What do you say to family when a patient has died?

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

I am a new grad on a cardiac unit and witnessed my first patient code and death the other day. During the code I left to go get the husband of the patient. I said something like, "Your wife's heart has stopped and she isn't breathing. We are performing CPR. You should come back right away." When we got back to the room the Dr explained what was done and the husband decided that it was enough. CPR stopped. The husband then turned away and started crying. I really wanted to support him or say something but was at a complete loss of words. He had just lost his wife. What are some things that you can do or say in this situation?

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

Depending on the situation, I sometimes say, I am sorry. Is there anyone you need me to call. Sometimes I will just stand there in silence and with respect.

[FlyingScot, RN]

I was going to give a smart-ass answer but when I read your post I decided to take the high road. Most of the time I think the best thing to say is...nothing (beyond "I'm sorry"). Be present for them, make appropriate physical contact, sit with them if they are alone but allow them to grieve. If you think about it, at the initial point of their loss there really isn't anything to say. The talking comes later and usually with their close family and friends. Frankly, we are interlopers and it's best to minimize how much we insert ourselves into their lives at that moment.

[spacemonkey15]

It all varies depending on my relationship with the patient and relatives. Often I give them time alone, as someone's already said, we're interlopers on the whole event. I'll be nearby and make sure they know I'm around, I offer them a drink if they want on and will keep them company if they ask. Sometimes I'll sit with the family, you don't have to be talking, even if they want you there, sometimes they're comforted by your presence. This all comes with experience, it's not something that can be taught.

[RiskManager]

I usually say something along these lines; "I am so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do for you right now to help?"

[dah doh, BSN, RN]

In the appropriate situation:

I'm sorry, we did everything we could.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Would you like me to call a family member for you?

Would you like a glass of water, tissues, a seat, etc...

Would you like me to call our social worker, our chaplain, etc...

Give me few minutes to remove her tubes and clean her so you can spend some time with her. (Set up a chair nearby) It's ok to hold her hand.

Be strong in knowing you followed her wishes...(for those torn about DNR or withdrawing life support)

She's no longer suffering...(for chronic cases)

Depending on how close you were to the family and your comfort level, you could offer a gentle touch to hand, arm, or shoulder, or even a hug.

Sometimes it's appropriate to not say anything depending on your role in the situation.

Working in the ICU, you will most likely encounter quite a bit of death and dying. As you gain more experience, you will figure out what to say as it all depends on the situation. I believe as as long as it's genuine and empathetic is all that matters.

[SWM2009]

Whatever you say, please make sure it does not include phrases such as "your loved one is in a better place" or "did your loved one personally know Jesus as their personal savior?"