Jump to content

Can't deal with rude, unfair colleagues

Updated | Posted
Nurse Beth Nurse Beth, MSN (Columnist) Educator Columnist Innovator Expert Nurse

Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, ICU, Ortho. Has 30 years experience.

Dear Nurse Beth,
I am studying Adult Gerontology NP just finished first semester. Still have doubt about my choice. I am an introvert and I don't like dealing with many staff, like nurses at floor. I don't mind dealing with patients and doctors but cannot deal with rude, unfair colleagues which seems to be everywhere. Which field do you think is better for me, where I don't have to work with many colleagues.

Dear Cannot Deal,

As an NP, you will be interacting with people all the time. An introvert who is exhausted by constant contact with people may do better in a role where they can distance from people and retreat to their office or desk to recharge- such as Documentation Specialist, or Informatics.

But your main concern is dealing with rude, unfair colleagues, which is different. You would benefit from becoming more assertive. When you are assertive (not to be confused with aggressive) you are empowered, and not depleted, by interacting with others in a healthy manner.

You can't change others, but you can change yourself.

Perhaps now you avoid certain colleagues. Instead, you can learn to recognize and respond to communication which is negatively affecting you.

When someone is rude to you, for example, let's say you were insulted, ask "WOW!!, that stung. Did you mean to insult me?" If someone cuts in front of you in line in the cafeteria, say "Excuse me, you're in my spot"- with a smile.

It would be far better for you to learn some of these life skills and tools than to continue to be unhappy. I notice you also used the word "unfair" which makes me think victim. Victims see themselves as treated unfairly by others. That goes back to feeling powerless and seeing yourself as the victim of others' negative actions.

It might be helpful to think back in terms of how you were raised. It may be that you experienced trauma or misfortune at the hand of others. Perhaps you were treated unfairly and now you see unfairness when it doesn't really exist.

Hope these thoughts help you, my friend.

Best wishes 🙂

As for introverts- there are plenty of us introverts, and you are not alone. Find out if you truly are an introvert. Here's an article for you: https://allnurses.com/confessions-introvert-t653257/

Start your job search today!

Nurse Beth, MSN

Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, ICU, Ortho. Has 30 years experience.

1 minute ago, tnbutterfly - Mary said:

Great advice, Beth!!

Thank you tnbutterly!

Nurse SMS, MSN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development. Has 10 years experience.

As an aside - in an acute care setting, nursing informatics involves a LOT of person to person contact, primarily in the role of project management and education of staff on new initiatives. Often they are resistant to what is being taught. If the complaint is difficulty in dealing with unfriendliness from coworkers, I wouldn't recommend nursing informatics.

I would suggest going into research as a potential option.

On 2/9/2020 at 11:46 AM, Nurse Beth said:

I am an introvert and I don't like dealing with many staff, like nurses at floor. I don't mind dealing with patients and doctors but cannot deal with rude, unfair colleagues which seems to be everywhere

There is some personal bias involved here. How can I tell? Because staff nurses don't have the corner on rudeness and unfairness; in dealing with a wide variety of patients some degree of impoliteness/rudeness (and sometimes unfairness too) is simply not rare. It is frequent. I haven't had much difficulty with physicians personally but difficult types are out there.

So you are at least occasionally dealing with rudeness and unfairness from people besides staff nurses. How are you doing that?

I can promise you that it has at least some small part to do with how you are viewing the situations.

Introspection required.

Good luck! 🍀

maryellen12

Specializes in RN BN PG Dip. Has 21 years experience.

You say you can cope with patients and doctors but not rude colleagues. Do you love the patient contact?

You shouldn't have to deal with rude colleagues  and likely they cause you to feel down. Maybe do some research around bullying in nursing. Seek to understand why nurses bully.

Understanding your colleagues behaviours may help you to cope, understand and not take on the thought that you are the problem. From what you say the problem is the behaviour of your colleagues.
 

Bullying in nursing is a real problem and the impacts of bullying can be crushing.

I accept your post as presented. It seems  your colleagues are behaving like bullies.

District / community nursing may be a good option for you allowing you to work more autonomously. 

Another option may be to align yourself with a doctors surgery.
 

 

following this thread. fellow introvert here