What do you guys know (not think, not opine ) about the true risks of co-sleeping.
I co-slept with all of mine, and Dr. Sears (whom I greatly admire) recommends it, but I never hear anything but bad things about it. When my infant daughter was hospitalized the nurses didn't want me to sleep with her on my cot. I hear nurses warning new mothers against it. What confuses me is that in the anti-SIDS recommendations they advise against co-sleeping, though my understanding is that SIDS is, by definition, *not* suffocation.
Is co-sleeping dangerous because we westerners don't tend to sleep on mats on the floor? Can its dangers be mitigated in some way? Or is the danger a bit of hype.
In my childbirth classes, we always discuss co-sleeping in the newborn care portion of the class. I am a huge co-sleeping advocate (*I* slept with my parents until I was 7, and I'm sort of normal; and my dh and I co-slept with our children until they chose to leave our bed, at ages 5 1/2 and 2 1/2, respectively), but I also try to present it in an unbiased manner
I discuss the dangers and benefits, how to co-sleep safely, contradindications to co-sleeping, and alternatives to co-sleeping. I also try to remind parents to be respectful of what is good for their baby, and for their entire family. Occasionally, some babies do not enjoy co-sleeping, and sleep better in their own space. It also is ultimately detrimental to an infant if the father resents the baby because he (the dad) can't sleep comfortably in his own bed, and is relegated to the couch for the next several years.
I personally feel like babies were made to co-sleep (just like they were made to be breastfed); but I have enough respect for other mothers to realize that it isn't for everyone. I try to offer education and then support the mother in her decision, and teach her how to help her baby sleep safely, whereever he/she sleeps.
FWIW, I started co-sleeping with my oldest dd after two incidents. First, she used to sleep in a crib in our room, but we were having breastfeeding difficulties, so I would get up and breastfeed her in a chair in the living room. One night I woke up, was in the living room, but couldn't find her anywhere. I thought I had dropped her, and was frantically searching the floor for her! My dh had gotten up, saw us alseep in the chair and put her back in the crib.
The second time, she slept all night (by this time, we had moved her into her own room, at 3 mo of age or so), and I was all happy about it. Wow! A full night's sleep! Finally! Only to discover her in her bed, dried vomit crusted onto her hair and face, with a high fever. She had become ill in the night, and we hadn't heard her! That was it; that kid had to whine for us to buy her a bed when she was 5, and even then, I got up several times a night to check on her. I was so paranoid about having the kids sleep on their own after finding my baby covered in dry vomit, burning up, in her own crib in her own room.
It's sad that people are so disgusted by what comes naturally. I hope Sherry, that your disgust is not so obvious when with patients who choose to nurse beyond one year.
I'm an extended breastfeeder and cosleeper too. My first was only breastfeed a few months and always slept in a crib. But with my 2nd I was determined to breastfeed - and did - for 16 months. Cosleeping came naturally, all those late night feedings, sleepy mom, cuddly baby, natural to fall asleep. My husband doesn't sleep with me anyway, hasn't for ages. He likes the TV on, all lights off and he snores like a bear. I like the TV off, nightlights and am a quiet sleeper. We don't have any trouble getting together when we need to and often cuddle to watch TV, etc.
Anyway, I am sad some people would think nursing my now 20 month old son is "sick". I hope to stop around when he is 2 but don't mind going a bit longer. He likes to sleep with me too and since I work nights our afternoon nap together in my darkened room and big snuggly bed is one of my favorite parts of the day.
Anyway, I am sad some people would think nursing my now 20 month old son is "sick".
It is sad. Unfortunately, for some, nursing a 6 mo old is "sick". Sad, sad. I can imagine the looks of disgust I would get for nursing my almost 3 yr old daughter in public. I never planned to go this long, just thought we play it by ear and see where we ended up. Now' she's having to share with her 7 mo old brother but shows no signs of stopping.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Again, as in anything, you do what works for YOUR family. It is NOWHERE NEAR "sick" to nurse children of these ages. Do not let others' unsolicited opinions and so-called "advice" get you down. You will be challenged from time to time in your decisions made, raising your kids. It gets tougher as they reach their teens, believe me--- when how long to nurse seems like a distant, easier world for you......sigh.
Point is, be strong now---have a backbone and conviction---you can't go wrong.
I remember a mom who complained that her 7 month old had quit breastfeeding, but her 3 year old was still nursing every day. Maybe he didn't like to share? I think it would have been more important to keep him on the breast. What do you think?
Question for you co-sleepers with older babies (>1) and small children.....Does it not put a damper on your sex life? Do you not want some alone time with your significant other? I would think that after awhile it would become more for the comfort of the parents (most often the mother) instead of the child. Please note, I am speaking of co-sleeping, not breast feeding :).
Your 27 year old cousin, I think, never grew up. Go ahead and relish the time you have with your kid, because one day he's going to push you away. At some point, and to varying degrees, all kids must do this to grow up. They come back again, but I think this is a necessary process to "individualize" or whatever psychological term you use. It's my observation that the closer kids are to their parents, the more they fly with coup with confidence. At some point, they become good adult friends, that is, if you did your job right.
