNbeauty, BSN, RN · Jun 7, 2013

Grntea,

I didn't get this from her post. I think you can feel insecure at any age. I have a coworker that have been a nurse for 35 years who is always insecure about her practice.

I just don't think the "every body deserves a trophy" applies here.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Jun 7, 2013

Grntea really wasn't saying it was. I believe it to be more of a commentary - and I think she's really onto something. I see this all the time, and even if the person affected isn't literally thinking 'I deserve accolades for every little thing I do', I think the mentality that no one loses and everyone's important and special has imprinted itself on an awful lot of young people today.

While it may not apply to the OP, not everything has to apply to the OP directly.

OCNRN63, RN · Jun 7, 2013

I know I shouldn't really compare myself with others....ive been working for almost a year now, and I feel like im not even at par with some of the newer nurses...Nursing seems to come natural to them...im starting to feel insecure.
how do I get past these feelings of inadequacy...

For all you know they may be thinking the same thing about you.

Morainey, BSN, RN · Jun 8, 2013

GrnTea: fantastically written post. Just wanted to say that. I am seeing this in our brand new nurses and one-year nurses who seem disappointed that not everyone considers them amazing.