Of course, I don't know your cousin, but she has some reason that she didn't spread her wings and fly.
Diahni
I just want you to know, that I liked what you said. Two nites ago, I got the BIGGEST kick out of my 16 yr old son....after supper, I was tired and laid down on my bed to watch TV....he came in, laid down next to me and proceeded to tell me all about his day, his love life etc. I couldn't help but think how lucky I was to have those moments with him...a lot of 16 year olds want absolutely NOTHING to do with their parents. I have no idea how much co sleeping with him when he was a baby had to do with this, and I am sure that there are plenty of other factors in the equation...good parenting is so much more than just co sleeping. But, it was a "Hallmark" moment for me. He is, most certainly, spreading his wings and flying the coop, I have no doubt about that...but I was very reassured that he seemed to still know where "home" was and that he was comfortable in sharing his life and his dilemmas with me. I am so lucky to feel that in a lot of ways we are "friends" now, when it's usually the most dificult time with teenagers. I can only hope the next 3 boys are so self confident and comfortable! Thank you so much for your insight!
Question for you co-sleepers with older babies (>1) and small children.....Does it not put a damper on your sex life? Do you not want some alone time with your significant other? I would think that after awhile it would become more for the comfort of the parents (most often the mother) instead of the child. Please note, I am speaking of co-sleeping, not breast feeding :).
Hmm, we have four kids, that's a damper enough. :rotfl: :rotfl: Although, apparently, we still had enough time to make those four.
And at 3 am, when one butt cheek is hanging off the side of the bed, while someone's little leg is poking me in the ribs, I can't help but think "This is soooo not comfortable."
Question for you co-sleepers with older babies (>1) and small children.....Does it not put a damper on your sex life? Do you not want some alone time with your significant other? I would think that after awhile it would become more for the comfort of the parents (most often the mother) instead of the child. Please note, I am speaking of co-sleeping, not breast feeding :).
It probably does affect snuggle time with my husband but I am a mom first and a wife second. My husband and I will never put our own needs before that of our children. Besides it won't last forever. Our youngest will be transitioning to his own bed soon. We have tried but he isn't ready nor is he ready to stop nursing yet (26 months and counting). As for sex, we have been married 7 years and still manage at least 4 times a week, sometimes more. Even before kids, sex in our bed at night was the least likely time and place.
Question for you co-sleepers with older babies (>1) and small children.....Does it not put a damper on your sex life? Do you not want some alone time with your significant other? I would think that after awhile it would become more for the comfort of the parents (most often the mother) instead of the child. Please note, I am speaking of co-sleeping, not breast feeding :).
No, it does not put a damper on our sex life. And that's all I'm gonna say.
) about the true risks of co-sleeping.
and often cuddle to watch TV, etc.
I can imagine the looks of disgust I would get for nursing my almost 3 yr old daughter in public. I never planned to go this long, just thought we play it by ear and see where we ended up. Now' she's having to share with her 7 mo old brother but shows no signs of stopping. 
ljds
171 Posts
In my childbirth classes, we always discuss co-sleeping in the newborn care portion of the class. I am a huge co-sleeping advocate (*I* slept with my parents until I was 7, and I'm sort of normal; and my dh and I co-slept with our children until they chose to leave our bed, at ages 5 1/2 and 2 1/2, respectively), but I also try to present it in an unbiased manner
I discuss the dangers and benefits, how to co-sleep safely, contradindications to co-sleeping, and alternatives to co-sleeping. I also try to remind parents to be respectful of what is good for their baby, and for their entire family. Occasionally, some babies do not enjoy co-sleeping, and sleep better in their own space. It also is ultimately detrimental to an infant if the father resents the baby because he (the dad) can't sleep comfortably in his own bed, and is relegated to the couch for the next several years.
I personally feel like babies were made to co-sleep (just like they were made to be breastfed); but I have enough respect for other mothers to realize that it isn't for everyone. I try to offer education and then support the mother in her decision, and teach her how to help her baby sleep safely, whereever he/she sleeps.
FWIW, I started co-sleeping with my oldest dd after two incidents. First, she used to sleep in a crib in our room, but we were having breastfeeding difficulties, so I would get up and breastfeed her in a chair in the living room. One night I woke up, was in the living room, but couldn't find her anywhere. I thought I had dropped her, and was frantically searching the floor for her! My dh had gotten up, saw us alseep in the chair and put her back in the crib.
The second time, she slept all night (by this time, we had moved her into her own room, at 3 mo of age or so), and I was all happy about it. Wow! A full night's sleep! Finally! Only to discover her in her bed, dried vomit crusted onto her hair and face, with a high fever. She had become ill in the night, and we hadn't heard her! That was it; that kid had to whine for us to buy her a bed when she was 5, and even then, I got up several times a night to check on her. I was so paranoid about having the kids sleep on their own after finding my baby covered in dry vomit, burning up, in her own crib in her own room.
Lori